To want to be home alone for just two hours a week?

[limon]

Preferably to have a lie in on a saturday and a slow solitary breakfast.

For context I work full time and have one dd. Dh works part time and has on average four days a week hone alone while I'm at work and dd is at school or when it's a weekend day and I take DD out (often both weekend days).

Yanbu you need a couple of hours a week. We both work. I have sat morning and my dp has Sunday morning. I choose to sleep on my morning. He does too. Ask for it. You need a fair balance.

Oh I'd love this!

It's the leaving the house I find unreasonable, you are not unreasonable for wanting time to relax, but I don't think you can insist they leave. It's not what families do imo.

Pink horse if someone else was funding me sitting on my arse for 3 hours a week and allowing me to pursue a hobby at a weekend then going out for a few hours one morning is a small compromise to make!

avasarala you're having a laugh. I'm not going to mother him even if he behaves like a child! He's a grown adult.

I am keeping insisting.

ewedoe Yes. I have. It's very hard to split up a family unit though. Its not simple and you can't make a person leave.

hobnobs you're right of course. I don't see much in him it has to be said.

OP you are not unreasonable. All you are asking for is 2 hours each week to rest and relax. No one could say that is unreasonable. So we have agreed on that.
The problem is that your DH will not facilitate this. He says he will but he won’t. He is taking the piss while you become more and more resentful.
You say your DC is too noisy for you to rest in the house .
This could have been me 30+ years ago. What did I do? Well, when I realised that (now ex) DH would not follow through I took matters into my own hands- I walked out after tea one Friday and stayed with a friend. She went to work ( quietly) the next day and I enjoyed several hours of solitude.
All Hell broke loose when i went home the next day and the following week when I did the same thing but the whole exercise gave me the chance to re-evaluate our relationship.
It was one of the straws that broke the camel’s back. Good luck.

Have you considering leaving him? You would probably find yourself better off in many ways with the sound of it!

I haven’t RTFT but I find it quite incredible that anyone is suggesting the OP is unreasonable for wanting an hour or two out of the week to herself when she works FT and her partner works part time AND has no children at home during the school day. The school day is 6 hours long- how many days (weekdays) is he not working OP? YANBU at all. At for all those saying it’s not fair to make DH and DD leave the house- why? It’s not like they’re having to go very far or for very long or even that it has to be at the same time of day of the weekend (ie not always a Saturday morning- could equally be a couple of hours on a Sunday afternoon).

So. You don't like how things are, but you're 100% not going to do a damn thing about it. That leaves you with just put up with it.

Really don't know what you want people to say here. You're not being unreasonable wanting some time to yourself, you might be being unreasonable by forcing them out of the house but if he gets the rest of the weekend to do what he wants then I do see the problem.

You get the moral victory of being right, but nothing will change, and you won't make it change. So... Put up with it, or leave.

*dont see the problem with telling him to go out

hobnob of course I have . But I won't leave my home or my dd. And its a very very big decision emotionally and financially to ask a person to leave.

avasarala are you being deliberately obtuse? If you rtft you can see all sorts of damn things I"ve done about it.

What I wanted was to check out if people thought my request was unreasonable.

You shouldn’t have to leave your home or daughter, but I would think carefully about asking him to leave. He isn’t setting your DD up with an idea of what being in a relationship is like. He doesn’t seem to respect you or your needs at all.

I hope things improve for you I really do. In the meantime all I can suggest really is for you to go out, or book yourself into a travel lodge every now and again so you get a night off and a lie in.

avasarala are you suggesting I suck it up or leave my famiky home? With or without my dd? Where shoukd i go?

I read the thread. From what I saw, you've only asked him to do it over and over. He's not listening to you. And I'm not the only one pointing out that you're not wanting to actually do anything about it - so if you won't do anything about it, he isn't going to change. Your choice is put up with it or leave. Not being obtuse, just pointing out that there are no other options if you want be proactive about it.

Coffee shop, sauna, park, cinema, massage (if you've got disparage income for that sort of thing). Anywhere really. But you're not going to get the "me time" you want at home if the only thing you are willing to do is simply ask him again. He's not listening to your needs - now, that's a whole other issue which probably needs looking at, but for this specific thing, you don't have any other options than cope with them at home or have time alone outside of home.

*disposable

avasarala i meant where should i go if i leave him and my home?.

Not where should i go for the kind of me time I dont want.

I didn't mean leave him. I meant leave the house for a few hours/all day.

He wants to do his hobby at the weekend, and right now you facilitate that, but if you're not there then he can't do that. So, if you keep going out, he might ask for you to stay in and let him do his stuff. Then you can point out that you only go out because he wouldn't give you 2 hours alone.

Or you can pack your daughters stuff for her and haul him to the door.

Or you can sit on mumsnet complaining about it, but ultimately nothing changes.

Morally, you're probably right. And we've (almost) all told you that. But... What does that change?

Op why can't he be the one to leave?

avasarala actually I was simply asking if my request was unreasonable. Because i have been made to feel by him that it is and figured that if most people agreed with him I would back off.

All the advice has been a bonus, but I was simply asking if my request was unreasonable.

I’d absolutely stop facilitating his hobby time by looking after your DC. I’d be up off and out before he had chance to even notice.

When he complained I’d say oh well since you don’t respect my need for space and time alone for a couple of hours on a Saturday I decided I didn’t need to respect your time to do you hobby. Go both ways you see.

Your request is not unreasonable.

Would you both consider marriage counselling? Might that wake him up?

You're not being unreasonable - because of all the other stuff that you say ... doing the bulk of housework/laundry/childcare at the weekend. Two hours is nothing.

Surely the main point is that you have a partner who doesn't do his bit - at any point in the week. You might not feel the need for those two hours if he did more.

YANBU. Not at all. And the bugger of it is that your OH won't change unless you find a way of getting to him - reasonable requests don't seem to have worked. The only way you can relieve the pressure on yourself is to stop doing as much around the house, and stop facilitating his hobby/or find something for yourself that means he has to give you that time.

Good luck. It's hard if your OH isn't into give and take.

You're not unreasonable

But... people are trying to help. You keep saying 'but I shouldn't have to do X' which is absolutely right of course but...

But if all you wanted to know was find out if you were reasonable or not, you had your answer a long time ago. If you want things to change, have a go at some of the suggestions, even if it's just a one-off.