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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be home alone for just two hours a week?

189 replies

limon · 07/04/2018 09:51

Preferably to have a lie in on a saturday and a slow solitary breakfast.

For context I work full time and have one dd. Dh works part time and has on average four days a week hone alone while I'm at work and dd is at school or when it's a weekend day and I take DD out (often both weekend days).

OP posts:
MerryInthechelseahotel · 07/04/2018 18:00

I understand limon I crave alone time even just an hour or two a week. It's not a lot to ask especially in your situation. You sound at the end of your tether Thanks

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 18:05

pinkhorse because small children are loud

OP posts:
pinkhorse · 07/04/2018 18:10

I wasn't sure how old your dd is. I don't think you said (or I may have missed it).
If you want a lay in then I presume you want them out of the house really early on a Saturday morning. Where would you want them to go early in the morning?

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 18:14

Places theyn sometimes go : A cafe, a play centre, the park, the parkland visitor centre near our house.

OP posts:
MoreProsecco · 07/04/2018 18:17

OP, is your husband passively aggressive?

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 18:17

prosecco I think so, yes

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 07/04/2018 18:24

What does he say when you say, 'I thought you were taking DD out this morning?'

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 18:27

ginger he says I've never mentioned it before (i have) or that he doesn't see the big deal or "you take her out for my lie in then" followed shortly after with "actually I'm not bothered" which to me shoes a disregard for my needs/wants and an immature attitude.

I posted here to ask if I am unreasonable because he clearly thinks I am.

OP posts:
Queenio24 · 07/04/2018 18:56

Do you take her out for his lie in?

HildaZelda · 07/04/2018 18:57

YANBU. Not at all. I work part time (generally about 3 days a week) DH works full time, but he's been doing more work from home for the past couple of weeks and he's driving me fucking crazy! I just feel like I have no time or space to myself. I can't relax for two minutes. He's in and out of rooms every bloody five minutes. I can't WAIT until he's back to his normal job full time.

MoreProsecco · 07/04/2018 19:02

Yep, thought so OP. Classic PA behaviour- he says yes, but means no. His actions are deliberate & he is purposefully ignoring your needs.

Call him on it. Every single time.

And have a read about PA behaviour- it's very hard to be on a relationship with a PA - you never have an honest conversation.

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 19:05

MoreProsecco thank youFlowers

OP posts:
Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 19:06

queenieyes but he says he doesn't mind if I do or don't.

The point is I do mind if he doesn't, he knows it, yet conveniently forgets it.

OP posts:
DoJo · 07/04/2018 19:07

Do you think he resents your request and that is why he isn't following through? does he not believe that you are serious? Or can he just not be arsed? It seems odd that this would be the only area where he's refusing to accede to a reasonable request, and it sounds like he leaves the lion's share of the mental load to you as well. This seems like the straw that broke the camel's back.

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 19:12

DoJo it's not isolated. It's just pissed me right off today.

OP posts:
Queenio24 · 07/04/2018 19:35

I think if you are doing it for his lie in then that changes things. Although I'm not sure what you can do if he now says he's not bothered. I wouldn't want to leave the house in your DH's position either.
Like a PP said I also think if the situation was reversed and a man was asking his wife to leave the house so he could get a couple of hours peace there would be uproar on here.
Certainly in my family you don't really get any peace and that's just the way it is. I do think YABU on balance (sorry).

Lilymossflower · 07/04/2018 19:37

Two hours a a week is the least you deserve

MoreProsecco · 07/04/2018 20:10

He has 4 days a week to himself & grudges you 2 hours peace Angry

I have a feeling this is only the tip of the iceberg.....that there are other PA behaviours going on which maybe you haven't recognised. I suspect he's not a loving & supportive partner.

mrsm43s · 07/04/2018 20:24

I thought the general consensus on MN was that the full time worker has it easy, and they should take over from the SAHP/part-time worker in the evenings/weekends to give the exhausted SAHP/part-time worker a break. Because parenting is the harder job and going out to work is the easy option.

Funny how the advice changes when the genders change!

MoreProsecco · 07/04/2018 20:38

mrs - did you miss the bit where OP's husband has time to himself 4 days a week during school hours? Confused

Arapaima · 07/04/2018 20:45

mrs - it's completely different when the child is school age, regardless of gender.

mrsm43s · 07/04/2018 20:51

Does he, though? Surely its 9-3 minus the school runs and he has to do all the same things that any other SAHP would have to do in it? (cleaning/washing/admin/shopping etc) Isn't the WOHP assuming that the SAHP is just sitting round twiddling their thumbs all day one of the things that MN generally crucifies men for?

Honestly if the OP was a man who WOH she'd be pulled apart for suggesting the SAHM should take the child out every weekend for a morning to give him a rest after he'd been working all week. TBH I don't think its a reasonable request anyway, regardless of anyone's work patterns.

DoJo · 07/04/2018 20:52

The problem seems to be that he isn't objecting to the idea, he's agreeing to do it and then just failing to follow through, therefore kiboshing any proper discussion on the matter.

And mean didn't the op say that she takes their daughter out by herself for most of the weekend as well? She just wants a lie-in, not a free pass from parenting.

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 20:53

mrsm he has three weekdays to himself and most weekend days too. It is not exhausting being a sahp when your child is in school.

I think you might have found the crux of this though. Since dd has been of school age I have carried on taking over from him.

My job is utterly exhausting.

OP posts:
Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 20:55

mrsm actually I do the greater share of housework/laundry etc. Granted he cooks more. He isn't exhausted . I am.

OP posts: