To want to be home alone for just two hours a week?

[limon]

Preferably to have a lie in on a saturday and a slow solitary breakfast.

For context I work full time and have one dd. Dh works part time and has on average four days a week hone alone while I'm at work and dd is at school or when it's a weekend day and I take DD out (often both weekend days).

With my xh, the only only way for me to be off duty was to leave the house. If I was there, upstairs trying to sleep the kids would be in looking for something or he would. It wrecked my head, so I very quickly arrang to be out of the house for a few hours at least on a Saturday. Even though I was exhausted with non sleeping baby, I still preferred to be out for a run or swim, rather than upstairs not sleeping, simmering in rage. My X consistently did as little as I allowed him. It chipped my love and respect for him away to nothing eventually.

I'm glad hes taken her out - and think its crap you have to make him (I was lucky swimming did it for ds/dh) are you sure she doesn't need to learn to swim ? he worked ft in stressful job and wasn't great at coming up with ideas of things to do with ds and ds got up at the crack of dawn -so we alternated weekend mornings ....

However I don't see why you are facilitating his hobby all weekend as well as during the week and not doing anything as a family?
even if its just going for a walk in the park or a long walk to the pub/shopping centre nurdling/cinema/whatever....that is also not great ....

I used to dream about a night in a hotel, no one waking me, 12 hours unbroken sleep, maybe a swim & a massage in the hotel pool.... gin & tonic in the bath, time to shave my legs, condition my hair, cut my toenails........
How much is a night in a fairly nice hotel ? (NO to premier Inn, NO to Travel skank lodge)
I'm glad he made a small effort, but I think you must tell him. "I am on my knees. If you can't do this one thing for me (considering I am already doing the Lion's share of work & house work) then I fail to see what we are doing together any more, surely there should be some support & understanding, isn't that part of being married ?
Not passive agressive denial & manipulation.
If I have asked for this tiny window of calm, it is so I can keep going on with the rest.

So suggest you might go to a hotel, or get a child minder over night & (this is not an invitation for a shag) if he cannot man up enough to treat your simple request as serious then it looks like your marriage is on very rocky ground

Until last year I hadn't been on my own in the house for more than a few hours in about 15 years.
OH worked evenings (now not able to work) so even when kids were at school and I wasn't working, he was there.
He would go out to work just as the kids got home from school.

I was lucky in that I could go out on my own even when the DCs were little because OH was at home but I craved time alone in my own house.

OH started taking DCs to a club on Saturdays. The first couple of times I wandered around taking up space
Then I watched some stuff on TV
now I alternate between doing 'me' stuff and just enjoying cleaning a house with no one in it.

Everyone needs a bit of time home alone

I don't think that they should have to go out-but I think if he was doing a lot more that might help!

You are soooo NOT being unseasonable !

You are doing far more than your fair share of contributions to your household.

You are actually describing my life 15 years or so ago.

I split up with my kids’ dad, split childcare right down the middle ( week about with me and him) and one of the best things about it is that I am now on my own 50% of the time.
I absolutely love it . And I get on very well with xp. Makes me sad we had to split up to sort out a fair division of labour .

Seems like the real issue is that your partner isn't pulling his weight in general. You're the main earner, working full time, doing house work and trying to get quality time with your child. You rightly want to keep the one on one quality time with dd, so I would do something to cut out the house work that you're currently doing - either ask partner to do it (after all he IS part time!) or hire a cleaner or just don't do it. Then stop giving your partner a lie in at weekends until he recognises your need to have some.

I work part time and do the weekday child care - but Saturdays I lie in and DH gives the DCs breakfast. Usually they make pancakes. Granted it's not always that quiet but it's my lovely 'me' time (even though I get peace once they're at school, but am always busy with paperwork, jobs, DIY etc - it's not like lazing in bed.....)! Your DH doesn't need to take your DD anywhere - just don't get up!

I understand your frustration as I also work full time have 3 kids and do the majority of housework. My husband also works full time though. It sounds like life has got on top of you recently and Inknow that feeling well. I also crave time home alone but would never expect my husband to take all the kids out so I can get it. I am happy to be given a lie-in even though I can hear them playing downstairs. I also feel guilty having time away from them at the weekend as really it is the only time I see them as we leave Home at 7.15 in the week and I am not back until 6.30 every day.
I am not sure what thabout answer is but I think working full time and being a parent is very hard. Are there no hobbies that your daughter might like that might give you a bit of time alone and something for her and her Dad to have as a common interest.

This is a classic example of a particular type of man who conspires to never do 1-1/entertainment with child. He can't be bothered.The DC gets stimulation at school then once that's done, mum has to take over.

Lots of child-free time for him as well as the hobby etc time available to him in the week - meanwhile mum's child-free time is only when she's at work. Leisure time for her isn't a consideration

Laughable that people are saying where can he go/why should he take DD out on Saturdays. You go out there 8.30am onwards and see how many mums are already busily out and about with little ones. Do dads disintegrate if they do say 2 hours park on a Saturday morning..?

You're asking for advice. Ok then. Sit your DH down tell him you are not prepared to work full time + do a significant chunk of housework + attend to DC weekends so that you never ever get a (leisure) moment to yourself and are relentlessly working both inside and outside the home.

Have a rota drawn up, hand it to him. Balance out your time. If he still won't listen - then you'll just have to be upstairs having a lie-in, noise cancelling earphones in, bedroom door shut, curtains drawn. Don't get out of bed. Don't answer any queries such as "do you know where so n so is". If he tries to stay in the bedroom with you tell him no, you want to rest. Be very consistent.

They don't have to be out of the house so that you can have some peace. You just need to be assertive about having that peace.

Go on Amazon buy the earphones it won't take long.

Cut your hours and tell him to increase his?

@mistressdeecee just best me to it; he needs a fucking rota.

BUT as I'm sure you'll (justifiably) say itd mean nothing.

Basically YADNNNBU.

I have 2 children and DH knows that I have to have my two hours me time on Saturday.

Without it i really would go potty.

Not passive aggressive at all then Avasarala?!

We were supposed to be visiting MIL yest pm but instead I sent dh and ds without me.An hour and a half of peace.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. I’m glad you got a free morning. Hopefully it’ll continue. Have you got a cinema nearby ? Vue mini mornings are great and cheap too. Dh could take your daughter for breakfast then the cinema. I think they say you have to do something 13 times until it becomes habit!

Get dd on your side, ask her what she'd like to do. She might like swimming if it's not lessons. She'll then be the one getting dh sorted! I get my time but mine don't leave the house. I just get a lie in, and usually my dh brings me breakfast in bed once I wake. This might work too!

Limon, it's a good idea to find a way to make it happen. When I had three under three, XH said: "Oh, you really should have an hour off a week. I'll make sure you do." It never happened. Not even once. It was one of many reasons our marriage fell apart.

DH is acting like an arse. Put your foot down and make it happen, he should be happy to take his DD out.

Why not draw up 2 timetables his and yours so he can plainly see the amount of 'free' time he has in comparison to you.

We both work full time and alternate the weekend days so we both get a morning to ourselves. DD does activities and we will just take it in turns so I do Saturday while dp has a lie then he does Sunday etc. I’ve got all next week off with DD and needed some things from town so today he’s had her for most of the day. I would do the same for him if he needed a day to himself.

Quite frankly you just sound like you’re morning. And why exactly do they need to leave the house for you to have a lie in. Can’t he just sometimes entertain her downstairs

Moaning I mean

Sorry didn’t read the later updates, it sounded like you weren’t listening to what people were advising you. He does sound very annoying and I’m afraid it seems to be typical thing, selfish men who are happy to let women do the bulk of the work. I hope you manage to work it out. Me and my partner take thrna for a lie in. However it just involves one of us doing coffee and breakfast for the kids and taking a coffee up to the other to have peace for half an hour to wake up a bit leisurely. It is expected the other will do a bit of tidying up / washing up so the other doesn’t get up to a mess.

Enrol her in swimming lessons - it's a crucial life skill, not an optional extra. And it's a wonderful thing to do on a Saturday morning at 9am.

I've come to realise that I really need that time alone too...and to some people that is really weird! I recharge and feel so happy after a few hours of solitude, so much so that I think I would struggle to live with a man again. I get the kids to bed, then I am free...not for everyone, but for me it is bliss. I don't have to listen to anyone or have the sport on TV or other crap, or do anything l don't want ...like cook/tidy/laugh :-) :-)