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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be home alone for just two hours a week?

189 replies

limon · 07/04/2018 09:51

Preferably to have a lie in on a saturday and a slow solitary breakfast.

For context I work full time and have one dd. Dh works part time and has on average four days a week hone alone while I'm at work and dd is at school or when it's a weekend day and I take DD out (often both weekend days).

OP posts:
orangesmartieseggs · 07/04/2018 13:53

Tell DD daddy is taking her out on Saturday - then she expects it and will badger him!

PatriciaHolm · 07/04/2018 13:58

So when he doesn't get up and take her, what do you say? Why not say, look, time to get up now, you promised you would take her, etc.

If he's being a arse deliberately you have bigger issues of course.

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 14:49

Why should I micro manage him?

He gets up but doesn't take her out.

OP posts:
parklives · 07/04/2018 14:55

Can you arrange them a play-date? They have to go and collect 'click and collect' shopping?
You are going to have to be tougher with your dp if you really want this time alone.

LampHat · 07/04/2018 15:00

OP I’m not sure what you’re looking for here! You’re not accepting any of the solutions offered to you. No you shouldn’t have to pester him, leave the house, get your DD ready... but it seems like you do. Your DP is unreliable and you must know this by now. It seems to me you don’t want to solve this, you would rather be a martyr and moan about the fact you don’t get any time alone. Have fun with that.

Passthecake30 · 07/04/2018 15:26

I don't think it's fair that you want them to leave the house so you get me time. It's their house, they are entitled to stay there.

I get my me time at the gym or when the kids are in bed. I would never expect to get some alone time in front of the tv in the day time unless I'm off sick and the kids are at school.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 07/04/2018 15:52

Well, no, you shouldn't have to micromanage him or get angry or go to a hotel or make DD join a club anyway.

Do you want to be right or do you want that 2 hours?

NoHunsHereHun · 07/04/2018 15:57

No, you shouldn't have to micromanage him but it's clear he's not getting into a routine on his own so you can either facilitate a change or put up with it while letting the resentment simmer away. Which option is healthier for your relationship?

lostinjapan · 07/04/2018 16:03

Lol, I really think the responses here would be very different if the OP was a man. I don't think your DH is being an arsehole for not wanting to be kicked out of his home at a certain time each week. If you want a couple of hours peace and quiet, then why not go for a walk or a drive on your own?

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 16:17

lamphat I was hoping to gauge whether it's an unreasonable request. Most posters seem to think its not.

OP posts:
Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 16:19

lostinjapan because what I want is an hour or two to lie in without the noise of other people in the house. To have one day a week when I can take a long shower and have a slow breakfast alone without having to think about other people's needs.

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 07/04/2018 16:27

Perfectly reasonable request by the OP.

angryburd · 07/04/2018 16:32

@limon you need to micromanage him because clearly he's not going to do what you want if you don't!!

Or you can just continue to sulk about it.

tenterden · 07/04/2018 16:38

limon I think people are getting frustrated with you because you sound so passive.....

esk1mo · 07/04/2018 16:40

i know you shouldn’t “have” to, but if i were in your shoes id book myself into a hotel for a night. one with a big cooked breakfast and sauna/jacuzzi. groupon do cheap nights at hotels.

i think that would also show him you are serious about wanting time alone. you can tell him you shouldnt “have” to do that in the first place, maybe he will get the hint.

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 17:21

I'm frustrated. I've been over and over it with him. He sometimes takes her out to a cafe for breakfast. But sometimes he doesn't and then I dont get my lie in or my me time.

Clearly I can't make him go out.

I was honestly wanting people's opinions because I wanted to know of I was making an unreasonable request that's all.

OP posts:
freshstart24 · 07/04/2018 17:25

OP YANBU, as lots of posters have said.

The current arrangement though is not working. Seems sensible to try to change this, as such posters are making helpful suggestions.....

Hobnobsarenotfordunking · 07/04/2018 17:26

Why does he only work part time? What does he do on his days off?

Upsy1981 · 07/04/2018 17:26

Not unreasonable at all. I stopped working Fridays so I could have some uninterrupted time alone in the house. I use the time to do chores etc, its not like I just sit around all day but its just nice to do things how and when I want to do them sometimes. I love them to bits, but nearly lost the plot before I had that time.

mrscampbellblackreturns · 07/04/2018 17:29

I think it is a bit unreasonable to be honest. If he gets up with her and they leave you to have a lie in and take your breakfast up to bed.

I was a SAHM when my dc were small and would have found it a chore to take the children out the house early on a Saturday just to give my DH some quiet.

Would it work later in the day?

Is your DD very small and clingy to you - is that the issue?

youarenotkiddingme · 07/04/2018 17:31

I'm assuming the household chores are split up so he has the bigger share as he's PT? I'm also assuming he does these jobs, and school admin and appointments etc as you work?

So the other time should be split that you both get some time to do your thing. It seems you take dd out (Although I'm not sure why alone both days?) and he needs to do the same.

Personally I'd block one day for family day out together and then have the other day for each of you to have some 1:1 time with her.

If you are up earliest daily as you work then you get mornings off!

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 17:38

youarenotkiddingme not really no.

OP posts:
Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 17:40

upsy yes I am nearlyblosong the plot. I am so stressed and tired from work, doing all the organising and fitting in chores that an hour alone (when I get it) helps my mental wellbeing enormously.

Dh gets plenty of time to pursue his hobbies alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 17:42

youarenotkiddingme I don't get mornings off ... I get ready for work while getting dd ready alone two days a week (dh chooses to be up and out before we are awake) and the other days I muck in in the mornings even though dh doesn't need to get ready for work those days.

OP posts:
pinkhorse · 07/04/2018 17:44

I understand you needing your own time but I can't see why you can't have a lay in with them in the house?