SAHM who are to busy too work??

[donners312]

I honestly don't have a problem with SAHM BUT I admit I am fed up of SAHM who claim they are fed up with their car/where they go on holiday/their house/kitchen etc BUT do not work.

If your DH is so shit at providing why don't you get a job and pay for it yourself?

I keep hearing it is because you are too busy to get a job?

or maybe i just need new friends?

I am NOT having a go at SAHM if you and your DH are both happy then `I am honesty happy for your family but i do feel there are some women who would rather not work and accept no responsibility for family finances whilst complaining about how shit their (lovely) life is?

Another one of these threads...ZZzzzz

These threads never go well.

Sure there are some women who think because they've popped a kid out they can be looked after and have a lifestyle of leisure to suit (in my head these are the SAHM who have nannies / cleaners / put their children into day care 'to help them socialise' so mummy can go for coffee or the gym )

But there are entitled people in any area of life.

You DO have a problem with it
And you ARE having a go

I’m a sahm and I couldn’t get a job. I’m well qualified but there is no job that I could walk into that would allow me to do school pick up and drop off (ds has additional needs so can’t do breakfast/ after school club). I’d also need one that would allow me all school holidays off as Dh works away mon-fri and I have no family/friends nearby that could cope with ds1. I’d also need time off for all of ds1’s hospital appointments (1-2 a month, hospital is a 90 minute drive away). Then there’s me trying to look presentable when I’ve got another black eye/ fat lip because ds has had a meltdown and I’ve tried to stop him hurting himself. That’s without even thinking about sorting ds2 out.

I would genuinely love to work. I feel completely useless and I contribute nothing to my family. I’m just a cleaner and a taxi. I’d hate to think my working friends think I’m being a lazy bitch if I ever complain about it.

I honestly don't!!

My Mum was a SAHM and both my parents were very happy and i do think it i a good model and works well.

BUT I do have a lot of friends (and I do admit I am sick of listening to it) who claim to want to get divorced or that their DH is shit and does nothing BUT who do provide all the money that enables the DM t not work. The DM often complains kitchen or car is not good enough for them and sorry i do think well get a job and buy it yourself???

What Alonso said.

Butter - I am not trying to say people with certain circumstances might find it hard or impossible. That doesn't mean there arn't other people who might prefer not to accept responsibility.

I think what they’re doing is looking after their kiddos and have worked out what they’re worth in the labour market would not give enough profit after nursery fees/inconvenience of sick cover etc. Also maybe their partner if they have one has absolved himself of any household or childcare responsibilities to do work and work alone. I’m not aware of any people like this then complaining they don’t have enough money, imhe they’re fairly content with their lot biding their time until they can get back to work when kids are older. They’re also maybe care taking their romantic relationship by not working opposite hours to partner.

Stop judging.

I work but I'd still like to complain about my crap car and budget holiday, please.

buttercrinkle that sounds tough, it sounds as though you provide a backbone holding your family upright and rather than being useless, you are more likely to be the your holding everyone together and rather than contributing nothing, it s more likely that the job you do has no price worthy of all you do!

Do you know my SIL? One of her children is in uni and the other obvs takes themself to and from school at 15.
She’s still ‘too busy’ and complains about BIL lack of earnings and thinks everyone else in the family should subsidise their life.
She has to have a cleaner as well as she is so very very busy (who knows what she does)
I don’t think she’s representative of normal SAHM though.

Maybe because for some people it doesn't make financial sense. If I worked I would hand all my wages over to childcare, and in fact we would probably be worse off. I also have two children with additional needs who are either off ill, needing to attend appointments, and wouldn't cope with holiday clubs and changes in routines during school holidays. My DH works long hours and we have zero help or support so it all falls to me.
It's not always black and white.

ButternutCrinkleFries
The OP isn't judging people who stay at home.

They are judging women who opt to stay at home but then whine about why they can't have the holiday they want/can't afford a new kitchen / want a newer car.

I think what the OP is saying is either those things matter, in which case get a job and work instead of saying you're too busy, or you accept that part of only having one salary means that you may not be able to have new cars/fancy holidays/new kitchens.

Aka people can make whichever choice is right for them but don't opt not to work and then bitch about wanting more stuff than can be afforded on one salary.

I guess it's been three days or so since we had one of these. It's probably due.

I honestly am not taking away the value of SAHM looking after their DC and DH and I do think its a lovely thing to be able to do.

But I am questioning why SOME people absolve the other partner in their role own this. IE. they are providing the money that enables you to do this?

My Dad was a brilliant provider my mum and SAHM and I love them both and respect them both and other couples in the same circumstance. I am sick of listening to friends who refuse to drive X car as its emabarrasing "as if" who have had a new kitchen , sigh etc

If your life is not good enough for you, do it yourself?

My SIL does this. Wants tk stay at home with her son and has no interest in working but her husbands salary is barely keeping their head above water and she is constantly complaining about what they can't afford to do.

I'm a sahm and I would love to get a job, to get out the house and to help provide for our kids but right now I cant my youngest is due to go to nursery in September and consequently I will be at the school three times a day, taking elder children then youngest and picking up. So realistically I won't be able to get a job In that time frame. My dh works from 2 till 10 5 days a week so he can't do the school run. The only option right now would b to do is nights but I would t have any time to sleep during day and have no one who I can rely on to do school run and look after dc when I sleep. I would love nothing more to get a job, being a sham can become very boring and very tedious very fast. Doing the same old chores day in day out, I love my dc, I do, but dear lord I am sick of my house.

ButternutCrinkleFries

I love my SAHM friends. They are the ones who volunteer at school, make the school trips and parties possible. They are the ones who take my kids to school when we have a childcare problem, they are the ones who pick up my kids from school when no one else can. They are the ones who have my kids on inset days and so on.

People who pretend that working is a good example conveniently forget that not everyone has a fulfilling career and is happy. Hearing your parents complain about their boss, their hours and live for Friday is not a good example to set up.

You are anything but useless. The ones judging are the ones who are jealous because they only see one aspect.

Are SAHM's never allowed to complain then? Are they supposed to be eternally happy with their lot like some sort of Stepford wife?

When a couple has children, they need to be looked after and money needs to be earned. Both are equally important. Your 'friends' are contributing to their family by providing childcare - they therefore have as much right to bitch about their car as you do!

Or their partner has decided that as he earns their total family income, he has final say on how it’s spent. And as she contributes nothing financially, she doesn’t get a say in how any of it is spent. Or have access to it. Her contribution to family life is glossed over and belittled and she’s made to feel like a leech and any argument that she’d actually like a newer car at some point, seeing as how he’s just bought himself a brand new one, is seen as being spoilt.

Can you tell I gave up my career to look after our children with no outside help and no chance of regaining any serious earning potential and am getting a bit fed up with being dependent on someone else? I’ve told him I’ll get a lot bloody more out of him in a divorce court, the twat.

Isn't it too busy to work? Not the other way round as per your title?
(misses the point of the thread....)

I'm with you OP - so many people make excuses about why they can't work - often because they feel they deserve a highly paid professional job and aren't prepared to work their way up to that. They then stay at home with the kids as a get-out clause and then whinge that they really want to return to work but can't get a job that pays enough for childcare. They should just be honest and admit that they prefer being at home while their kids are young and show some gratitude to their DH's for paying for their lifestyle choice. Being able to not work is a tremendous privilege, and one that so few women globally have.