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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SAHM who are to busy too work??

336 replies

donners312 · 06/04/2018 21:39

I honestly don't have a problem with SAHM BUT I admit I am fed up of SAHM who claim they are fed up with their car/where they go on holiday/their house/kitchen etc BUT do not work.

If your DH is so shit at providing why don't you get a job and pay for it yourself?

I keep hearing it is because you are too busy to get a job?

or maybe i just need new friends?

I am NOT having a go at SAHM if you and your DH are both happy then `I am honesty happy for your family but i do feel there are some women who would rather not work and accept no responsibility for family finances whilst complaining about how shit their (lovely) life is?

OP posts:
Weebo · 06/04/2018 22:35

I meant that in a 'nice one' way, Knackered.

DervlaMcDiamond · 06/04/2018 22:38

Just go to work and have the money for the car/holiday/house whatever!

Live your life and stop obsessing about the way other people choose to live theirs.

You sound a bit of a saddo tbh that this bothers you! 🤷‍♀️

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 06/04/2018 22:39

They want to get divorced , hate their husbands but refuse to work because they ar somehow too busy??

You know lots of women like this, obviously, as well as knowing enough about their lives, feelings and finances to judge. I know none, but there we go.

Are SAHD's 'allowed' to complain, or it definitely just women we're talking about here?

Viviennemary · 06/04/2018 22:40

And people who mop a fevered brow when doing full-time stressful jobs when they could easily afford to drop hours but won't can be irritating as well. I know a couple of these at least.

Orangettes · 06/04/2018 22:41

People who go on about being always busy are bloody annoying but they are not necessarily SAHM or WOHMs - they are just annoying buggers!

Original poster
donners312 · 06/04/2018 22:43

orangettes - think you are on my C25K ?? Hello!! and yes they are!!!

OP posts:
SisterConcepta · 06/04/2018 22:44

I know where you’re coming from but in reality someone refusing to work and complaining about lack of money is just a subset of people who like to whinge about something but do sweet feck all to improve the situation. You just need to hang out with more uplifting folk :)

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 06/04/2018 22:44

Maybe childcare is too expensive for them to work.

Original poster
donners312 · 06/04/2018 22:45

Like i said at the beginning my gripe isn't with SAHM or dads!! I think it is a great thing to be able to do, and that the working parents should value the other parent!

My gripe is with the other parent complaining that they can't have material things they want, when they are not making a financial contribution themselves when they are perfectly capable of doing so!

Excusing lots of you!!!

OP posts:
Angryosaurus · 06/04/2018 22:46

As someone who works part time, I think part of the problem is that the less you work, the more time you have to focus on stuff like cars and kitchens. And the more important things can become to you. IMO being a SAHM is a job in itself. But when the kids grow up I agree if you want something fancy then you need to work for it!

MammaTJ · 06/04/2018 22:46

I am single Mum supporting my DC myself

They want to get divorced , hate their husbands but refuse to work because they ar somehow too busy?

So, your ex, the father of your DC, did you hate him?

Original poster
donners312 · 06/04/2018 22:47

Sister - you are right, I need to find some new friends and I think you can guess how amazing my social life is when I am sitting here on a friday night!!!

Hand me a noose!!!

OP posts:
Shinycat · 06/04/2018 22:49

Jealous and bitter much OP? Wink

Orangettes · 06/04/2018 22:49

They want to get divorced , hate their husbands The only women I know who feel like this are WOHM woman, they would like a divorce but the split in finances would be too devastating for them...none of my Sahm friends feel like this, they still love their dh's - I know this stupid anecdote proves nothing but neither does the OP's!

Original poster
donners312 · 06/04/2018 22:50

Mamma - yes i was unhappily married (I always worked not a SAHM).

We are now divorced and I still hate him ha ha.

But I know there are lots of lovely husbands out there. Not that i want one!! :0)

OP posts:
Dobbythesockelf · 06/04/2018 22:51

But they are making a financial contribution in a way, they are providing childcare meaning they don't have to pay for it.
I can not get my head around the hatred for sahm's. We made the decision that financially it made most sense for me to stay home. I have had one woman that worked with my dh describe me as lazy, one of my friends tell me it's not hard to find childcare etc. We have no family support and my husband's job involves long hours. The friend that said it, her parents and in-laws look after her dd so she doesn't pay for it. Why can't we just presume that people are more likely to know what works for them than outsiders are.

Original poster
donners312 · 06/04/2018 22:52

Shiny - yes very jealous of people who want to get divorced but would rather stay and take the money. (like i could have but didn't)

orangettes - yes i think it is brilliant if people are in happy marriages - who wouldn't!!! Definitely not referring to them!!

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 06/04/2018 22:53

Shiny - yes very jealous of people who want to get divorced but would rather stay and take the money. (like i could have but didn't)

You made your decision, they made theirs.

Weebo · 06/04/2018 22:56

How many women do you know seriously want to get divorced but are just staying for the money?

Original poster
donners312 · 06/04/2018 22:56

Dobby - I don't have a hatred for SAHM at all!! I think its brilliant and hard and sometimes unavoidable.

That is not the point I am making at all.

OP posts:
Weebo · 06/04/2018 22:57

Who*

Original poster
donners312 · 06/04/2018 22:57

weebo - I would say around 6.

OP posts:
cherish123 · 06/04/2018 22:58

Agreed. I did not work before DC went to school but went back once at school. To be honest, once they are at school, there is no excuse not to work, so no, they should not complain.

SentfromHeaven · 06/04/2018 22:59

What?!! ....... 'Being able to not work is a tremendous privilege, and one that so few women globally have'

And what about being able to work is a tremendous privilege! I know some people that have admitted they wouldn't last a day looking after their own children! They see work as an escape! Their whole self worth/self esteem is only based on their so called career!!

Weebo · 06/04/2018 23:00

You know 6 women who are just staying married for the money?

Don't you think there's probably a lot more to it than that?