Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say we get rid of cleaner when maternity leave starts?

411 replies

dazedconfused81 · 06/04/2018 20:32

Man alert!! 😂 So my wife starts maternity leave soon and is adament she wants to take as long as possible off, so 12mths probably. (Which is another bone of contention, as I would have liked to take longer off work than the standard 2 weeks!)

Obviously I’m worried about the financial impact this will have, and we’ve discussed cutting back. One of the things I think we should get rid of is the cleaner, which currently costs us about £140/mth. She disagrees, saying we will need it more than ever.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
justawhisper · 06/04/2018 20:34

Not really no one really needs a cleaner of they are able bodied or not really poorly etc. Will you be doing any cleaning ??

BigSandyBalls2015 · 06/04/2018 20:35

I'd keep the cleaner for the first couple of months if you can afford it. It will make things a lot easier for both of you.

GrumpyInsomniac · 06/04/2018 20:36

I think you're possibly underestimating how much time a baby takes up, and also just how tough pregnancy can be in the last weeks.

So frankly, if you're prepared for your wife not to be able to do as much cleaning as your cleaner currently does, and don't mind pitching in with the housework yourself, you'll be fine. But maternity leave is not a holiday, and your wife will be working at raising your child, and not just keeping the house looking like a show home. It may not be labour that is paid with a salary in her case, but it's just as valid.

ovendoor · 06/04/2018 20:37

If you an afford it, keep the cleaner. Unless you will pick up whatever mum can't do in the day.

Penfold007 · 06/04/2018 20:37

Can you afford to keep the cleaner and are you prepared to do at least 50% of housework?

KoshaMangsho · 06/04/2018 20:37

As long as you are happy to do 70% of the cleaning yourself it will be fine. She will be exhausted and on 24/7 duty with a baby. So as long as you are doing your bit there will be no need for a cleaner.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 06/04/2018 20:37

Depends. Are you going to do the cleaning instead? Because unless she gets a very undemanding newborn, she's going to struggle to do it and care for your child. It's a more-than-full-time-job. Add into time needed to physically recover from the birth, and time spent breastfeeding, if she does, and you're looking at a very messy house. Unless you step up. You know, to do your best to support your wife and the mother of your child.

SnugglySnerd · 06/04/2018 20:38

I can see both points of view as it is hard to do housework with a newborn but it is an expensive luxury to have a cleaner. Could you keep the cleaner for the first 2-3 months or have them visit fortnightly instead of weekly?
I assume you will be doing your share of housework if the cleaner goes?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/04/2018 20:38

Don't make any decisions yet about the cleaner. The first weeks following the birth are knackering and housework is not going to be a priority for either of you.

See how things go.
(TIP - never suggest to a knackered woman with a newborn that she could have tidied up a bit Wink)

I think you both need to have a proper chat about the fact you might have liked a bit more time off. However, don't make the conversation all about money unless you have serious worries that you really won't be able to manage.

EightdaysaweekIloveu · 06/04/2018 20:38

Just as long as you are going to do your share of the cleaning and not expect a clean house when you come every day, then YANBU. Could you just cut back the frequency of the cleaner?

Penfold007 · 06/04/2018 20:38

Sorry see it is financial issue

Wolfiefan · 06/04/2018 20:38

YANBU if you're volunteering to do the cleaning.
YABU if you expect a woman maybe recovering from a c section, on no sleep and maybe trying to establish breastfeeding to keep a pristine house.

lostherenow · 06/04/2018 20:39

I dont think its unreasonable. Don't expect a very clean house though, especially if you have baby that does not sleep well. (Massive understatement there!)

colouringinagain · 06/04/2018 20:39

You don't have to keep the cleaner on if you're able to do the lion's share of the cleaning once your baby arrives.

Pastaagain78 · 06/04/2018 20:39

That is when I really needed a cleaner! See how it goes, I was pretty poorly after DS1 and husband was knackered too. A cleaner was a godsend. I now have three DS and no cleaner. Nothing could prepare me for the change of a first child. However, you may all be absolutely fine and both cope really well. See how it goes, don’t get rid of the cleaner yet.

toldmywrath · 06/04/2018 20:39

Yes you are being unreasonable op. Both to your partner and the cleaner.
Do you think that your wife is going to have twelve months rest and relaxation during maternity leave then?Grin think again! Your life is going to be turned upside down and your cleaner might give you some sanity.

NameChange30 · 06/04/2018 20:39

YABU to cancel the cleaner, honestly they’re even more of a godsend after having a baby, as long as you can afford it

YANBU to want to share parental leave, I think you need to reopen that discussion with your wife, it’s not really fair of her to insist on taking it all, ideally you would reach some kind of compromise. Bear in mind one of you could use annual leave too.

YANBU to consider finances, but this needs to be a joint conversation and decision. Why not do a budget together and look at things you could cut back on as well as prioritising. MoneySavingExpert has good advice on all that.

SauvignonBlanche · 06/04/2018 20:39

If you’ve got time to do the cleaning then go for it.

EightdaysaweekIloveu · 06/04/2018 20:39

I agree with BigSandyBalls, definitely keep the cleaner for the first few weeks.

Kittykatmacbill · 06/04/2018 20:40

No. You will need it more than ever.

NapQueen · 06/04/2018 20:40

What does the cleaner do? Day to day cleaning (surfaces, vacuum) or "bigger jobs" (bedsheets, windows etc)?

How much are you able to take on of the cleaning?

grasspigeons · 06/04/2018 20:40

if you can afford it, keep the cleaner

Especially for the first half of the mat leave when your wife will have just given birth and be a bit all over the place and possibly in considerable discomfort for many weeks.

I mean, do you really want to be getting back from a day in the office and having to clean the bath and hoover because your wife is still recovering from an emergency C-section? Surely you want to come back, make her tea and see a bit of your baby.

TheAntiBoop · 06/04/2018 20:40

As long as you are happy to pitch in with the cleaning

If your financial situation is precarious then you need to be having a more serious discussion with your wife about the length of time she intends to take off/childcare cost etc

user1471462428 · 06/04/2018 20:40

I’ve just had a second child and hired a cleaner. You will need it more than ever. Our lives are dominated by a little vomiting/ pooing person and if anything I need the cleaner to come more often.
The side note about shared parental leave: could you take unpaid leave after her year off? Children are generally more fun after a year!! My partner will be dropping his hours when I go back to work and enjoying the toddler stage for example first steps, words and seeing his first friendship form.

KoshaMangsho · 06/04/2018 20:40

For comparison: my husband did a lot of housework and stuff relating to the baby when they were born (up early every weekend and Fri/Sat nights) plus batch cooking on weekends, all care for the older one, bath time about 3/4 days of the week, a load of laundry daily and dishes and other jobs that need doing. And DESPITE this he insisted that it would be helpful if the cleaner came in an extra day of the week so we could enjoy our babies on the weekend and in our down time.

Swipe left for the next trending thread