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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say we get rid of cleaner when maternity leave starts?

411 replies

dazedconfused81 · 06/04/2018 20:32

Man alert!! 😂 So my wife starts maternity leave soon and is adament she wants to take as long as possible off, so 12mths probably. (Which is another bone of contention, as I would have liked to take longer off work than the standard 2 weeks!)

Obviously I’m worried about the financial impact this will have, and we’ve discussed cutting back. One of the things I think we should get rid of is the cleaner, which currently costs us about £140/mth. She disagrees, saying we will need it more than ever.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TellOutMySoul · 07/04/2018 21:53

Your poor wife.

What a horrible, horrible excuse for a man. I feel so bad for women who end up shackled to these unevolved. chauvinistic, controlling pigs.

mathanxiety · 07/04/2018 21:55

I think I will delay the cessation of the cleaner for a month or two into mat leave.

Oh you will, will you? How reasonable you are.

You are in effect dictating to your wife that she will have the role of housekeeper for her mat leave. If she has already objected to this, then what sort of stunt do you think you are pulling here?

You actually do need a lecture.

If you weren't stuck so far up your own ass you would be grateful for the straight talk you have got here.

curious86 · 07/04/2018 22:24

I think if you are willing to help with the cleaning then you can let the cleaner go but I think you may be surprised how much you could need the cleaner after, it's surprising how many people thing new mums stay at home watching tv because baby sleeps a lot

limon · 07/04/2018 22:37

Having a cleaner is a luxury so yabu to consider not having one when money is tight.

But don't expect your wife to do the cleaning and look after a newborn.

You'll need to do all the cleaning for the first eight weeks or so.

If she's not breast feeding and her health is ok then she might be able to help you a littleafter thay but you'll also need to do alternative bed times and alternative night duty, as well as take the baby for a full day each weekend so your dw can get some rest.

limon · 07/04/2018 22:37

Sorry I meant yanbu

Mxyzptlk · 07/04/2018 22:41

what is a ‘genuine feminist’?
I think it's someone who is nice to the OP.

Coyoacan · 07/04/2018 23:44

I had twenty children all under five and my house was always sparkling clean when hubby came home from work, so why should anyone else get time to enjoy their baby? that's what I wanna know

Mxyzptlk · 08/04/2018 00:24

Coyoacan, I hope you had a tasty home cooked meal on the table too.

caffeinefreebutsadaboutit · 08/04/2018 00:44

@peanutbutter310 I was told after my section no heavy lifting, no bending, no hanging out washing (ie stretching up), no driving for 8 weeks.

It doesn't take a few weeks to recover. It's major surgery, take the time to recover properly and not do any damage to your abdomen.

mathanxiety · 08/04/2018 00:51

Weird, isn't it...

Man posts his problem on Mumsnet specifically because he wants to hear women's perspective.

He hears from women. Women who have had babies. Women who have had mat leave. Women who have tried to combine caring for a baby around the clock and housework.

Man gets angry because women have not agreed with his pov.

Calls the women a bunch of harpies, meanies, man-haters, and improper feminists.

Hmm

And then there are the handmaids sucking up...

Prancingonthevalentine · 08/04/2018 00:53

I was pushing a shopping trolley about a week after a c section and felt something “pull” inside. I healed with a small hole that wouldn’t close up, took over three months for wound to fully close over, couldn’t get it properly wet all that time. Was a bloody nuisance and I wish someone had reminded me it was major surgery.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 08/04/2018 01:03

Wow dazedconfused i bet your wife is gutted she let you have her mumsnet name. Most men worship their wives after they give birth. You're sat there on mumsnet with your calculator. It's a different world for some 'men'

Coyoacan · 08/04/2018 05:10

Mxyzptlk Of course, all home-cooked meals made from scratch with vegetables from the vegetable patch, who wouldn't?

PoorYorick · 08/04/2018 07:13

The reason you're not reminded that a section is major surgery is because it's related to childbirth, and therefore as a woman you are just supposed to get on with everything afterwards and keep a show home besides. If you'd had a car crash you'd be advised to rest up but birth injuries aren't real.

And yes, OPs like this are precisely why I'm wary of men on MN. Not because I don't think they have a right to be here or I hate men. I know we've got some great guys on here. But of the men who do post here, so many of them just seem to be using it as a platform to correct women. Though I'll grant this one was a lot more blatant in his twattery as they're usually more unctuous about it. That's the upside of having absolutely no self awareness.

0hCrepe · 08/04/2018 07:29

Don’t want to twist the knife but just using the words “delay the cessation” as highlighted by mathsanxiety makes me furious for some reason. Pomposity I think it is.

mathanxiety · 08/04/2018 08:23

It's arrogance, and grandiosity. The whole Lord and Master persona.

0hCrepe · 08/04/2018 08:25

Yes like the cleaner is a commodity.

PoorYorick · 08/04/2018 08:35

I think he's also butthurt because I made fun of him for not knowing the difference between 'infer'and 'imply'. I don't usually do things like that,
but he just deserved it so much.

DanceDisaster · 08/04/2018 08:38

I don’t know if this is a wind up tbh, so I won’t even bother giving my opinion of the op and his posts, but this is my experience;

I never needed* a cleaner till I had babies. We always had a spotless flat, even though we both worked full time. That changed massively when we had babies. I found we just didn’t have time to keep on top of it. It’s genuinely much harder (ime) taking care of babies than it is working full time. I had heard that before I did it and never really believed it till I had a baby.

*I say “needed”, but obviously, I know it’s a luxury. It’s one we can afford.

If dh had said he’d do all the cleaning instead while the babies were little, or if he worked part time or something to share the childcare and housekeeping, we obviously wouldn’t have bothered. But, as it is, he works full time and I’m a SAHM to two young children. Dh doesn’t want to spend his time off cleaning and I don’t want to spend my down time cleaning either.

When dc1 was about 14 mo and before we’d even thought about ttc dc2, we cancelled our cleaner. I’ve just hired another one as we have another newborn.

MismatchedStripySocks · 08/04/2018 08:40

Can you pay for a huge spring clean before the birth, including deep cleaning oven etc, plus also do a couple of tip runs so house is clutter free. Just leaves room for baby stuff. Will make cleaning a lot easier (for you) and if she still feels a cleaner is necessary, they could come once every 3/4 weeks.

GinIsIn · 08/04/2018 08:43

Ok, I’ll bite.

Just pop your trousers off, and lie on the floor. Get your wife to stamp repeatedly on your penis. Now, put 5 bags of sugar in a sack. Carry that sack round without putting it down, with one arm. Now go and clean the bathroom with the other. Get your wife to follow you around whilst you do it, screaming in your ear at top volume.

This is what it is like. Pay for the fucking cleaner, you tight-fisted, misogynist. Or clean the house yourself. Up to you!

Shortfatandangry · 08/04/2018 08:43

My DH also joked that we should split the leave. I explained to him this was no problem if he was also able to push the baby out his vagina and then breastfeed it. Seems only fair really.

PoorYorick · 08/04/2018 08:52

I do actually think it's good to have the option of shared leave as it suits some people. I just hate it when morons start acting like it's holiday time that only women get because men get such a hard deal with regards to childcare and childbirth.

Thirtyrock39 · 08/04/2018 09:16

A cleaner is definitely a luxury but one worth having for at least first six weeks when you will find you have more disposable income anyway as you'll be pretty much at home with a newborn- no nights out, pub lunches etc for a while ...
I do think a lot of this thread is a little ott- you'll have to accept that the house work will slide and they'll be more ready meals/beans on toast etc but after I'd adjusted to having a baby I loved my maternity leave and I did spend a lot of time watching films, reading etc -all be it trapped under a tiny sleeping baby !
It is possible especially with your first to grab a bit of time to tidy up a bit - god the amount of stuff I used to get done if the baby was asleep for half an hour - yes it's knackering but it is a lovely time to and I do think it's tough on dads having to miss out on it

lynmilne65 · 08/04/2018 09:43

Keep cleaner you wallop !!!'

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