to say we get rid of cleaner when maternity leave starts?

[dazedconfused81]

Man alert!! 😂 So my wife starts maternity leave soon and is adament she wants to take as long as possible off, so 12mths probably. (Which is another bone of contention, as I would have liked to take longer off work than the standard 2 weeks!)

Obviously I’m worried about the financial impact this will have, and we’ve discussed cutting back. One of the things I think we should get rid of is the cleaner, which currently costs us about £140/mth. She disagrees, saying we will need it more than ever.

Am I being unreasonable?

I don't think you need to worry about baby no.2 OP.

This

Your attitude is very unattractive so I'm surprised you've even managed to impregnate someone once.

Wonders how any woman ever copes with out a blooming cleaner.

FFS.

She will be at home, with a baby. Babies sleep a LOT.

She will have plenty of spare time to clean while the baby sleeps and you out at WORK.

Unless there are any disabilities or illness nobody needs a cleaner if they are home full time, new baby or not. If you don’t expect perfection and pitch in and there is no reason not to be able to manage.

Keep the cleaner unless you plan to do the same number of hours cleaning yourself. My husband did all cooking and cleaning for a good 3-4months as was basically breastfeeding round the clock!

Ah here's Joanna talking her usual load of contrary nonsense

Will you be doing all the work the cleaner was doing?

But I’ve threatened that with the next baby, she can go back after 2 weeks and i’ll have the 9mths paternity.

Uhuh.

OP are you really sure what looking after a tiny baby involves? Your last comment suggests not. I was begging my husband to swap places with me on a few occasions during maternity leave- and I have a stressful job. Non sleeping baby, poorly baby vomiting everywhere, non feeding screaming baby, colicky baby- no picnic.

Recovering from birth doesn't take a couple of days. Tears and grazes to the genital area, stitches, heavy bleeding, possibly a c section scar that could get infected, breastfeeding difficulties and being readmitted to hospital, mastitis etc are all really uncommon. That's why women don't put on their power suit after 2 weeks and march back into the office.

If you were suggesting she takes 6 months then you take 6 months, that would be more reasonable.

You both need to lower your cleaning standards or cut back on other luxuries.

Babies sleep a lot? I wish someone had told my first. He never slept as a baby during the day. Not unless I was holding him, pushing the pushchair or driving the car. Not so easy to scrub toilets whilst doing those things.

Of course get rid of the cleaner of you can't afford her once your wife goes on maternity leave.

Sorry but she can't have everything her way...she doesn't want to share parental leave she doesn't want to get rid of the cleaner why does everything have to be her way?

Why they hell are so many posters saying that op should be prepared to do 70% of the housework...there are 2 adults in the house both are capable of doing at least 50%

I’m not sure my house got cleaned much at all in the first 12 months TBH. On DH’s first day back at work I remember sweeping and mopping all the downstairs and thinking how much I was going to get done whilst I was off (after 4 weeks recovering from a c-section first I might add), then the reflux, allergies, colic and asthma kicked in pretty much the next day and the next 11 months are a blur

Babies sleep a LOT

Mine didn’t. Not without a nipple in their mouths anyway. Hard to clean with a baby clamped to your nipple.
We hired a cleaner when DD2 was 4 weeks old. I hadn’t slept longer than 40 mins at a time in a month, there’s no way I was hoovering and mopping.

My second dd was like that Wolfie.

I really can't believe some of the responses on this thread. A cleaner is not essential. Everyone I know has managed to have a baby and still clean the house. Fair enough you can't expect to live in a show home but I think you know that op.

€1500 a month is alot of money to be down, I don't know why so many of you are refusing to acknowledge that.

YANBU op. Going from 2 wages to 1 requires sacrifice. Most of us who have had kids have had to give up some things. You cut your cloth...

As for the paternity leave, she's being very selfish to want it all. She could at least give you a month.

Babies sleep a LOT.

News flash, Joanna - some babies don't sleep a lot, and scream instead.

Yeah your first post had something off about it’s tone, and then following it up with ‘now ladies, I don’t need a lecture smiley face’ is just patronising.

I feel really sorry for your wife. You need to be looking for ways to support her right now, you’re doing the opposite.

Also, don’t assume there will be a second baby. If you keep acting like a prick she will think better of it

The sharing the maternity leave discussion is done, there’s no point falling out about it again, nothing can change now. But I’ve threatened that with the next baby, she can go back after 2 weeks and i’ll have the 9mths paternity Surely you can change it. Don't "threaten" things, just don't have another baby with her. Have one with someone who shares your values.

My first didn't, @Joanna57. Didn't sleep for longer than 45 minutes at a time till she was 18 months. On bad days it was 20 minutes.

Add into that recovery from an emergency c-section and breastfeeding on demand and I was on my knees. We didn't have a cleaner. But my DH stepped up and took on all the domestic chores until I was able to take them on. Because he's a good man who loves me and wants to take care of me. Let's hope the OP is too.

Yes, of course I was joking!

Play it by ear.
You might have an easy baby that sleeps a lot, your wife may bounce back from an uncomplicated delivery..
Of course the opposite could be true. You can't predict how things will pan out.

If you can't afford a cleaner, you can't afford it. Sort out your priorities as a couple. Your house might be a bit messier.

I personally find it really gets me down when the house is a mess. I feel out of control and can't relax.
If your wife struggles after the birth and really wants to keep the cleaner, make cutbacks elsewhere cancel your golf/gym subscription

Get rid of the cleaner as a last resort.

You’ll appreciate having her once the baby arrives.

Blimey. You're a right old charmer aren't you?

You've "threatened" to have your wife's maternity leave?

Will you take her massive blood loss, stitches, leaky and painful boobs, exhaustion like you've never known before and pnd?

I suspect however that there won't be a second child if your attitude to her first pregnancy is anything to go by.

I feel sorry for your poor wife.

Plenty of us seem to survive without a cleaner, so if you need to cut something then cleaner is an obvious choice.

Small babies tend not to create messes that need constant cleaning/tidying up in the same way that a toddler/older child does. Unless you live in a mansion, it should be perfectly possible for 2 adults to keep on top of it without a huge time investment. Yes, the house won't be pristine, but it will be hygienic levels.

Telling us they are out 1500 isn’t the relevant figure though. What are they down to? What are their expenses? If this was honestly a question about what they can afford then he needs to say their incomings and outgoings

But it’s not a question about what their family can afford, it’s about him being resentful and looking for ways to PA show it.

What nonsense is Joanna talking? Babies do sleep a lot. Keeping an average house reasonably clean and tidy with a newborn is not that difficult.

I read OP's posts as jokey.

Many people don't have cleaners pre kids or post kids because of the cost.

Get rid of the cleaner, save money and share the workload. Simple.