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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say we get rid of cleaner when maternity leave starts?

411 replies

dazedconfused81 · 06/04/2018 20:32

Man alert!! 😂 So my wife starts maternity leave soon and is adament she wants to take as long as possible off, so 12mths probably. (Which is another bone of contention, as I would have liked to take longer off work than the standard 2 weeks!)

Obviously I’m worried about the financial impact this will have, and we’ve discussed cutting back. One of the things I think we should get rid of is the cleaner, which currently costs us about £140/mth. She disagrees, saying we will need it more than ever.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
HappyHedgehog247 · 06/04/2018 20:41

She May end up with a c section or your baby may be poorly and in NICU (I hope not). You just never know, so I would only end the cleaner now if you are prepared to do 100% of the cleaning if needed. It's different once you are through the first couple of months.

NameChange30 · 06/04/2018 20:41

one or both of you could use annual leave too

boloriabullet · 06/04/2018 20:41

Happy wife, happy life Grin
Are you genuinely concerned about how you will cope financially or are you just being a miser?
I echo what everyone else has said... it depends how much you value a tidy/clean house. Because if you are pretty pernickity about having a tidy house, be prepared to have to take the lion’s share of the housework if you get rid of the cleaner. Having a baby and subsequently looking after one is beautiful but it’s no picnic. And your wife will be bloody well exhausted.
So it depends really.

Mxyzptlk · 06/04/2018 20:41

As neither of you has been doing the cleaning so far, you'll probably struggle to get it all done, along with looking after a newborn.
I'd wait a couple of months to see how things go with the baby, and discuss it then.

Are there things like restaurant lunches, golf membership etc that you could cut back on?

RedForFilth · 06/04/2018 20:41

If you want longer off with the baby do shared parental leave. Then see if you need it. It isn't fair of her to take all the parental leave if you're unhappy. But if you want to get rid of the cleaner you need to do 50% of the cleaning.

Allthewaves · 06/04/2018 20:41

I think it's incredibly unfair your partner won't share parental leave.

If you can afford cleaner keep the cleaner but if budget won't stretch then cleaner goes. Taking a year off means belt tightening unless you have saved

Goosegrass · 06/04/2018 20:41

Fine as long as you do the lion’s share of the cleaning. The end of pregnancy can be debilitating and the baby might scream if put down. Mine did for the first 3-4 months.

Aria2015 · 06/04/2018 20:42

Definitely keep the cleaner the first few months. Your wife will have her hands more than full looking after a newborn. I would then suggest having them every other week. It's a compromise and will help your wife. Don't forget that your wife's not on annual leave, she's on maternity leave. People are paid to look after children fulltime (nannies) so she is doing a job and most nannies aren't expected to do all the childcare and all the housework so the same should not be expected of your wife.

mogulfield · 06/04/2018 20:42

I am the owner of a 6 week old who is breast fed and with the greatest will in the world by the time I’ve sorted him out (and my 3 year old) I don’t have any time to clean... so as long as you’re doing the cleaning then ditch the cleaner.
If you get rid of the cleaner and expect your wife to do it... this way resentment lies.

SilverBirchTree · 06/04/2018 20:43

I’m not sure how we can answer a question about what you can afford without knowing more about your finances.

Clearly this isn’t really about the cleaner.

Newborns don’t leave much time for cleaning. Unless you’re prepared to step up your own cleaning efforts, then I recommend keeping the cleaner for now.

Polly99 · 06/04/2018 20:44

I’d certainly keep the cleaner for at least the first month after the baby was born. I hate to clean, but am careful with money when not earning, so we got rid of ours. Big mistake. I had emergency caesarean (both times) and DH didn’t think to clean while
I was incapacitated (ie if I had wanted him to I would have had to have written him a list, and life is too short for spending time managing men who should know better). 3 weeks after DD was born I asked him to hoover. The house was a tip. He looked at me like I was mad and I became quite angry. We were both tired, I was sore, it was 85 degrees and having a clean house would have been nice.

Keep the cleaner. That way marital harmony lies.

Littlemissdaredevil · 06/04/2018 20:46

Ive got a 3 month DD after a labour that ended up with an episiotomy and forceps (as well as low iron). I was barely able to walk up the stairs let alone do any cleaning. Some days I haven’t had lunch until 4pm as there is no time to cook anything or the baby screams or needs feeding as soon as you attempt to eat anything.

I would suggest you keep the cleaner if at all possible at least for the first few months as if not you will probably need to do 95% of the housework

I was lucky this morning as DD stayed quiet long enough for me to put the washing machine and the dishwasher on!

Tainbri · 06/04/2018 20:47

If you can step up to the plate and do the cleaning, along with your share of parenting, the great. Otherwise the cleaner is a good investment.

Original poster
dazedconfused81 · 06/04/2018 20:47

Wow ladies, the powers of presumption are strong here!! Nobody mentioned her doing all the housework, or anyone expecting a prestine house, so I don’t need a lecture please 😊

Yes, I had considered keeping the cleaner for the first month or two, to at least give her a fighting chance of recovering from childbirth and getting into a decent routine. But I am anxious about finances too, there will be approx £1500/mth less coming into the household, not an insignificant amount.

The sharing the maternity leave discussion is done, there’s no point falling out about it again, nothing can change now. But I’ve threatened that with the next baby, she can go back after 2 weeks and i’ll have the 9mths paternity.

OP posts:
64BooLane · 06/04/2018 20:47

It’s not essential to have a cleaner, but it is essential for you to understand that tidying and cleaning - and equally importantly, noticing/deciding what needs to be tidied or cleaned - won’t be your wife’s ‘job’.

Changebagsandgladrags · 06/04/2018 20:49

Before I started my maternity leave I thought I would spend the time writing a book.

What actually happened was that I had a baby that woke every two hours, day and night. Exhausted doesn't even do it justice.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 06/04/2018 20:50

I’m assuming your wife is on full or almost full pay for a period of her maternity leave? And then her pay will drop a bit. However she will also be saving money on commuting costs and lunches/coffees etc. I would plan to keep the cleaner for the first month or two and reassess when youre both settled into parenthood and have a fair idea of how you (both!) will manage the housework without a cleaner whilst managing work and baby.

NameChange30 · 06/04/2018 20:50

“But I’ve threatened that with the next baby, she can go back after 2 weeks and i’ll have the 9mths paternity.”

Ah so you’re planning to gestate and birth number two then Hmm

MsGameandWatching · 06/04/2018 20:51

But I’ve threatened that with the next baby, she can go back after 2 weeks and i’ll have the 9mths paternity

Well physically for your wife and a newborn that won't be possible so let's assume you're joking there Smile.

There's something really shitty about your attitude. Just a general tone. I hope your wife is emotionally strong enough to deal with you...

PrettyWisdomous · 06/04/2018 20:51

I’ve threatened that with the next baby, she can go back after 2 weeks and i’ll have the 9mths paternity

Hmm
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 06/04/2018 20:52

there will be approx £1500/mth less coming into the household

Is that after you’ve accounted for her maternity pay?

Tainbri · 06/04/2018 20:52

I’ve threatened that with the next baby, she can go back after 2 weeks and i’ll have the 9mths paternity

Sounds like she should run for the hills! You sound like a right catch - not Angry

Viviennemary · 06/04/2018 20:52

Depends entirely on what your financial state is. If your barely managing then perhaps the cleaner will have to go. But if you can manage it keep the cleaner on. If you cancel the cleaner be prepared to take on most of the housework yourself.

TheImprobableGirl · 06/04/2018 20:52

Will you be popping the baby out yourself then with the 9months paternity? Squeezing a huge melon through your penis? Having your perineum cut with some scissors so you can fit the salad tongs in? Or leave it so it could split in two? Have hundreds of stitches and potentially life threatening surgery?

I am in awe of your willingness to take on all these lovely things for your wife. Not to mention looking after a toddler too! Phew, you are going to be one. busy. guy.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 06/04/2018 20:52

It's a bit weird to say "get rid of the cleaner". It sounds like you're planning to bump her off.
Don't forget to give her notice and a nice leaving present to say thanks. I feel a bit sorry for the poor disposable woman.