to say we get rid of cleaner when maternity leave starts?

[dazedconfused81]

Man alert!! 😂 So my wife starts maternity leave soon and is adament she wants to take as long as possible off, so 12mths probably. (Which is another bone of contention, as I would have liked to take longer off work than the standard 2 weeks!)

Obviously I’m worried about the financial impact this will have, and we’ve discussed cutting back. One of the things I think we should get rid of is the cleaner, which currently costs us about £140/mth. She disagrees, saying we will need it more than ever.

Am I being unreasonable?

Before I started my maternity leave I thought I would spend the time writing a book

Yes, I started an OU degree course. A decade on and two children later I am still not finished.

I don't think you need to worry about baby no.2 OP.

Of course she doesnt need a cleaner, If finances are tight I would cancel the cleaner.

It isn’t ‘presumption’, it’s that we are all aware of broad, sweeping, documented structural inequality in this sort of stuff. You’re the exception, huh? Lovely. Then you ought to know better than to suggest the women on this thread are being ‘presumptuous’.

And nobody is lecturing you. People are replying to your post. You didn’t frame it with much in the way of concrete detail, so you’re getting general ‘as long as x and y’ type replies.

I’ve threatened that with the next baby, she can go back after 2 weeks and i’ll have the 9mths paternity

I hope that's a humorous joke.
Or do you really think your contribution to creating a baby is equal to your wife's?

But I’ve threatened that with the next baby, she can go back after 2 weeks and i’ll have the 9mths paternity Riiiiiiiggghhhhttt.

140 buys a fair bit of cleaning. Maybe just cut the hours down? Depends on the size of your house tbh, and whether this is more you making a point or a genuine financial worry. Do you earn a reasonable amount?

Finances may well be tight, how can we know for sure? But I rather suspect that even if money was no object this discussion would still be had as OP seems to want to ensure his DW is pulling her weight during her lovely long 12 month holiday.

Yes...that's the tone I'm getting too.

Saying it how it is there Thelmprobable!
They never remember to tell you that scary shit at ante natal classes do they?

Just so you know, when you take this 9 month paternity leave, you'll be swapping your day job for a 24 hour, 7 days a week job with no pay and minimal appreciation. Enjoy!

Keep the cleaner, or reduce her hours. £140 a month is a lot. Our cleaner is £20 a week. That's for 2 hours, in London. For that she cleans the kitchen and bathroom and does a hoover and dust everywhere else.

You’re a real catch aren’t you?

Having seen three labours/births, my husband no longers jests about volunteering to have the next one. 😂 In fact, he was somewhat in awe.

Nobody lectured you, just provided feedback as requested. Your second post makes you sound a real prince. What woman wouldn't love a guy setting a two week deadline on recovering from birth?

OP, you sound passive aggressive and resentful. This isn’t about cleaning, it’s clearly about you looking for ways to punish your pregnant wife and make her life harder because you think she has denied you ‘time off work’.

And why do you assume we’re all ‘ladies’? You’re here!

I increased my cleaner to twice a week when I had a baby

I would suggest maybe cutting the cleaner down to fortnightly. Having a cleaner come can be a little bit stressful if you have children, in that it means you need to tidy up all the chaos of a household with children’s stuff in it in order to get your money’s worth (because the cleaner can’t really clean through clutter). Maybe only needing to do this once a fortnight is more realistic than weekly anyway? (I’m assuming you currently have a weekly clean)

With a new born sometimes it's impossible even to get yourself dressed for hours, or you make yourself a cup of tea and don't get time to drink it. Clearly it's far from essential to have a cleaner, we didn't but the majority of the cleaning was done by my DH.

If you're willing to do 50% of the housework then make that clear to your wife and see if she's still unwilling to let the cleaner go. If you can't or won't do that, I would keep the cleaner.

140 quids worth of cleaner is alot of cleaning.

However I wouldn't cancel it for at least 3 mths unless you are prepared to do it. Unless married to superwoman of course.

@dazedconfused81
It's lovely you're asking for advice. I personally think that keeping the cleaner going for the first month would be helpful. If your wife needs a c section or has a difficult birth/is struggling with a fussy baby/ is finding the transition difficult then you need to potentially keep the cleaner longer or redirect those funds towards someone who can help at home with the baby.
You don't mention whether you have family nearby. My family were amazing with all of our newborns. Ironing, laundry, meals etc. If you don't have that support locally then I would suggest that would be a better use of funds than cleaning.
Yes, a pristine house is nice. But when you've got a newborn, not showered for a few days and haven't slept more than two hours straight for longer than you can remember... a hot meal or a shower in peace is your priority!

You are aware that childbirth is a fairly big physical thing, aren't you? If not you have a big shock coming.

I had completely normal drug free births with no injuries, and I was still completely unable to do anything much for the first two weeks.

And then spent the rest of the next 12 months sleeping less than 3h/day, desperately trying to bf a very sick child back to health.

Dh did every bit of cooking cleaning, admin and all the rest of it that year (as well as working), and he still had the easy job.

Dont call us "ladies". Its patronising and overlooks the men on here.

You dont come across well. Im posting for the deletion message after you've wound everyone up...

Yes by all means fire your cleaner. Be aware looking after a new born in a full time 24/7 exhausting job. Even if you are sharing your fair share you will also have more baby related demands on your time outside work so its useful to have help. £140pw is a lot. But she will be home more so house will get more lived in. You might find that your usual amount of cleaner time still leaves more work to be done.

OP, you sound passive aggressive and resentful. This isn’t about cleaning, it’s clearly about you looking for ways to punish your pregnant wife and make her life harder because you think she has denied you ‘time off work’.

Yup, that's the impression I get too.

Will you be breastfeeding on your 9 month paternity leave?