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Original poster

People offended by kids not being invited to wedding

493 replies

Timeforachange2018 · 06/04/2018 08:49

Going to a family wedding in June- the couple aren’t inviting kids apart from their own 2 and have made that clear. It’s for financial reasons and they are keeping the wedding small to 50 people.

Found out that some relatives are offended by this because their kids aren’t invited and were off with the groom about it.

Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people. I have been to plenty of weddings where my kids were not invited- I totally get why that would be the case & I am not remotely offended by it. I am just happy to be invited and am looking forward to a childfree day sipping champagne and celebrating with the couple.

Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people?

OP posts:
MinnieMousse · 06/04/2018 08:52

I don't think guests should be offended if this DC are not invited but the bride and groom should equally not be offended if some guests can't make it because of childcare etc. Not everyone has somebody they can leave their children with overnight.

MinnieMousse · 06/04/2018 08:53

their DC

Helspopje · 06/04/2018 08:54

Each to their own
I just decline invitations to 'childfree' weddings
No-one to look after ours overnight and baby still breast fed so no option really
My cousin was beyond confused when I declined. Then he had kids...

ShatnersWig · 06/04/2018 08:54

I'm with you all the way on this one.

If I was the groom and someone came to me "offended" I'd shut them down and say "well, sorry you can't make it but that means we can ask X and Y to come instead of you" and walk away or hang up.

If it it means people are unable to come, so be it. They can be a bit disappointed but they should keep it to themselves. To get offended and have a go at the groom is so out of order.

CharltonLido73 · 06/04/2018 08:54

Weddings used to be all about a family celebration. When I was a kid I went to endless family weddings, and almost without exception all the family was invited. I remember my father refusing to go to one where children were not invited - this was a highly unusual state of affairs.

I have the impression that these days many weddings are more about impressing by putting on a show than about the actual broader significance of the event. Obviously, people are free to dictate the terms of their day, but I think it is a shame that this is the way things have developed over the years.

BlondeB83 · 06/04/2018 08:54

I agree with MinnieMousse.

BlondeB83 · 06/04/2018 08:56

I think your wedding should be what you want it to be, if that’s full of children then great but others don’t want to surround themselves with children all day.

isittheholidaysyet · 06/04/2018 08:56

Yes. The couple are perfectly entitled to a child free wedding. And all the reasons make sense.

But whilst you may have acceptable childcare, and kids who can be left. Others don't. Especially at a family wedding where all their normal child carers are at the wedding.

You are looking forward to a child free day sipping champagne.
These other relatives may have just discovered that they cannot attend the wedding, because their children aren't invited and it is not possible to leave them.
They may care greatly about the bride and groom and be terribly disappointed that they can't join them to support them on their big day.

Should they have been 'off' with the groom? No. Of course not.

But this is the bride and grooms choice, they chose no children, no children often inevitably means no adults.

Brummiegirl15 · 06/04/2018 08:57

Not at all, I agree.
If a couple want a child free wedding, for whatever reason, space, money or actually because they just don't want children there. That is absolutely their choice and their prerogative.

Too many times on here I've seen posters say quite furiously, "we come as a package and if my children aren't invited then I won't go either". That's absolutely their choice and their prerogative as well.

And of course if a couple do say "no children" they have to accept that some people may say no. Either because they don't want to leave their children or simply can't due to no childcare or perhaps too young.

And I say this as a mother of two who has had to decline two invites due to breastfeeding. Because the no children included "babes in arms" which says to me they just didn't want children there. Which is disappointing as I would've loved to go, but it's their wedding, their choice.

Original poster
Timeforachange2018 · 06/04/2018 08:57

I agree too about the childcare issues- I have 2 young kids myself and it’s going to be tricky sorting childcare.

It’s more about the being offended bit- this wedding is low key, not showy- it’s just they don’t have loads of cash & have made that clear from the outset.

It’s the being offence after this has been made clear that I find bizarre.

OP posts:
Original poster
Timeforachange2018 · 06/04/2018 08:58

*being offended

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 06/04/2018 08:59

Yanbu

I find this pathetic too

Plus I like a nice child free wedding Grin

ShatnersWig · 06/04/2018 09:01

Charlton said Weddings used to be all about a family celebration

Weird. I always thought weddings were all about two people who love each other getting married.

Kissthealderman · 06/04/2018 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarthasGinYard · 06/04/2018 09:06

"we come as a package and if my children aren't invited then I won't go either".

This always makes me chuckle.

Conjours up images of the Griswoldes or similar in the pea green family station wagon....

I remember an invited saying similar regarding a wedding I attended years ago. Thought it was odd then and I was only a dc myself.

Enidblyton1 · 06/04/2018 09:07

What ages are the children of the bride and groom? In principle I agree with you, but I'd have thought the children would have a much better time if they had a few cousins at the wedding. But it obviously depends on how many family children we are talking about and their ages. I think it's lovely to have family children to a wedding, but there are only 4 children under ten in my family.

thecatsthecats · 06/04/2018 09:07

Charlton - isn't it lovely now that people can do what they like rather than being hamstrung by tradition and faaaaaaamily?

My friends - childfree, childless, and child having, uniformly love a get together without kids all over the place, and having more of their friends there rather than a dozen kids.

I think it's great that people get to focus on putting on a show and a spectacle, and only people who like to put that down then assume that the people involved are missing the 'broader significance' - which has nothing to do with Great Auntie Ethel or Cousin Louise's brood of kids either, incidentally.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 06/04/2018 09:09

In my group of friends it seems to be an entertaining cycle - “no children” at a couples wedding, and then they have children and realise actually it’s a bit of a cunt thing to do, especially with young babies.

I think it’s a non issue either way but if you’re excluding children from your wedding, you have to be prepared to accept some people declining the invite. People being offended about the invitation not extending to children are wankers IMO.

BigPinkBall · 06/04/2018 09:09

I think it depends, if it’s a wedding close to where most guests live and the bride and groom know that most people can easily get childcare then it’s fine.

However if they’re like a couple I know (don’t really feel like calling them friends at this moment Angry) they organise a destination wedding where you’d have to leave your child to go to another country for a minimum of 3 days, and choose a venue where there’s no option for local childcare then I do think a no child wedding is selfish. Especially if they then don’t understand when you decline their invitation and tell you to just leave your 12 month old breastfed child with grandparents, who I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving her with for reasons that are none of their business. Rant over Grin

Eggzandbacon · 06/04/2018 09:09

I think lots of people don’t realise childcare is an issue. They either have lots of it or no children themselves.
There is no circumstance where I can leave DD all weekend, just can’t happen just now.

I had a uni friend who was FURIOUS that a friend turned up with a 2 week old BF baby - ‘couldn’t they have left it with someone’.
Baby was zero problem as well. It was admiral they had even made it as they lived several hours away.

Strangely when she had her own children she had issues leaving them.

Notthisnotthat · 06/04/2018 09:13

My wedding was child free, apart from my niece and nephew on my DHs side, my family is pretty small and my siblings and cousins didn't have children yet, my DHs family is massive so he invited adults only as that's what we could afford, the distant cousins kicked up a huge fuss about their children not being invited rather than declining. It's interesting now that their children are getting married who makes the invite list, not many children are.

HuglessDuglas · 06/04/2018 09:15

I never remember going to weddings as a child and I have a huge extended family - it our area it just wasn't the dine thing so now I find it weird when the children do get invited.
I'm not really sure weddings are very interesting for children- could they really care about the vows and what they mean, the boring bit until the reception starts the dinner the speeches the only bit I can see them enjoying is the disco and possibly getting dressed up.
Whereas adults generally do enjoy the vows, the people watching, catching up with family and friends, the speeches, the dinner the dancing.
This is why my children do not attend they spend the day having fun being kids playing being a bit noisy with a trusted family member or friend not attending.

honeylulu · 06/04/2018 09:15

They can invite who they want. That is fair enough. Guests are free to arrange childcare or politely decline.

The only time i experienced this but felt it was unreasonable was when i was told I couldn't bring my breastfed 4 week old yet my cousin was dismayed when i said i didn't see how i could attend (the no children rule had come from his bride to be although children from HER side were invited grrrrr). I do think there should be an exception for non mobile babies who won't take up a seat or eat a meal.

I do feel a bit Hmm when three invitation couches it in terms that the bride and groom are "giving you the day off to enjoy yourselves". Er, no - guests still have to arrange and fund childcare in the same way they they would had had the guests decided to "give themselves a day off parenting"

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 06/04/2018 09:15

friend who was FURIOUS that a friend turned up with a 2 week old BF baby
I can't blame her, if it's a no-child event, why would you take a baby there? That's very rude.

I think people are offended because they realise that their presence is not that important to anyone. If they can't attend because of childcare, it's fine, no one cares if they are not there. That seem to sting some people! Breaking news, the wedding is not about the guests, it's about the bride and groom.

Weddings possibly used to be more "child friendly" many years ago, but children had better manners there too. Parents would have been mortified if the kids made a sound, whilst they are now proudly showing a screaming baby disturbing everyone, or smugly smiling at their kids running everywhere and having 0 discipline. I am sure it's one of the reasons some adults try to keep children away.

Original poster
Timeforachange2018 · 06/04/2018 09:15

The irony is that my kids, who aren’t coming, are closer relatives to the bride and groom than the ones complaining 🙄

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