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AIBU?

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Original poster

People offended by kids not being invited to wedding

493 replies

Timeforachange2018 · 06/04/2018 08:49

Going to a family wedding in June- the couple aren’t inviting kids apart from their own 2 and have made that clear. It’s for financial reasons and they are keeping the wedding small to 50 people.

Found out that some relatives are offended by this because their kids aren’t invited and were off with the groom about it.

Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people. I have been to plenty of weddings where my kids were not invited- I totally get why that would be the case & I am not remotely offended by it. I am just happy to be invited and am looking forward to a childfree day sipping champagne and celebrating with the couple.

Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people?

OP posts:
Liverbird77 · 06/04/2018 11:09

We had a child free wedding. We didn't want the ceremony to be disrupted. Our choice. I would totally understand anyone not attending because they had child care issues. I wouldn't have been happy if someone had just decided to turn up with a baby. I would've expected them to have declined the invitation. If we are ever lucky enough to have children I will also understand and decline if necessary. It really isn't a big deal.

geekone · 06/04/2018 11:11

YANBU we had a child free wedding other than flower girls and page boy. There was a big hoo haa people rebelled and didn't go. I have a DC now and pretty much unless he has to go, I prefer to wedding with just DH way more fun.

Dontforgetyourtowel · 06/04/2018 11:11

I've been there and done that. We had 5k for the wedding. That was it. We could not afford to double the guest list, whichever way we looked at it.

Caribou58 · 06/04/2018 11:12

I didn't even invite members of my family to either of my weddings - had two mates at the first and the grand total of three at the second (I have almost a phobia about being the centre of attention)!

I can understand why people don't want kids at their weddings, but can equally understand why that might rule some people out of going.

timeisnotaline · 06/04/2018 11:12

I’m offended by excluding babes in arms - they don’t cost extra or take up a seat, and couples not having them should just be honest and say to the parents we don’t care that much if you can’t celebrate our wedding rather than tippy toe around it with a ‘no babies’ invitation. Children- I love having them there but am fine with couples choosing not to invite them.
Someone earlier wanted to say weddings are not about families. Catholic weddings the promises include to cherish any children etc- they are about families. I judge couples willing to say those words while their friends aren’t there to share their celebration because they have dared to have a baby.
And of course I think anyone excluding children who doesn’t get why guests with children may not be able to make it to their wedding is an idiot.

Viviennemary · 06/04/2018 11:13

I can see it from both sides. Badly behaved children can be a nuisance at weddings. The parents are to blame for that I'd say. Then some people can't always get babysitters especially if it involves an overnight stay. What would annoy me is when children aren't invited but exceptions made for x y and z reasons. that's cheeky IMHO. And it's also cheeky to turn up with a baby if no babies are invited. No matter what the reason.

Mydoghatesthebath · 06/04/2018 11:14

How can some people manage to make someone else’s wedding all about themselves.

Small children are a pain in the arse. They all are. Weddings are about the couple getting married. The vows are important and serious so why would you want small kids running around and shouting. We had 6 kids and for some reason ours were never asked to weddings. Grin

savingmysanity · 06/04/2018 11:15

We only have one child in our family and friends group, we're just at an age where nobody has any yet. This made having a childfree wedding much easier. The parents of said child seemed quite pleased to leave him behind.

Personally I don't like weddings with kids, In my experience other peoples baby's get handed to me "oooh you'll be next, here practice" whilst the parents swan off elsewhere.

Mydoghatesthebath · 06/04/2018 11:16

I don’t think it’s cheeky some kids are invited and some arnt! Why? The bride and groom may want their kids snd family kids there but not all their friends kids. Seems reasonably to me

howthelightgetsin · 06/04/2018 11:17

People can do whatever they want for their weddings, but no matter who was getting married I wouldn’t go to a child free wedding.

Mia1415 · 06/04/2018 11:19

I don't think I'd be offended at being invited to a child free wedding, however I think I'd be upset if certain relatives/ friends went child free. I completely understand that they are entitled to invite who they like to their wedding, however childfree = I can't go, and I would be sad about that.

Whisky2014 · 06/04/2018 11:19

I'm having a child free wedding because they are a pain! Crying through ceremony, making a mess at dinner always running around always on dancefloor with a couple of adults swinging them about whilst everyone else is secretly hoping they go to bed and everyone can relax. Even my friends and family with kids have agreed it's much better without kids there!

wildduckhunt · 06/04/2018 11:21

Oh so many things.

I actually like my children < ah fuck off. I actually like mine too, but it doesn't mean I should feel bad about wanting to enjoy some time where I don't have to be "mum" all the time.

Weddings used to be all about a family celebration < it's not a bad thing that people these days don't feel so beholden to Peggy Mitchell style ideas of faaaaaaaaahmlee. For a lot of couples they'll only invite certain family members out of obligation, and would far rather invite people that they've actually chosen to be friends with based on common interests rather than being lumped together based on nothing more than procreation. Especially when people are less commonly born and bred in the one town any more, so a cousins won't be that close, never mind the womb-fruit of cousins.

Boulshired · 06/04/2018 11:22

With family you know what type of family you have, my DPs family would be offended as for them family is everything. This works both ways as I know if my DCs needed anything they would be there. It is their culture it is dying off but it’s still there. Also “it’s an invitation not a summons” not with my family, people have been cut off for less. Local wedding do not mind child free, but If hotels and travel needed I would rather have a well needed break with my children. Not rich enough to afford both.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 06/04/2018 11:23

RafikiIsTheBest
I wanted a child free wedding, I really did, but mine was abroad so realistically people couldn't have come for a few days without their children. We had around 20 kids and a few babies. We hired 2 babysitters/entertainers who knew they would have to distract the children. There was a separate room set up for the kids, so they were with their parents for the ceremony and the beginning of the meal - parents can take care of their own kids sometimes!. Then once they polished their food, they disappear and only came back for the cake. There was a sweet buffet set up for them too. They had a football match before dinner, indoors things during, it was fine.

They were no trouble because they were busy.

Dontforgetyourtowel · 06/04/2018 11:27

timeisnotaline not all weddings are Catholic. Thankfully.

BlueSapp · 06/04/2018 11:30

Dontforgetyourtowel very rude

walkingtheplank · 06/04/2018 11:31

We've had this twice. Fair enough, it's a family wedding and we want to go. We've had to pay a babysitter for a 15 hour shift each time and not drink due to driving home. What i do mind is being made to feel unreasonable for not staying all night (as we need to relieve the babysitter) or moans about not seeing the children who they haven't invited. You can't have it both ways.

In OP. it's not reasonable to moan to the groom.

JeSaisPas · 06/04/2018 11:32

OP, this exact same situation has just happened to me as the bride-to-be. The only difference is that we don't have kids ourselves. All of my DP's cousin's have refused to come (7 of them plus partners so most of his guests!) because it's adults-only and one of them has two young kids. We said we'd let one of them come with their 3-month-old but they refused on principle. They have been so rude to us, demanding we change our plans because "weddings are family events" despite the fact that we only have 50 guests and if kids came it would take it up to 75 and we simply can't afford it. Not to mention it's an evening wedding and we just prefer no lively kids there for one day in our lives!

It's been so so upsetting, especially for my DP and I will never forgive them for making our day all about them and souring what should be such a happy experience for us.

JeSaisPas · 06/04/2018 11:34

Oh, and the one who actually has kids lives 10 minutes away and friends have offered to babysit so it's not a question of logistics, but principle.

TheMythicalChicken · 06/04/2018 11:35

I don’t get child-free weddings at all. It’s expensive enough attending somebody else’s wedding without the expense of childcare.

I was invited to a famous person’s wedding a few years ago, but as it was child-free we declined. I don’t wish to impose my kids on anybody but it is unreasonable to expect parents to dump their kids for a weekend in order to attend someone else’s wedding.

If you are happy to do so, you either have money or family support, or both. Not everyone does.

BlueSapp · 06/04/2018 11:39

JeSaisPas you are being unreasonable by complaining when people can't come when you've put stipulations on the event.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/04/2018 11:39

I find it a bit weird as well, although I do think that exceptions should be made for infants who are still breastfeeding (I allowed them at my wedding, which was otherwise child-free).

My biggest concern was the unruly children with parents who seemed unable to control them - family, sadly, not friends! Friends who had small children preferred to leave them with other relatives (and had done so at previous weddings in the same group of friends too).

We had a registry office wedding which limited the number of people we could invite anyway - fire regs meant we had a max of 50 guests. Adding in children would have meant leaving out other people who we really wanted there.

Weddings are so much more expensive now than they used to be, it's not always possible to have every cousin and their children along!

Dontforgetyourtowel · 06/04/2018 11:41

BlueSapp It's not rude. I hate religion (for all the harm and death it has caused all over the world, throughout the centuries). If you think that's rude then so be it.

AlieMe · 06/04/2018 11:42

We were married last year and had no children bar two nieces and a nephew who were flower girls and page boy. My sister's MiL picked up her two children after the church ceremony and pictures and looked after them, and we paid for childcare at the venue for DH's sister's daughter as she doesn't have any friends who could watch her five year old and family members were at the wedding.

I now have a five month old and I am ebf and I still feel we were right in not having kids and I'd support anyone who wanted the same. I've been to too many weddings where the kids have talked, shouted and screamed through the wedding ceremony or where the parents have allowed the kids to run riot during the reception and other guests have ended up entertaining them. I didn't want that at my wedding and say that he who pays the piper calls the tune. If that means at some point I can't attend a friend or family member's wedding due to childcare, so be it.

It's their day and what they want. I don't understand why so many people think that other people want to see their kids or entertain them at a wedding.

And I am not blaming the kids. Weddings are either boring for them or their is too much excitement, or both. I remember attending a few as a kid and my parents keeping us clamped quietly by their sides. We were impeccably behaves, but it was shite.

As for people being pissed off that after having a new kids rule the bride and groom brought their own ... Seriously? They pay for the wedding. Their kids.