People offended by kids not being invited to wedding

[Timeforachange2018]

Going to a family wedding in June- the couple aren’t inviting kids apart from their own 2 and have made that clear. It’s for financial reasons and they are keeping the wedding small to 50 people.

Found out that some relatives are offended by this because their kids aren’t invited and were off with the groom about it.

Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people. I have been to plenty of weddings where my kids were not invited- I totally get why that would be the case & I am not remotely offended by it. I am just happy to be invited and am looking forward to a childfree day sipping champagne and celebrating with the couple.

Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people?

BuntyII

A 4 year old isn't going to give a shit about missing Sue and David's wedding! It's probably an extremely dull thing to sit through. It won't have any relevance to his life, and he certainly won't care about missing the experience.

However if you invite SOME children you really do have to invite all. That's why the floodgates can be opened and I can see that people might object to having 20-50 children at a wedding and having to pay for all their meals when, as I said, they really aren't going to understand or care about the significance of the day.

Weddings definitely make people weird.

I suppose YANBU OP - but that said, I would have been upset if my dsis had not invited my dc to her wedding! I couldn't have helped it - it's an emotion. I do think it's a bit sad not to have nieces/nephews.

We're going to a wedding tomorrow, one of my DH's friend from work who I don't know very well - and to be honest, I just assumed our dc weren't invited, and made plans for my mum to look after them.

Turns out they were invited - which, having read so many MN threads about this, surprised me Anyway, we decided to go just as a couple and and not inflict gangly teens/preteens on them have some nice relaxed time just us.

I think it's absolutely ridiculous when people get offended that their kids aren't invited and it is NOT, as a PP said, a "cunt thing to do" to not invite kids 🙄

If you invite some and not others it causes upset. It is much easier to have a blanket ban and just accept that some people may not be able to make it - however in my experience if people want to go, they will find someone to babysit. If they don't want to then that's fine, I'd rather invite someone else!

My sister is getting married next year and I intend to tell her to not invite my DC! I think there's a sense of obligation to invite close family but it makes it so hard on where you draw the line and someone will inevitably not take a loud child out of the ceremony and ruin it for everyone. I am with you OP, I'd rather enjoy the day responsibility free!

We were fine with a wedding invite that didn't include children, slightly bemused that this extended to adult children. Assumed it was due to costs but were told the couple didn't want kids at the wedding. Then the wedding photos included many small children. Ah well.

Shinycat

These people just dislike children.

Its less Bullshit than this ^

However if you invite SOME children you really do have to invite all.

Do you? I think it's perfectly acceptable to have a rule like nieces/nephews only, or nieces/nephews and first cousins. Or no children under the age of 12. Once you apply the rule to everyone. So not nieces/nephews plus Sue from work's little Tarquin because Sue kicked up a fuss.

Hmmmmm🤔

I think many of the 'fine with it' posters.... aren't actually

I'm going to a wedding overseas which is childfree. We're using the hotel babysitter easy.

More annoying is a close relative getting married who wants children at ceremony but not at reception. This means either asking a friend to drive 45 minutes out of town to pick up children, transferring car seats then 45 minutes back into town then looking after them then picking them up after reception and once again transferring car seats. I think it's a pretty big ask of a friend and a lot of hassle so children will just spend day with friend which is still a big ask, a whole day of babysitting! Close relative is very annoyed that children aren't coming, not quite sure why they don't understand how much hassle it is, yes your friends can do it cos their families won't be at the wedding!

Our wedding was childfree apart from DH’s godson and his sister. I don’t know why some parents don’t understand that there are big practical and financial implications if everyone brought their children!

*Bollocks.

The people who exclude all children have dozens of mates and work colleagues, so that bullshit doesn't wash.*

You will have to explain this as I don’t understand what point you are making.

These people just dislike children. Their prerogative, but at least be bloody honest about it

No. I honestly do like children. Sadly could not have any of my own.

My friend is getting married in the summer. I'm pregnant now and the new baby will be about 9 months when they get married. I feel certain she's going to want a child free wedding, nothing to do with cost, but because she'll want everything to be "perfect". She's very much about appearances and has used the phrase "I am a princess and whatever princess X wants princess X gets" more than once since I've known her. There's absolutely no way I'll be able to get childcare as we live in another country so I'll have to decline the invite, and I just know it's going to cause huge drama with her getting horribly offended and suggesting "solutions" that would never work. I get wanting your wedding day to be about you, but when cost is no issue I don't understand why you would knowingly put conditions in place that exclude or make life hard for the people you say you want to be there to celebrate with you.

If I were invited to a family wedding I would expect my kids to come too, all of our childcare options would be invited as well so if they said it was child free I'd be insulted because they would know I wouldn't be able to come (there would be no opportunity for paying for childcare for this sort of thing it just doesn't exist round here).

If it were a friends wedding I wouldn't bring my kids anyway but I would fully expect to see their family children there. That just seems to be the way things here are done and no one complains.

We have been invited to a child-free wedding abroad. As it's my family (DH's are all dead) all our childcare options will be there. I just took it that we weren't really wanted / expected there and cheerily declined. No drama.

I don't like it when it's made out like it's doing us some sort of favour - we haven't had more than a handful of nights off since DC arrived (3 very young DC limits your options!)and I would like to choose what we do with the very rare childcare offers we get. Luckily our children have been generously included at most friends' weddings. There is one coming up that I don't think they'll be invited too, so DH might go alone.

We were fine with a wedding invite that didn't include children, slightly bemused that this extended to adult children.

Excluding adult children is much more justifiable, given that they don’t require childcare. I’m not close to my mum’s friends. If they invited my to their wedding it would be really odd.

'I am a princess and whatever princess X wants princess X gets" '

Vom

That sentence alone would make me decline invite

Dc wouldn't even come into it

CaffeineAndCrochet

Your rule about under 12s for example makes sense, but I would be worried about drawing a line otherwise associated with closeness. E.g. Tarquin can't come because I am not as close to you as my sister. Or just tarquin doesn't come and then sue sees all these other children at the wedding and gets annoyed. People just get very sensitive and offended re their little darlings so it's easier I think to say no little darlings or all little darlings. Tarquin will probably have a whale of a time at home with his manchego and quinoa anyway 😂

As long as they don't then moan when you don't go.

It wouldn't offend me; I would look forward to the childfree day! However if I had a very young ebf baby and it wasn't possible for said baby to attend the wedding it would mean not going. We have relatives and a childminder who could have the DCs though - not everyone does.

Saying that we have been invited to a family wedding overseas (a longhaul destination) next year. It is a childfree wedding. B & G are not really being very understanding about the fact it's unrealistic for us to attend given that we would have to leave the DCs at home and as it's a family wedding, would have no-one to leave them with

However if you invite SOME children you really do have to invite all.

Really? So, if I work in an open plan office of 60 people I have to invite all of them, not just the six I work most closely with?

Both guests and bride and grooms seem to have greater capacity to be offended about weddings than lots of other things.

Brides and groom are totally free to invite who they wish to their weddings - they have to recognise the consequences of inviting everyone or having a restricted list. Sometimes Brides and Grooms seem to think that being the Bride and groom means they can BOTH invite who they wish AND expect everyone to attend and do everything they wish. In reality they can't have both,mbut some don't seem to realise this.

So, don't invite children - fine - gives them the advantage of saving money, being able to use smaller venue, invite more friends etc - but possible consequence is that some people can't come due to lack of childcare. Bride and groom need to understand and accept this as a possible consequence of their choice.

Invite children - fine - means people shouldn't have the childcare issues, but might mean bigger bill or less room for friends etc.

In the end, isn't all of this about accepting and understanding none of us can have everything and that the world doesnt revolve around us. Brides and grooms can think that being these getting married means everything can revolve around them, but it can't - people might have to decline due to kids not being invited or distance or costs involved - all valid. Guests have to accept that it is someone else's wedding and they get to choose Who is invited - the guests however get to choose if to accept.

I've had weddings I've been invited to and had to decline. I've been sad not to see that family memeber or friend married - but I've been glad to have been invited and only declined because of circumstances. Likewise,now hen I got married, I had to choose who to invite and not and had people decline for practical reasons, some of which related to choices I'd made - I was sad they weren't there, but understood why they couldn't be.

Guests and bridal couples - it's not all about you!

@ballroompink, check if your hotel has a babysitter, you could still take them and go to the wedding? We've also been overseas for a wedding and took my mum with us too specifically to look after children, although they were invited to that one, we just wanted a great night 😂

My mum is coming to our city to look after our children for a wedding later in the year, she'll probably end up looking after some other friends children too, you could always check if any of the other guests are bringing someone to babysit.

I have to admit that if people choose to have a child free wedding I can’t help but judge a little.
Of course it is their choice and they are free to do what they want and I would never say how I feel burn inside I make a judgement on them

BUT inside, not burn

I agree with Charlton. Perhaps it's my age but weddings were a family affair - you need witnesses for a reason, it's a public event by law!

I've only had one person invite me to a child-free wedding and we didn't go (same person, two weddings!).

Weddings have become a party for the bride and groom, with more of the expense passed on to the 'guests'. With families being more widespread it is inevitable that accommodation is needed more often than it was in my day (I'm old) but all these destination/child free weddings are only cheaper for the bride and groom, not the guests. Cut out the sweet cart and invite the children!

ShatnersWig

It's different with adult guests and children, because children are plus ones aren't they? I also think it's rude to give some people the option to bring their partners, but not others.

If my sister had had a childfree wedding. I would have taken it to mean that she didn't want us there. As our only long term child care is my parents, as she knows.

It would have been a direct way of saying 'I don't want you at the wedding'.
I would have been offended.

(She had a wonderful wedding with loads of kids. My daughter was 3 at the time. She is now 7, and still raves about it.)