Page 20 | People offended by kids not being invited to wedding

Timeforachange2018 · 2018-04-06T07:49:23+00:00

Going to a family wedding in June- the couple aren’t inviting kids apart from their own 2 and have made that clear. It’s for financial reasons and they are keeping the wedding small to 50 people. Found out that some relatives are offended by this because their kids aren’t invited and were off with the groom about it. Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people. I have been to plenty of weddings where my kids were not invited- I totally get why that would be the case & I am not remotely offended by it. I am just happy to be invited and am looking forward to a childfree day sipping champagne and celebrating with the couple. Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people?

SisterConcepta · 11/04/2018 23:48

Personally I would not want to take my small children to an event that involves sitting in a church for ages and then a sit down meal with speeches etc. My last wedding was a no- children wedding and even though it was a bit inconvenient, I understood on the basis that the reception would have 30+ seats taken up by under 5s. For me it’s an occasion for us as a couple to celebrate our friends / family getting married. I went to a wedding once where no one could hear the wedding vows due to screaming child.

Get a baby sitter / ask a friend / relative or just don’t go. It’s not your day.
I know a couple who have lost good friends due to their pfb not being invited to two weddings. They typically have run ins with various people over their children. Tedious.

Sillybilly1234 · 12/04/2018 00:08

Last couple of weddings we went to some kids talked through the ceremony at the first and the best man speech during the second.

I would go kids free every time.

Much more fun and you can let your hair down.

Doubletrouble99 · 12/04/2018 00:34

I never went to any weddings as a child and when I was grown up I went to very few weddings with children.

When I did have children and went to a family wedding when they were young. We arranged that they came to the wedding ceremony at the church. We sat up in the gallery and the children were very good. When we got to the venue we had arranged for a friend to come and pick them up and look after them for the rest of the evening.

PinkCrystal · 12/04/2018 01:55

I usually decline them unless they are local. Or one of us may go. We once were invited to an evening do the other side of the country. Hmmm no thanks. I am not disappointed at all I am glad to get out of it! I love small family weddings though with all ages.

PinkCrystal · 12/04/2018 01:56

I saw it as our day but also a day for all the guests as well. Not just what I wanted.

Fevs · 12/04/2018 02:35

We decided to go for a child free wedding and I had huge arguments with my husbands parents over it as they thought every single child in the family should be there. Given that would mean an additional 50 (ish) guests between us we stuck to our guns and I’ve never regretted it since. Even having had children of my own.
Weddings and who is invited is totally up to the bride and groom. Some prefer a wedding with little kids there and others not.
I embrace an invite that I receive that says no kids too as it means an evening off and an opportunity for my husband and I to properly catch up with friends and family.

buttfacedmiscreant · 12/04/2018 03:15

We said no kids except those in wedding party. Because of budget we could only invite twenty of our own friends that were not in the wedding party, two of my friends I wanted to invite had seven kids between them, so if we invited their kids we could have invited nine other friends total.

One of DHs cousins was invited by his parents, he hadn't ever spent time with him as an adult but the guy was PISSED that he couldn't bring his kid. He threatened to not attend and frankly it was no skin off my nose.

Barbie222 · 12/04/2018 09:04

A lot of it has to do with what sort of a person you are. I know people who live their lives trying to be as free of their children as possible, and see occasions like these as oases in the desert. I'm a bit the other way around, not being very sociable! I do understand what was said below about the me culture, as I know some people who only want to meet up without their children and they tend to be the sorts of people who are very intolerant of anyone who puts their life out a little bit.

Fevs · 12/04/2018 12:07

@barbie222 I don’t really see a persons preference as making them one type of person or another...? I love socialising with my children at family events and out with friends (with or without their children). However I also very much enjoy a night out with my friends or husband without the kids or a leisurely lunch now and then! I don’t see this as making me a certain ‘type’ though. Or wanting to escape them.
In terms of a wedding I think it depends on how old your children are and the type of wedding it is. But when it’s more formal and involves a long service, a lengthy sit down meal and then a DJ with lots of drinking, it would be (for me personally) a nightmare to have my 2.5 yr old there. She would get tired and ratty (and so would I!).
I don’t think either option is right or wrong it is just a personal preference. But definitely doesn’t mean that you want to be free of your children!
I’m general I think it is important to have some ‘me’ time though, however you choose to do it.

kittycat84 · 12/04/2018 12:30

They can do what they want, it's there day, there paying for it, we didn't want kids at our wedding, had to have his niece and nephew tho, there not close and We really didn't want them, there are left to run riot whenever they see them, and we don't like his bro and wife enough to go through it all, but to keep the peace they came, even mil was like oh no! And they behaved like we thought, running up and down the alise in the church, niece who was 6 ran up and jumped on the back of my dress and ripped it at the bottom, the catering staff basically ended up babysitting as they were trying to knock down the big LOVE letters,
Someone asked me who the feral kids belonged too, the parents ( his bro and sil) did it on purpose I think, just left them, saying there kids, they can run around, didn't bring anything to entertain them, there strange and unhappy in there own life!

Margot88 · 12/04/2018 12:56

@barbie222 I think the intolerance goes both ways. Parents who get angry and offended/lash out because the invitation causes an inconvenience on their part seems equally intolerant.

HadronCollider · 12/04/2018 13:49

saw it as our day but also a day for all the guests as well. Not just what I wanted

^This.

Slanetylor · 12/04/2018 20:54

It mightn’t be just what the bride and groom want. But if they want it child free and the guests want equal adults and children, only one group gets their way. You can’t keep everyone happy all the time.

ADHDAdult · 12/04/2018 21:28

@CharltonLido73 I'm with you! Weddings seem to have lost their meaning of a celebration. They all seem to be about being the most palatial. Not about celebration with the nearest and dearest!

ADHDAdult · 12/04/2018 21:33

They can do what they want, it's there day, there paying for it, we didn't want kids at our wedding, had to have his niece and nephew tho, there not close and We really didn't want them, there are left to run riot whenever they see them, and we don't like his bro and wife enough to go through it all, but to keep the peace they came, even mil was like oh no! And they behaved like we thought, running up and down the alise in the church, niece who was 6 ran up and jumped on the back of my dress and ripped it at the bottom, the catering staff basically ended up babysitting as they were trying to knock down the big LOVE letters,
Someone asked me who the feral kids belonged too, the parents ( his bro and sil) did it on purpose I think, just left them, saying there kids, they can run around, didn't bring anything to entertain them, there strange and unhappy in there own life!

But this is not normal child behaviour so not a good example of children at a wedding.

You sound so disparaging "his niece and nephew"

Daisy0818 · 26/03/2019 12:20

Hi I was just looking for some opinions my sister in law is getting married in August but has told us that nieces and nephews aren’t invited. My children are 10 and 12 and old enough to feel not wanted and upset. This would be my daughters first wedding and her first thought was I might be a flower girl she was so excited but no. They are allowing them to the Church and then all dressed up and with all the party atmosphere are just expected to go home to a babysitter while we go to the reception. She said it’s due to financial reasons (but is having a big wedding over 200 mostly friends) I would gladly pay for the cost of my children’s meal) They wouldnt be running around all night they are good kids and I would have them collected about 9. I feel myself it’s because of younger nieces and nephews who would be wilder and undisciplined (there’s 8 in total) but how can you categorize smaller children of 3/4/5 in the same category as a 10/12 year old ?

RChick · 26/03/2019 12:27

This is a zombie thread so you might be better starting your own... although it might not go as you hope.

Comefromaway · 26/03/2019 12:33

I certainly wouldn't be offended at my kids not being invited but I would expect no-one to be at all surprised when I declined.

To me it wasn't even just about childcare. Me and dh have always worked, including unsociable hours during term time and so we had to rely on childcare a lot and spent quite a lot of time away from our kids.

So our social and leisure time was precious and for example we were not going to be working all day Saturday then go to my cousin's wedding evening do leaving our kids behind. Or take time out of the school holidays, the one block of time we did have with the kids, to attend a wedding in the middle of nowhere without the kids.