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Original poster

Who was unreasonable in this cafe?

370 replies

PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 15:23

I was having a coffee earlier in a busy high street cafe and witnessed a couple of women having an argument.

It was very busy in there today and I looked up when I heard raised voices. Woman 1 was sat down at a table for 4 on her own with no food or drink. Woman 2 was stood there holding a tray with food and drink on with her two smallish children (I'd say around 4/5/6 years old.)

She had obviously asked woman 1 if she could have the table as she didn't have her food/drink but was obviously told no. That's when woman 2 started raising her voice saying she shouldn't be saving tables when the cafe is so busy whilst people with their food then have nowhere to sit.

Woman 1 argued loudly "well you should have made sure you had somewhere to sit before getting your food " to which the other woman shouted "well I can't leave my kids at a table and get food!" Woman one then told her that her dh would be here in a minute and at that moment another couple offered woman 2 the other half of their table of 4 so she sat with them and pulled up a chair to sit on the end and she made comments about "selfish people."

Meanwhile woman 1 sat defiantly for 10 minutes looking out the window until her husband had been served at the counter and came with their drinks and sandwiches. When he arrived at their table a few other tables were becoming free.

Now I know it is sense sometimes to make sure you have somewhere to sit when at a cafe where you have to take a tray and help yourself to sandwiches etc and get your hot drinks and food orders at the counter. But surely when it's busy and there are several people in front of your partner at the counter then it becomes a bit selfish, especially if you sit watching people walk around with no where to sit to eat their food. Not everyone can leave someone to reserve a table such as children for instance.

Surely by the time someone has been served other tables become free like in this case. It was so awkward watching this woman be so defiant at giving up the table for someone who had food already purchased with 2 kids in tow and rather her sit crammed up with a couple of people she didn't know, especially when her husband was quite far off being served. If it's not that busy then I don't really see an issue but it was busy and the staff were rushed off their feet.

I think woman 1 was massively unreasonable!

OP posts:
YourWanMajella · 05/04/2018 15:24

If I was woman 2 I would have just sat down at the table with the kids and waited for her to fuck off.

MrsHathaway · 05/04/2018 15:25

It depends on the cafe, though. Some have "get served first" conventions and some "get a table first" conventions.

If Woman 2's husband was in the queue then she wasn't doing much room. If he was still in Maplin then that's different.

My DC have been holding tables since they were tiny, tbf. I bet Woman 1 was kicking herself.

SabineUndine · 05/04/2018 15:25

Unless you were one of the women in question, why bother?

MrsHathaway · 05/04/2018 15:25

If Woman 2's husband was in the queue then she wasn't doing much room.

room

wrong

Aprilmightmemynewname · 05/04/2018 15:26

Woman 1 was a cf.

Sirzy · 05/04/2018 15:27

It’s one of those arguments that you will never reach a consensus on.

Personally I would never order food without knowing I had somewhere to sit. But at the same time I would also avoid places which where packed!

carefreeeee · 05/04/2018 15:27

Agree that the woman should have let people who'd already been served have the table. Unfortunately everyone tends to try and save a table which is what causes the problem in the first place

Floralnomad · 05/04/2018 15:27

I would not go and order food unless I had already got a table organised as it’s pot luck if a table becomes available an di wouldn’t want to be standing around with a tray of hot drinks / food and nowhere to sit .

RatherBeRiding · 05/04/2018 15:27

If I was woman 2 I would have pointed out that a couple on a 4 person table still leaves 2 empty seats, and would have sat down anyway and pulled up another chair for the other child.

If I'd been woman 1 I would have said that I was waiting for my partner but she was welcome to the other 2 seats.

In a busy cafe it is very selfish to try to keep empty seats at your table to yourself when other people have nowhere to sit.

Trinity66 · 05/04/2018 15:28

I don't think Woman 1 should have got up or was unreasonable to hold the table but she should have offered for them to sit at the table with her, they could have just pulled over an extra chair

Catspaws · 05/04/2018 15:28

I think that woman 1 was entitled to stay at the table she was sitting in.

Lots of places let you book a table to be sure of a seat. That's what woman 2 should have done if she wasn't willing to wait for one to become available in time.

It's not the responsibility of woman 1 to to go out of her way to accommodate woman 2. Woman 2 must have seen that the Cafe was busy but she chose to buy her food there anyway. Having made that decision she can't complain about other customers who got the table first not inconveniencing themselves for her benefit.

Bluntness100 · 05/04/2018 15:28

I think saving a table is the social norm. It's fine to ask if you can share the table but if the answer is no, the woman should have accepted that gracefully and asked someone else. If she'd simply asked the next table, who offered, none of it would have happened.

Woman 2 kicked it off in getting the no and should not have done so. For me this was unreasonable. It's not like there are not other tables she could have asked at and it's not like saving a table is not the social norm.

Fijisky · 05/04/2018 15:29

Couldn’t women 2 of sat her kids down at a table while she got the drinks if she wanted the table ?

Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 15:29

It's just odd seeing other people's behaviour I suppose. If a cafe is very busy I wouldn't reserve a table for 10/15 minutes. I think if I got my food and there were people holding tables I'd rather get a member of staff to help find a table rather then be so confrontational. Woman 2 looked like she going to burst into tears.

OP posts:
Thistlebelle · 05/04/2018 15:30

If I was woman one I would have invited them to share the table.

Catspaws · 05/04/2018 15:31

Sounds like woman 2 was probably stressed and not coping. If she's more organised next time she won't end up in the same situation!

IncyWincyGrownUp · 05/04/2018 15:31

I was in a cafe once, generic high street chain type, and we’d had one drink and I went to grab another. Got back to my table to find some random bloke had decided to sit down on the sofa. Not an empty sofa though, he sat next to my child and handbag, and in front of my still hot (if sadly empty) mug, book, and toast debris. I put my child on the other chair, sat down next to the bloke with my brew and carried on reading my book. When she arrived a few minutes later his wife was most put out when she came along with drinks and found out her husband hadn’t been able to intimidate my five year old into abandoning his space!:o

Cafe shenanigans can be an excellent spectator sport.

SweetMoon · 05/04/2018 15:32

woman 2 was unreasonable. She could have sat her kids at a table and then ordered. They weren't toddlers. Personally I wouldn't order if the place was that busy without getting a table first. She was being ridiculous if she thought someone should give up their table for her just because she didn't have the sense to secure one.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 05/04/2018 15:32

I’ll add that in my scenario the cafe was not even remotely full, they just wanted the sofa.

Fijisky · 05/04/2018 15:32

I wouldn’t order food without having anywhere to sit first. I would of sat my kids down to save a place while I got our drinks/lunch.

But in this situation I would of just sat at the table if it was the only free tables in the place. Even after she said no. She could then stay or move if she wanted.

YoThePussy · 05/04/2018 15:32

How does anyone know that woman no 1 wasn’t disabled and needed to sit down. She might have had more than one person joining her, DH could have buying food an another in the toilets. Where were woman no 2 and children going to sit then? On peoples laps?

pilates · 05/04/2018 15:33

Woman 1 was in the wrong

Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 15:36

I heard woman one say loudly that her husband was getting their food on the queue. She did look a bit awkward when her husband hadn't appeared for 10 minutes and I'd watched several people walk around looking for tables. Then when he did appear and a few tables became free she just looked selfish.

OP posts:
anxious2017 · 05/04/2018 15:36

Woman 2 was a CF.

I often sit at a table while DH and DS queue for food as I'm disabled and can't stand.

If Woman 2 had accosted me like that, she'd have set off my ptsd. She had no right to. The table was taken.

SweetMoon · 05/04/2018 15:37

I think if I got my food and there were people holding tables I'd rather get a member of staff to help find a table rather then be so confrontational.

Errr what? So already rushed off their feet staff would have to then stop what they are doing and wander round to ask customers to share their table with you because you can't do it yourself? Really?

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