Who was unreasonable in this cafe?

[PartyRingss]

I was having a coffee earlier in a busy high street cafe and witnessed a couple of women having an argument.

It was very busy in there today and I looked up when I heard raised voices. Woman 1 was sat down at a table for 4 on her own with no food or drink. Woman 2 was stood there holding a tray with food and drink on with her two smallish children (I'd say around 4/5/6 years old.)

She had obviously asked woman 1 if she could have the table as she didn't have her food/drink but was obviously told no. That's when woman 2 started raising her voice saying she shouldn't be saving tables when the cafe is so busy whilst people with their food then have nowhere to sit.

Woman 1 argued loudly "well you should have made sure you had somewhere to sit before getting your food " to which the other woman shouted "well I can't leave my kids at a table and get food!" Woman one then told her that her dh would be here in a minute and at that moment another couple offered woman 2 the other half of their table of 4 so she sat with them and pulled up a chair to sit on the end and she made comments about "selfish people."

Meanwhile woman 1 sat defiantly for 10 minutes looking out the window until her husband had been served at the counter and came with their drinks and sandwiches. When he arrived at their table a few other tables were becoming free.

Now I know it is sense sometimes to make sure you have somewhere to sit when at a cafe where you have to take a tray and help yourself to sandwiches etc and get your hot drinks and food orders at the counter. But surely when it's busy and there are several people in front of your partner at the counter then it becomes a bit selfish, especially if you sit watching people walk around with no where to sit to eat their food. Not everyone can leave someone to reserve a table such as children for instance.

Surely by the time someone has been served other tables become free like in this case. It was so awkward watching this woman be so defiant at giving up the table for someone who had food already purchased with 2 kids in tow and rather her sit crammed up with a couple of people she didn't know, especially when her husband was quite far off being served. If it's not that busy then I don't really see an issue but it was busy and the staff were rushed off their feet.

I think woman 1 was massively unreasonable!

Sorry, but the woman reserving the table was not being unreasonable. The woman who expected her to move to accommodate her life choices was being unreasonable.

This is literally a mumsnet only thing. In the real world people get a table before they order.

Vinol her life choices?

It's a tricky one! If I walked into a café with small children I wouldn't eat there if I couldn't sit down, because obviously I couldn't feed the children properly. So I would reserve a table, yes. Most people do - especially since it wouldn't be long before the partner came along with the food. On the other hand it is also annoying to be holding a tray of food and not having anywhere to sit. I think I would be thinking then that I was wrong not to secure a table, not that the other one was wrong to do so.

It's not her fault the service was slow is it?

She had a seat and the mum didn't - tough luck! My kids would sit in a cafe while I queued so they weren't under my feet - not an issue

i table save when somewheres busy . i usually send the kids over while i queue.

Like I said, if her husband was next in line or at least near the front of the queue then it wouldn't be a problem. But 15 minutes is a long time to hold a table of 4 in a busy cafe. I didn't find the service particularly slow, the queue was just long.

You seem to know an awful lot about woman 1's husband. How did you know she had been there 5 minutes already when you earlier stated

It was very busy in there today and I looked up when I heard raised voices.

Wouldn't that suggest you noticed this woman only when the disagreement ensued? Which also wouldn't account for you knowing exactly where in the queue her husband was at this point in time and how long he had been there. Or even which one of the many people in this extrordinarily long queue was her husband. Yet next you are stating

Her husband was way off being served.
She must have been there 5 minutes before woman 2 asked and was there for another 10 after

Something isn't adding up here, op. Are you woman 2?

I think woman 1 was unreasonable trying to keep a table for 4 to herself and her husband in a busy cafe and woman 2 was rude for kicking off.

Having said that, when I was in woman 2's position (at a park where there was no choice of eating areas and too cold for a picnic) I did get a member of staff to help. They opened a whole new room for us.

Well firstly I'd noticed the woman sat on her own but not taken any notice at the same time if that makes sense. I estimated it was about 5 minutes but could have been slightly longer or slightly less. Woman 1 pointed over at her husband, a man stood on his own in the queue hence why it was obvious who it was. If you've been in a busy high street cafe at lunchtime during school holidays then you know the queues can get long.

My elderly mother will save a table while my dad gets the food. She can't stand for long and my dad wouldn't be able to hold a tray and wander around for ages.

Tbf, my mum would happily share a table though

We always have to get a table first because ds can only cope with sitting in certain seats and so wouldn't move for someone in front of us in the queue. We don't eat in busy places unless we absolutely had to so it has never caused a problem.

I've shared a table before but my mother was unamused to say the least She's at an age where she talks loudly about people that makes me cringe and you'd think Donald Trump had sat down next to us by the look on her face

Why would anyone queue for food for 15 minutes not knowing if they had a seat though? I certainly wouldn’t want to do that!

I don't think Woman 2 was wanting Woman 1 to actually give up the table, just not object if she and her children sat on the empty seats.

Fine to save a whole table for one or two people if the place is half empty, but if people are standing around with food and no empty tables, surely you do the sensible thing and just sit where there is a seat even if someone is occupying another seat at the same table!

This has shocked me. I thought I was in the majority who think it's incredibly rude to go and sit at a table when there's people ahead in the queue who would then not have a table free. Seems that's the minority. I understand some people can't stand in a queue, then it's fine, but I hate it when people take the last spare table from the back of the queue. As OP said, there's usually more spare by the time they are served. I'm often on my own, or first there and ordering for friends too, how should I save a table? If nobody did this there would usually be enough tables, but when people sit for ages before being served it creates a problem. I'm thinking chain cafes here, where turnover of customers is usually reasonably frequent, not 3 course meals.

Woman 2 seems a bit aggressive to me.

Ratherberiding you're right, woman 2 may have just asked woman 1 if the seats were spare and could she sit there? She had obviously asked her something before raised voices occurred based on the responses. 2 of the seats were spare and she could have offered them up and to get a chair for the end but didn't, the couple behind did though.

Woman 1 should have got up or offered to share.

All that will happen now is that in future Woman 2 will perpetuate the behaviour if Woman 1.

Disclosure: I’m the grumpy cunt that would have stuck the kids and me in the empty chairs and see how she reacted to that scenario.

There usually isn't room for everyone to stand in the queue when it is busy.

I make sure I have somewhere to sit before getting food and drinks, so I'm with woman 1!

When you enter a self serve restaurant or cafe you should always get a table first and then get in line. It makes no sense to do it the other way around unless there is plenty of space. Most people want to take of there coats, put down their bags, and then go get food and drinks. Plus whats the point of having multiple people from the same party stand in line? If there not paying why make the line longer?

This weekend my DH and I walked into a busy cafe, we could see no empty seats and a long line. I doubt that all those people where standing there for a take away. We just left to go find another cafe, why rist standing there with a hot drink and food and no place to sit. That would make no sense to me.

The mother should have asked if she could share the table until another one comes available. Seeing that the woman had taken a table for 4 she should have said yes to this request.

I'm with woman 1, I always make sure there is somewhere to sit before getting food otherwise you end up wondering around with nowhere to sit and eat. If I can't find a table when I go in then I will leave

Woman 2 did look harassed tbh. I remember what it's like to have 2 kids that age and it's exhausting, especially in the holidays on your own (as in dh at work or as a single mum.)

People saying woman 1 might have had disabilities well woman 2 might have had a child with disabilities too that aren't instantly visible. My friends son with Autism could not be left at a table unsupervised for instance. It's 6 of one and half dozen of the other.

*wandering