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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who was unreasonable in this cafe?

370 replies

PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 15:23

I was having a coffee earlier in a busy high street cafe and witnessed a couple of women having an argument.

It was very busy in there today and I looked up when I heard raised voices. Woman 1 was sat down at a table for 4 on her own with no food or drink. Woman 2 was stood there holding a tray with food and drink on with her two smallish children (I'd say around 4/5/6 years old.)

She had obviously asked woman 1 if she could have the table as she didn't have her food/drink but was obviously told no. That's when woman 2 started raising her voice saying she shouldn't be saving tables when the cafe is so busy whilst people with their food then have nowhere to sit.

Woman 1 argued loudly "well you should have made sure you had somewhere to sit before getting your food " to which the other woman shouted "well I can't leave my kids at a table and get food!" Woman one then told her that her dh would be here in a minute and at that moment another couple offered woman 2 the other half of their table of 4 so she sat with them and pulled up a chair to sit on the end and she made comments about "selfish people."

Meanwhile woman 1 sat defiantly for 10 minutes looking out the window until her husband had been served at the counter and came with their drinks and sandwiches. When he arrived at their table a few other tables were becoming free.

Now I know it is sense sometimes to make sure you have somewhere to sit when at a cafe where you have to take a tray and help yourself to sandwiches etc and get your hot drinks and food orders at the counter. But surely when it's busy and there are several people in front of your partner at the counter then it becomes a bit selfish, especially if you sit watching people walk around with no where to sit to eat their food. Not everyone can leave someone to reserve a table such as children for instance.

Surely by the time someone has been served other tables become free like in this case. It was so awkward watching this woman be so defiant at giving up the table for someone who had food already purchased with 2 kids in tow and rather her sit crammed up with a couple of people she didn't know, especially when her husband was quite far off being served. If it's not that busy then I don't really see an issue but it was busy and the staff were rushed off their feet.

I think woman 1 was massively unreasonable!

OP posts:
Pinkvoid · 05/04/2018 17:57

I would’ve been woman 1 in the situation, I think it’s sensible tbh. What is the point buying food when there’s a chance there’ll be nowhere to sit with it? I have saved a table before and honestly see no issue with it, it’s logical.

GreenTulips · 05/04/2018 17:58

If there was a need for woman 1 to be sitting Shen she should have politely explained

She did explain - the table was taken and she was waiting for her order!

If she was disabled then it's nobodies business hit her own! Maybe she shouldn't wear a cap in public? (If under this is the case)

WE DO get it OP - we understand what you are saying - BUT you are expection everyone to to a time and motion study of the situation when all you really want is a drink and a sit down -

Woman 2 was probably rude

Woman 1 dis not have to move - she had the table first

Bluntness100 · 05/04/2018 18:03

Hindsight is a beautiful thing isn't it op?

Oh to know it would take ten mins to get served, oh to know that tables would come free. But sadly she didn't know that and she was faced with potentially having no where to sit, if everyone in the queue ahead of her husband got seated and none came up.

There were other free seats, the only seats available were not at women ones table. There were other choices. Women two shouting at her when getting a no is really unacceptable.

It wasn't selfish because there were other seats available for women two to use. It would ha e been selfish if there were not. As such, the only unreasonable person was women two for shouting at woman one and not simply going to the other free seats at one of the other taken tables.

Are you woman 2?

Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 18:05

To be fair woman 2 looked harassed and like she was going to cry. I remember when mine where that age and I probably would have just wanted the kids fed and happy. Woman 1 looked stern and stubborn (frowning at the window for 10 minutes.) Clearly not her first encounter at hogging tables when the cafe is very busy with people looking for tables with tray in hand.

OP posts:
Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 18:08

I heard woman one raising her voice first to be honest telling woman 2 she should have reserved seats first.

OP posts:
ScipioAfricanus · 05/04/2018 18:09

Woman 1 was in an advantageous situation because she could come and sit at the table while her husband was getting food. Woman 2 I have sympathy with but hard luck - no table was available for her. Why should woman 1 have potentially to give up her table so woman 2 could have an easier time?

I think I’d probably have shared my table in woman 1’s position if woman 2 had asked. I would probably have offered even if she was hovering. If she’d asked me to give her table just because she had two children and I didn’t I’d have sat there defiantly too.

melonscoffer · 05/04/2018 18:10

Maybe women two chooses not to be near children?

ScipioAfricanus · 05/04/2018 18:10

I mean ‘if she’d asked me to give her my table’. It’s one thing to share, another to requisition it.

Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 18:12

I'm guessing that all those who are saying someone shouldn't give up their table for someone who didn't bother to reserve one, despite maybe not being able to, also don't give up their seat on a bus for someone more "in need at at that moment " because they weren't there first? 🙄

OP posts:
ScipioAfricanus · 05/04/2018 18:15

You are taking it very personally, OP. Person on bus who has physical need to sit for journey does not equal mother who has to wait a few minutes to sit down for lunch with her children.

TheUbercornMum · 05/04/2018 18:18

Woman 1 should have offered to share if she had space but she wasn't BU sitting down whilst her husband was getting food. I do this as I've been caught out before, but I'd always offer to share my table if it's obviously rammed and there was space as that's just general kindness to others imo.

MrMeSeeks · 05/04/2018 18:18

How do you know that other woman wasnt in need op?
I don't reveal my disabilities to the general public Hmm

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 05/04/2018 18:19

I still think it’s wrong to bag a table when there are others in the queue ahead of you. A person on their own can’t reserve a table. If I’m with. Y autistic son I can’t reserve a table (not least because autistic children are very rigid about “rules” and it would be against his moral and social code). A family who won’t know what they each want until they get to the cabinet with the food to choose from can’t reserve a table.

If you want to reserve a table go to somewhere with table service. Annoys me nearly as much as single people who grab a table for four so that their bags have seats leaving the tables for two for the larger groups to squeeze onto.

Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 18:22

It's just basic human behaviour.

Couple in cafe can't stand to be without a seat so hog one when not needed yet.

Couple in bus/train queue cannot stand to be without seat so hog one first.

Someone "more in need " of seat comes along whether because it means they can eat their food hot or because them or their children had disabilities need to sit down, person who "got there first" will hog the seat on the attitude that "they got there first" despite someone's minor (I have hot food served before you) to more major (I/my have disabilities) reasons.

People can be very much pull the ladder up jack and sod everyone else..

OP posts:
Bluelady · 05/04/2018 18:26

I used to be woman 1's accomplice. My elderly mum, who couldn't stand for more than a couple of minutes, sat at the table and I fetched the drinks. Mum would always have offered to share.

My husband reckons saving tables is bloody rude and will have no truck with it. He will ask people who have obviously finished to move though.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/04/2018 18:28

Spikeyball
I wouldn't go somewhere busy when I am on my own with ds.

So what happens if we're out all day and everywhere is busy? I should just not eat nor feed toddler? If EVERYONE was considerate these issues wouldn't happen.

Woman 1 asks politely if there's spare seats for them to join her. Woman 2 says DH is in queue and will be here in a second but they're welcome to join them. Friendly ladies at other table offer spare chair. Woman 1 or 2 grabs it. They all sit at table. Woman 1.

If every single person entering a cafe waited in line at the queue the queue in many places would be out the door. Our local starbucks is very narrow. If I queued with DH and our imaginary 3 kids and then the group of teenagers queued all together and then the two moms with buggies all queued you would divide the ahop in two and make it impassable

Babyplaymat · 05/04/2018 18:33

Cafes should have signs indicating what the norm is. I have been in some that say to make sure you have a table before ordering food, and some where the norm is to get food prior to securing a table.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/04/2018 18:36

I do think in the IKEA 25 minute wait example you shouldn't sit for that long. I might send someone to get a table as I was approaching the till so I'm not walking round in circles with a tray laden with hot food and drink whilst small children frollick underfoot

Noqonterf · 05/04/2018 18:44

It generally works well if people queue and then get the table, and if people move off the tables soon after finishing them. But as not everyone will do that as they want to bag the table first, then it doesn't work. Its a bit rubbish for those who can't leave little children at the table though. I remember those days well.

Spikeyball · 05/04/2018 18:45

"So what happens if we're out all day and everywhere is busy?"

We eat outside of usual eating times or take food with us/ buy takeaway food and eat outside somewhere or in the car. Eating somewhere busy when on my own with ds just isn't an option.

MrMeSeeks · 05/04/2018 18:46

Ao what exactly should people with or family disabilities do? Just not bother as they’re selfish Hmm
Still waiting to hear why the other woman can’t have disabilities....

Spikeyball · 05/04/2018 18:47

Neither is waiting in a long queue. I don't think the other people in the queue would enjoy it.

Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 18:49

Of course she can have disabilities Hmm She can also say to a table of 4 with 2 people sitting at it -do you mind if I sit here or bag this chair so I can sit down whilst my dh waits in the queue. Hmm

OP posts:
MrMeSeeks · 05/04/2018 18:50

Why should she? She already had a table.

Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 18:55

Because surely it's kinder to take a vacant seat from a table which has spare whilst you wait for your husband in a long queue then hog a table for 4 preventing people who have been served from sitting to eat their food Hmm

OP posts:
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