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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who was unreasonable in this cafe?

370 replies

PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 15:23

I was having a coffee earlier in a busy high street cafe and witnessed a couple of women having an argument.

It was very busy in there today and I looked up when I heard raised voices. Woman 1 was sat down at a table for 4 on her own with no food or drink. Woman 2 was stood there holding a tray with food and drink on with her two smallish children (I'd say around 4/5/6 years old.)

She had obviously asked woman 1 if she could have the table as she didn't have her food/drink but was obviously told no. That's when woman 2 started raising her voice saying she shouldn't be saving tables when the cafe is so busy whilst people with their food then have nowhere to sit.

Woman 1 argued loudly "well you should have made sure you had somewhere to sit before getting your food " to which the other woman shouted "well I can't leave my kids at a table and get food!" Woman one then told her that her dh would be here in a minute and at that moment another couple offered woman 2 the other half of their table of 4 so she sat with them and pulled up a chair to sit on the end and she made comments about "selfish people."

Meanwhile woman 1 sat defiantly for 10 minutes looking out the window until her husband had been served at the counter and came with their drinks and sandwiches. When he arrived at their table a few other tables were becoming free.

Now I know it is sense sometimes to make sure you have somewhere to sit when at a cafe where you have to take a tray and help yourself to sandwiches etc and get your hot drinks and food orders at the counter. But surely when it's busy and there are several people in front of your partner at the counter then it becomes a bit selfish, especially if you sit watching people walk around with no where to sit to eat their food. Not everyone can leave someone to reserve a table such as children for instance.

Surely by the time someone has been served other tables become free like in this case. It was so awkward watching this woman be so defiant at giving up the table for someone who had food already purchased with 2 kids in tow and rather her sit crammed up with a couple of people she didn't know, especially when her husband was quite far off being served. If it's not that busy then I don't really see an issue but it was busy and the staff were rushed off their feet.

I think woman 1 was massively unreasonable!

OP posts:
LanaKanesTerfyVagina · 05/04/2018 17:01

Can't be arsed to RTFT cos I know how this shit goes.

All I will say is that it is a sad indication of how selfish everyone (inc on this thread) seems to be when it comes to their own situation.
Disabilities aside (and I'm sorry but sometimes people can't see you have an anxiety disorder and will talk to you....having encountered many slefish arses how am I supposed to now whether you are anxious or cheeky without asking?? I wouldn't ever be rude, but I would ask to see if there might be a solution) can people just not be nice to each other for a change??

Why is everyone so fucking selfish all the time??

If I go into a self serve cafe with my 5 yr old and it is rammed, I take my chances and queue cos it's mean to take a table when many people are in front of me who might not have anyone to save one for them.

If it's quiet.....I'll get DS to save a seat.

In woman 1s position I would have given up my seat for a woman with children.

And in 2s position I would have asked nicely and politley.

Why is everyone so incapable of reaching a resolution which isn't just for their sole benefit?

Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 17:02

Yes quick it was marks and Spencer's Grin

OP posts:
Thinkingofausername1 · 05/04/2018 17:04

This happened to us once in Greggs. Stupid bitch saw my dd going to the table and pushed past her and went and sat down. We had a tray she didn't.
Others saw this and another couple who finished made eye contact so we could sit there. I don't know what's up with people these days; but adults should know better sometimes!!!

QuickQuickSloe · 05/04/2018 17:06

I knew it! In answer to your original question; EVERYONE was unreasonable for going there in the first place.

Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 17:07

I've witnessed a lot of "pushy/shove" and selfish behaviour quite a lot recently. I think people are just generally less tolerant, more selfish and me me me a lot more nowadays. If I had been woman 1 I would have offered the spare seats. If I had been woman 2 I would have probably wanted to just sit there but actually gone off in a panic.

OP posts:
Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 17:09

We were fine Quick. There were some vacant tables when we got there just before the lunchtime rush and I don't mind their coffee BlushGrin

OP posts:
DrEustaciaBenson · 05/04/2018 17:12

Didn't Marks' cafes used to have signs asking people not to take tables before they'd been served?

People on their own are always going to be at a disadvantage, if saving seats becomes the norm.

Nanny0gg · 05/04/2018 17:13

a lot of cafes (inc M&S) tell you to get your food first.

Obviously if you're disabled it's a different matter but able bodied are told to queue first.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/04/2018 17:14

Incywincy

I would have gone off it if some bloke had plonked their arse next to my young child.

"Pervert" would have been the kindest word from my lips . . .

RiskIt4Biscuit · 05/04/2018 17:14

The second lady was being horrible by calling the first lady selfish.

Yes, the first lady should probably have given the table to the woman with the children and she should have waited for another table, but we don't know her situation - she could have a disability or could be feeling unwell, so calling her selfish is out of order.

Would a woman with 2 kids be unreasonable to hold a table while the husband was getting drinks for them all? Should they all get up for an adult who had bought a drink?

Unfortunately this is how it is in cafes where you place an order by the counter, rather than have a waiter come to the table.

cathf · 05/04/2018 17:16

I was in IKEA on Easter Monday and I nearly posted on here along similar lines.
The - double - queue for the cafe was so long that staff were giving out sweets to the waiting children!
I joined as a had a free pass to get out for as long as I wanted so was happy to kill time. I reckonef when I joined I would have at least a 25 minute wait to be served.
The whole place was rammed. I heard the woman who joined the queue directly after me send her husband to reserve a seat when one became free. He dodged several people with trays to get the table.
As IKEA is hardly fine dining, I guess two families could have used that table and left before his wife was served.
I am not one to cause trouble but i honestly did wonder if I should have said something. But what? It did seem supremely selfish to me.

dany174 · 05/04/2018 17:16

When I go to the Pub with some friends, one or two go get the first order and the rest of us go find a table. If a group of say 4 people walk into a cafe do they all have to stand in line even though just one could go and get the orders? Plenty of times I see people come in cafes take a seat and then one person takes the orders of the other people and then goes of and stands in line. There is nothing wrong with this, in fact if everyone took this approach of reserving a table first then no one would be left standing with a tray and no seat.

Self service only means that you have to go and get your own food and drink. There is no rule on what you do first, sit or order (unless the cafe has a clear policy in what they prefer).

cathf · 05/04/2018 17:19

But even in the circumstances I have described, Dany? Surely common sense and fairness should also come into play as well as entitlement?

Jaxhog · 05/04/2018 17:28

If I'd been woman 1 I would have said that I was waiting for my partner but she was welcome to the other 2 seats.
And helped her bring another chair over.

LemonScentedStickyBat · 05/04/2018 17:35

M&S cafe local to me has a policy that you get a table first when it’s busy. A member of staff will reserve the table for you with a number if you are on your own so you can go off and queue. It works well for everyone.

Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 17:35

Cath I agree, I don't think it's ever taken me more than 15/20 minutes in Ikea to eat and or drink so that table would have most likely been used twice over by the time said wife was served. In this situation, woman 2 could be sat eating as a party of 3 on a table for 4 but instead there were 5 people eating on a table for 4 and 1 person not eating/drinking on a table for 4. If the party of 1 soon to be 2 had waited then a table would have been vacant by the time their food was paid for. How are people not getting this?

If you want guaranteed seats then why not eat where there is table service? Confused

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 05/04/2018 17:38

People are getting this!

I think woman 2 decided she was more deserving and didn't like being told no! Woman one was ordering - I doubt she expected the queue to be quite so long and time consuming!

She probably thought he'd just be a few minuets.

Woman 2 may well have asked in a very rude manor - you haven't said how she asked ......

LynetteScavo · 05/04/2018 17:40

I am so with Woman 2.

I wish I had the nerve to ask selfish fuckers like Woman 2 if we could sit at the table she was hogging. If there was a need for woman 1 to be sitting Shen she should have politely explained and offered to share.

EinsteinsArousedSausagesHCB · 05/04/2018 17:41

The problem with waiting to find a table until after you've ordered in a busy cafe, is that you still won't be guaranteed a table as it depends on how quickly you'll be served and also how quickly other customers eat/drink. So it makes sense to find a table before ordering if it's really busy.

In all honesty I don't think woman 1 was wrong in finding a table but the rest is hard to say who was U.

If woman 1 noticed woman 2 was waiting for a table with food and DC, it would have been nice of her to offer the other 2 seats, also if woman 2 approached and asked if she could share the table woman 1 would be U refusing. However if woman 2 marched over and demanded that woman 1 move then I would say she was an entitled CF and would be less inclined to offer the other seats.

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 05/04/2018 17:47

You seem a bit over invested OP, you know, for someone who wasn't involved Hmm

Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 17:49

They aren't getting this though. The scenario could have been;

Woman 2 gets served and finds an empty table for her and her dc to eat at.

Woman 1 and her husband join queue (if woman 1 is unable to stand too long she could go off and find a vacant chair to sit on)

Woman/couple 1 get served and there are now vacant tables because people ahead of them have finished.

Instead;

Woman 2 queues with her 2 dc (for whatever reason they may not be able to hold a table/I might think they are older than they are)

Woman 1's husband joins queue. Woman 1 grabs a table for 4.

Woman 2 is served and had woman 1 not hogged a table then there would have been somewhere to sit.

Woman 2 asks woman 1 either "can I grab these seats if they are vacant?" ;which they were) or can I sit here as you don't have food/drink yet?

Woman 1 refuses either way so woman 1 ends up sitting with another couple.

So 1 woman with no food continues to hog table for 10/15 minutes on her own with no food/drink and woman 2 sits on a table of 4 with another couple.

Woman 1 sits there for 10 minutes until her husband appears and by that time tables are free.

It's all backwards if you ask me.

OP posts:
Joinourclub · 05/04/2018 17:51

Woman 1 wasn't to know that the queue would take 10 mins. She sat down while her husband queued, perfectly normal. She was a customer and entitled to a seat. Woman 2 was stressed and took it out on woman 1. I understand her frustration but she was being unreasonable expecting woman 1 to move. She should have gone and hovered near somebody who was finishing up, not somebody who hadn't even started yet!

Original poster
PartyRingss · 05/04/2018 17:53

This whole scenario has always intrigued me tbh rather than this particular scenario in itself. It's human behaviour and I'm fascinated how selfish people can be. Not just in this scenario but in all sorts of areas in life.

OP posts:
MoistCantaloupe · 05/04/2018 17:55

I swear we have this chat every few months. No one agrees. Do what you want

dany174 · 05/04/2018 17:56

Yes, your right cathf, - My post wasn't really a reply to yours. Your situation is a very rare occasion I think. Usually a self serve has not a 25 min wait and there is no real alternative choice of restaurant in a Ikea store. I mentioned in a previous post that the woman should at least have let the mother sit with her as she had reserved a table for 4 for 2 people.

However, thinking about it, in your Ikea case I would still be fine with people saving seats though, as long as they are also ready to share their table with others. There are many reasons why people might not want to stand in a long que and instead go and find a seat (as someone who once fainted whilst standing in a que and hitting my head on a metal bar I might have bit more sympathy for this that the average person). It also makes the que longer, slower and messier if everyone stays in line before seating.

In general I have never had a problem when asking to join a table and have always allowed people to join if there was space.

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