To think that the NR parent should have the DC’s the lion’s share of the school holidays?

[Lactofreechummy]

Myself and ex have 2 DC’s aged 8&6. I’m the resident parent. I have both DC’s through the week and then he has them every weekend (Friday night through to Sunday night).

I always felt that during the holidays he should have them for the lions share seeing as though he doesn’t get to see them through the week.

Our DC’s broke up a week gone Friday. He picked them up on Friday night and dropped them back yesterday. I asked if he wanted them back this week and I just got a flat ‘no.’

I’ve got work commitments next week and now I’m stuck for childcare. We never have an arrangement prior per se, we work on the idea that he has them the lions share with me having them for the last weekend and maybe a day or two in between. I asked him why he couldn’t have them and he said that he too has work commitments and that because he was at work last week too he had to ask his girlfriend (with whom he has a 2 YO) to look after them most of the time and that it’s not fair to expect her to do it again next week. Well surely she should’ve thought about that before she got with a man who had children?? I do EVERYTHING for them through the week, washing, cooking, cleaning, bathing, dropping them here there and everywhere etc.

Well £80 a week plus child benefit (is that about £35 a week?) and he feeds and entertains them for 2 full days a week?

So when do you get see them & do nice things with them. A 50/50 split would be the fairest option. I feel sorry for the kids I hope they don't realise you are both trying to get out of spending time with them.

Op you should count yourself lucky, my ex barely sees our dcs for two hours a week and the weekend is a no go as that's usually reserved for his gf or his friends.
He also pays less than £100pm for maintenance and that's only if he feels like it.

It's unfair I know, atm I feel as though I'm on the verge of a breakdown, however I know I must sort out childcare and my own work schedule weeks In advance because I cannot rely on him.
I also know that out of the 20 something days they will be off school he will only see them once and that's only because they are going to their gm while I'm at work and he lives with her.

No I don’t work weekends. What does CF stand for?

When we first split up I contacted CMS and they contacted him. We set up our own agreement as he didn’t think it seemed like enough. It’s always been £40 per child per week. He recently inherited full ownership of a business but the maintenance has stayed out.

Wow, you sound incredibly ungrateful when you are SO lucky.

My ExH hasn't seen DS for nearly seven years. He won't pay a penny and CSA can't help as he's self employed.

You get £80 a WEEK?!

CF = Cheeky Fucker.

Ohhh charming!

Money is all relative to an individuals circumstances I know - do you do the yearly review?

Yes but that’s for 2 children.

Yeah we review it but until recently his salary hasn’t changed.

You say you have work commitments but the Easter holidays is never a surprise. The dates are put out well ahead of time. A year infact. Yabu. This is equally your fault. Both parents should have discussed and arranged this ages ago.

I think it’s a bit sad that it’s considered “lucky” that a guy pays his way, and that some NR parents get away with paying nothing, that said you can only work with what you have here OP so you need to plan better and discuss with your ex whether he is prepared to be part of that plan?

If he chooses not to be a part of the child care plan unfortunately there is sweet FA you can do about it

Of course the financial arrangements need to be fair, and what other people get from non-RPs is irrelevant. He should be paying what he can afford.

I think the only problem here is that you didnt agree this in advance. I can't believe you would not have arranged with him in advance when he was having the kids. Whether it's the lions share or not advanced planning is needed.

I'm sorry that you're now going to struggle but I honestly don't understand when you were planning to work this week if you didn't know what days he was having them. How could work know when to expect you?

I hope you can get sorted this week and please plan in advance for future holidays. As you've said you don't need the stress and worry.

Can you work from home at all OP?

So you are child free every weekend? That sounds like you go quite well out of it actually.

People saying "you should count yourself lucky" no, it's not "lucky". Just because some men are shit and don't bother with their DC doesn't mean that the rest of us should feel grateful and lucky that our ex partners are involved. I don't feel "grateful" that my ex pays maintenance and sees his child, why the bloody hell should I? It's basic parenting, he's not doing anything special.

That being said, it's not your ex's partner's responsibility to help you with childcare. My exh cannot have our DS much in the holidays because he works shifts so it's pretty much down to me. He's having him for a week in the summer and I have 2 weeks booked off but the rest of the time I have to arrange alternatives. It's a pain but it's got to be done. I work PT so it makes more sense for me to do the bulk of holiday childcare.

If he chooses not to be a part of the child care plan unfortunately there is sweet FA you can do about it He has them every weekend and arranged for his partner to look after them last week when he was working. That is hardly him not being part of the care plan. The OP only seems to have them when they are at school, I bet he has more hours a week actually with them than she does if you take out school and sleep.

you honestly sound like you don't want your children.

You have every weekend to yourself. When does he get that?

You only have them for maybe 4hrs after school, then they're in bed.

When do you ACTUALLY spend any time with your kids?
When does he get a break if he's working all week then having 3 kids all weekend every weekend, and all the holidays too?

And £80 a week?

I get nothing, and my eldest is disabled, so i'm his carer as well as his parent, I get fuck all, and their dad has them for 2 nights a month.

You're a CF or taking the piss, I can't decide which.

I also have my dc during the week and my ex partner has them at weekends; picks them up from school on a Friday and I pick them up Sunday teatime.
We split school holidays 50/50. I had them last week he has them this week. Half term we do half the week.

Lets be honest, the reason you want him to have them more is because it's the school holidays and you need to work (rightfully so) and you therefore need childcare.
But it sounds like he also works, so it's a bit selfish to expect him to have the responsibility of the holidays and the childcare issue it poses.
As for his partner, if she offers, great, but you shouldn't expect her to have your children.
I think for the future it would be better if you made an actual plan.