To think that the NR parent should have the DC’s the lion’s share of the school holidays?

[Lactofreechummy]

Myself and ex have 2 DC’s aged 8&6. I’m the resident parent. I have both DC’s through the week and then he has them every weekend (Friday night through to Sunday night).

I always felt that during the holidays he should have them for the lions share seeing as though he doesn’t get to see them through the week.

Our DC’s broke up a week gone Friday. He picked them up on Friday night and dropped them back yesterday. I asked if he wanted them back this week and I just got a flat ‘no.’

I’ve got work commitments next week and now I’m stuck for childcare. We never have an arrangement prior per se, we work on the idea that he has them the lions share with me having them for the last weekend and maybe a day or two in between. I asked him why he couldn’t have them and he said that he too has work commitments and that because he was at work last week too he had to ask his girlfriend (with whom he has a 2 YO) to look after them most of the time and that it’s not fair to expect her to do it again next week. Well surely she should’ve thought about that before she got with a man who had children?? I do EVERYTHING for them through the week, washing, cooking, cleaning, bathing, dropping them here there and everywhere etc.

but she knows the score, she has to look after them whilst their dad is at work

But that isn't the score. She has no obligation to look after them at all. She does so out of immense good will and I'm staggered she has not put her foot down before. I also can't believe you're also slagging her off for not being cheerful enough about the fact you're exploiting her hideously. What the fuck more do you want? Your ex to deliver the kids back to you on a diamond encrusted unicorn that also does the dishes?

Just because it’s not the ‘norm’ or the way everyone else does things doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

I don’t think how you do things is wrong, but I do think your belief that your ex isn’t pulling his weight or that his partner has any sort of duty to look after your kids is wrong.

I’m not a single mum although due to my OH’s working pattern I am on my own with the kids most of the time and work is also hugely important to me along with my kids so I do get the struggle and juggling

OP; AIBU?

13 pages of mumsnet; yes, you are BU

OP; you are all wrong.

I bloody love this place 😂

If they've just had a week with their dad it sounds like he's sorted his share of the childcare for the hols. I was going to suggest that responsibility for finding holiday childcare should be split equally but it looks like it is - or am I wrong?

Can't understand how just mornings , evenings be a couple of days in the holidays would be enough time with your own DCs but that's personal. My DM used to make the point that if my DF had us every weekend as he wanted she wouldn't get any time to just be with us.

Oh ffs OP. Your ex's new DP does not have to pick up the childcare because their dad is working. If that's their arrangement during his half of holiday time, it's none of your business. It's your responsibility to cough up for childcare the other half of the time.

And let me just spell it out for you one more time. You can afford childcare but you choose to overpay your mortgage over spending time with your kids

It says a lot that he told you he'd have to continue paying maintenance or you wouldn't let see DC.

Whenever I see posts like this, I just feel sad for the children. Parenthood shouldn't be a pedantically driven split of responsibility over who has when. I worked f/t with my eldest, and arranged holiday care & clubs and tried to coordinate the pick ups and drop offs with my ex-h around that. Flexibility is hugely important. Yes it's a joint responsibility, but taking umbrage at the fact that one is seemingly not 'taking their half', is just petty and potentially, very damaging. One of you has to step up and be the responsible parent, not assume what the other should or should not be doing.

Why don’t you swap the system OP? You have them every weekend and your ex has them sun-thurs? You could put it to the kids and your ex.

cheeky&freeky
Add to that - and OP pays EXH maintenance.

OP. You are deluded.
I can see that you are withering with bitterness toward your X and his new partner but he is doing his share regarding the children (and the rest).

Stop complaining, stop stalking your X's partner on FB and listen to what people have said on here! YABFU.

OP why on earth are your friends sending you screenshots of her fb? That's nuts and you're going to drive yourself mad if you keep going down that route! Let it go and move on. She has a responsibility to be nice to your DC. She does not have a responsibility of become your default primary carer.

God your poor poor children, thank goodness they have a good father as you really seem like you don't give a shit about them and they're just one big inconvenience!

Maybe they should just go live with their dad and step mum full time as see if that suits you better.

Let's hope as well as being on FB your ex's partner is on here and is seeing everyone say he doesn't need to pay maintenance as he has the majority of care/residence