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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not help my parents?

263 replies

FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 17:35

My parents have decided to go to Scotland for the week, leaving their two cats at home with no cat sitter organised. They came round for lunch today and asked if I would mind popping into feed the cats at least once this week. Baring in mind they are leaving tomorrow, and have only just sprung this on me today.

Ordinarily this would be absolutely fine but as my daughter is away with her dad for the week, I have organised work every day. They also live at least a 2 and a half hour round trip away from me (and thats excluding any traffic times!)

I explained that I would try my very best to go down there at least once and I would let them know as soon as possible if I could rearrange work. I also explained that it would have been better if they could have let me know sooner as springing it on me the day before doesn't give me enough time to re-arrange and sort things. I am self-employed so my work relies on me being reliable and keeping booked appointments.

It ended up in a massive row and with them leaving my house as my mum couldn't accept this and said I should just 'agree to go' as they do so much for me, and they would remember this next time I asked for a favour etc.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that it's wrong to just ask someone to change work commitments and plans the day before you are due to go somewhere?!

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 02/04/2018 17:37

No you are not being unreasonable especially since they don't live nearby.

cafenoirbiscuit · 02/04/2018 17:38

Blimey. YANBU.

Moonflower12 · 02/04/2018 17:38

I think it is wrong of them! YANBU
If they lived 'just down the road'- fine but 2.5 hours away by the time you are home, if you're lucky- not fine!

icelollycraving · 02/04/2018 17:39

Well someone looking in on cats once in a week sounds pretty shit tbh.
Do they do a lot for you? If not, no. If they do, then try your best to go.
Who else is looking in on them? No clean water, fresh food? Shock

Oldbutstillgotit · 02/04/2018 17:39

Who is feeding them the other 6 days ?

lougle · 02/04/2018 17:39

It's not popping in, is it? It's driving 75 minutes to put some food down and driving home again. They'd be cheaper off buying an automatic cat feeder. But really, they need a cat sitter who is local.

Crispbutty · 02/04/2018 17:40

That’s unfair on you, and unfair on the poor cats too. Why on Earth not organise a neighbour to pop in daily and change their water/feed them?

Are they house cats or do they have a cat flap?

ilovesooty · 02/04/2018 17:40

They are being ridiculously unreasonable and irresponsible.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 02/04/2018 17:40

I started reading this thinking they're prob living nearby and you're def being unreasonable. But 2.5 hr round trip is really out of order when they've told you the day before

HolyMountain · 02/04/2018 17:41

they would remember this next time I asked for a favour etc

Never ask them for a favour after this.

Very selfish of them to get the hump with you due to their own ineptitude regarding a cat sitter.

prideofaberdeen · 02/04/2018 17:41

2.5hr round trip?! That's just crazy!!! Yanbu at all. Your parents are ridiculous. Do they have form for this type of behaviour?

M00nUnit · 02/04/2018 17:42

Of course YANBU - they're completely unreasonable to ask you. Especially as you live miles away! They should have paid for a cat sitter/cattery or asked a neighbour to do it.

Original poster
FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 17:42

They have bought an automatic cat feeder but the issue is that they have two cats with one being a very large male. The timed food wouldn't last a week therefore they need someone to go in half way through to feed them.

They're also keeping the cats outside the entire time which I think is cruel, but a separate issue.

They do a lot for me admittedly, and a lot revolves around the childcare for my daughter when I have work organised.

As I said, had they asked me in advance - even a week ago - I could have organised work around going down to look after the cats for a day. But asking me the day before will make it very difficult for me to rearrange work without looking unreliable.

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 02/04/2018 17:43

This is unreasonable. Haven't they got a neighbour or something. Feeding the cats once in a week is dreadful and cruel and I am not an animal lover by any means.

Pennywhistle · 02/04/2018 17:43

You aren’t being unreasonable at all. That level of commitment at such a distance is unreasonable at short notice.

Out of interest, how much do they do for you? Could you manage if they stopped?

Original poster
FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 17:44

It's a 60 mile round trip. So not local. It would be about 3 hours in total (minimum) with driving, going in to feed cats and driving back.

OP posts:
Flomy · 02/04/2018 17:44

In the nicest possible way, I think you should have said a big NO, instead of saying

"I explained that I would try my very best to go down there at least once and I would let them know as soon as possible if I could rearrange work. I also explained that it would have been better if they could have let me know sooner as springing it on me the day before doesn't give me enough time to re-arrange and sort things"

They are counting on you to rearrange things I reckon and are pissed off because it wasn't a yes straight away.

YANBU.

Tiredmum100 · 02/04/2018 17:44

My cats are fed wet food twice to three times a day, dry food avaliable all time time, fresh water every day. And they want you to call once in a week? I'd be reporting them to the rspca.

edwinbear · 02/04/2018 17:46

They are locking the cats outside for a week?? Can you look after the cats at your house?

Fruitcorner123 · 02/04/2018 17:47

If they do a lot for you with childcare could you offer to pay for a cattery? You would the know the cats arent outside all the time.

Original poster
FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 17:48

They do a lot for me in regards to childcare, so I think they do expect me just to drop everything to help them in return. I am very appreciative of what they do to help me, but it's unreasonable to ask me the day before when they know I have organised work etc. for the week ahead.

Unfortunately I cannot have the cats here as my landlord has a strict no pets policy.

My mum has been known to be very awkward.

OP posts:
KC225 · 02/04/2018 17:49

The poor cats. That is an awful way to treat animals. Your parents are completely irresponsible. What about adverse weather conditions or the feeder gets stuck or broken. If I knew who they were, I would report them for neglect.

Original poster
FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 17:50

I have suggested the cattery (I didn't offer to pay) and the neighbours idea but they've said its too short notice to find one now, especially during the Easter holidays.

OP posts:
orangesmartieseggs · 02/04/2018 17:52

You can't just leave cats for a week with no fresh food and water! Even if they have an automatic timer, they're only designed to be used overnight or for a couple of nights at a push. Plus the cats will need fresh water.

What your parents are proposing is animal cruelty. When we go abroad, SIL comes in twice a day to feed the cats, check their litter trays, give them fresh water and to play with them. They get treats/tuna occasionally too - I think they enjoy it more than when we're home sometimes!

apostropheuse · 02/04/2018 17:53

YANBU, but your parents are being unreasonable - and very neglectful.

The cats need fresh food and water, clean bowls and access to a warm shelter daily! athey alao need someone responsible there in case they become ill or have an accident.

Your parents are downright cruel.