To not help my parents?

[FloralSpring]

My parents have decided to go to Scotland for the week, leaving their two cats at home with no cat sitter organised. They came round for lunch today and asked if I would mind popping into feed the cats at least once this week. Baring in mind they are leaving tomorrow, and have only just sprung this on me today.

Ordinarily this would be absolutely fine but as my daughter is away with her dad for the week, I have organised work every day. They also live at least a 2 and a half hour round trip away from me (and thats excluding any traffic times!)

I explained that I would try my very best to go down there at least once and I would let them know as soon as possible if I could rearrange work. I also explained that it would have been better if they could have let me know sooner as springing it on me the day before doesn't give me enough time to re-arrange and sort things. I am self-employed so my work relies on me being reliable and keeping booked appointments.

It ended up in a massive row and with them leaving my house as my mum couldn't accept this and said I should just 'agree to go' as they do so much for me, and they would remember this next time I asked for a favour etc.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that it's wrong to just ask someone to change work commitments and plans the day before you are due to go somewhere?!

Are you working 8-late e etc Day next week?

I’m a bit in the fence - yes, late notice is shit but if you knew they were going away sometime soon, and you go every weekend, and your DD is away this week, I think it might have occurred to you that they’re fitting in their holiday with when you don’t need them for childcare, so perhaps you should have paid more attention?

Sounds also as if your brother usually does it, or a neighbour, but unfortunately both are unavailable.

I’m sure they know it’s nit ideal fur the cats.

Have them at your with litter trays - they’ll be fine. Ask your parents to lock them in not out, and you go tomorrow evening or as soon as possible to fetch them. Or ask them to drop them to you tomorrow.

OK, you are happy to stay too on Friday night and Saturday night, but still, every single weekend is booked up with your DD. They can't have friends over or do stuff on Friday night, they have to hold every single saturday for your DD. The drive doesn't bother you then....

It's shit they didn't give you more notice, but do it. They go massively out of their way for you. And you don't have your DD so it's only you that has to put up with this.

Think carefully if you want to take a stand, call and say of course you'll do it. Day time childcare on a weekend is very very expensive.

Are you working 8-late e etc Day next week

Are you working 8-late every day next week?

One favour when they 've done so much to is not a big ask so I'll plump for yabu. However, some more notice would have been better.

For perspective, if I was to drive to their house after work I would not be getting back to my home until 11pm at the earliest.

Inconvenient, but only to you. Just do it early in the week and have the cats at yours. Then you’ll not need to worry about it. I wouldn’t worry about the landlord for a week - unless they live with you!

From your OP I was all set to say YANBU - however, now it's clear how much they do for you YABU. Yes, they could've been more organised, but you need to bail them out this time (and ask them to give more notice in future).

They run the risk of the cats a) giving them up as lost and attempting to ingratiate themselves into a new family or b) yowling loudly enough to piss off the neighbours. Mind you, leaving cats alone in a house for a week will stress them out too...

If you can bring the cats to yours, I’d do that. Your landlord won’t know for 5 days.

But if they are outdoor cats, getting them into a cat carrier may be easier said than done! You’ll need to be super-careful they don’t get out of your flat (because they will be trying to, in a strange environment) - shut them in a bedroom when you open the front door.

I am working from 8am - 8.30pm all next week. Clients come to my home so I have an hour here or there for lunch and breaks etc. not enough time to do the trip though. So I would have to drive down and back after my last client.

Every weekend isn't booked up with my DD, I work pro-rata so not during the holidays. Also - of course they can have friends over and go out... the only commitment they have is during the day time on Saturday. They quite frequently go out on both Friday and Saturday evening with their friends.

As I said, I am extremely grateful of the help that I do get in regards to childcare. I cannot stress that enough. And had I been asked with more notice I would have of course organised my work around helping them out. My post was more to ask for advice in this situation as well as whether or not my parents reaction was reasonable, which I don't believe it to be.

I haven't even said that it's a flat out no. I have told them I will try my best to re-arrange work and organise my week around taking a trip to their house to feed their cats. But that wasn't good enough, in their view I'm expected to just flat out agree to do it or be subtly threatened with the withdrawal of any form of help from them.

If your child is away all week, would it work if you just stayed at their house?

Oh nevermind then

And what a PP says is right - it'll be inconvenient to you and mean you're a bit tired but think of how inconvenient it is to your parents to have you and your DD up stay EVERY weekend. Obviously they're happy to do it but equally you should be happy to put yourself out a bit for them as clearly you'd be lost without them.

I have to say this first - I feel so bad for the poor cats!

Okay, back to situation. OP regardless of what they do for you, no one can ask for this amount of travel at no notice.

Also, I'm wondering what they actually do for you? It sounds like they get to see their daughter and granddaughter once a week, which they might want to do anyway, without having to do even ten mins of travel. So frankly I'm not sure that counts.

Can you not just pay for someone to come in to theirs? Honestly - it won't be more than a tenner a day, would save you the trip etc. Cats stay in their own home. It seems a reasonable compromise to me.

where are the cats op? perhaps a mumsnetter locally can pop round? I would if they are near me

So glad I spent thousands on childcare. Not beholden to anyone. I would be fearful for just how much 'payback' they'll expect as they get older and less mobile.

OVienna - They won't have strangers come into their house as they are paranoid about being robbed etc. Even when they organise for the neighbour to come over and feed the cats they lock every door except the kitchen and garden.

Does your brother live nearer than you do? Could you offer to pay his taxi fare to do it?

Blimey - that is hard work then OP.

GeorgeTheHippo - My brother lives about 5 minutes from me so a taxi would be a lot of money. Probably easily £100 there and back. He also works full time so it would be difficult for him to get the train there (we live rurally so transport links aren't great, would take even longer than driving for him to get there and back).

I think they were being unreasonable to expect you to, and certainly to get uppity about it. It's crazy not to organise this sort of thing in advance - if they had you probably could have worked it out. If it's only a case of someone popping in once or twice couldn't they ask a neighbour to do it?

I'm a bit confused, you say you work term time only & from home - but kids are off school & you go stay there at weekends? Anyhow, do you know why the neighbour can't do it? Could you contact the neighbour yourself?

I don't like cats at all, I'd still report them. Cruel bastards shouldn't be allowed to own any pets!

Sorry to clarify - I work pro-rata so don't rely on my parents for childcare during the holidays. When my ex has our DD during the holidays (usually for a week at a time) I will cram as much work as I can into that week so I don't have to work for the rest of the holidays. I hope that makes sense?

I don't have any links with the neighbour. From what my parents said earlier, I don't believe they have even asked the neighbour. My mum was saying she didn't want to ask and was waiting for my dad to do it. In any case, it's probably too short notice seeing as they are going away tomorrow.

Also, I'm wondering what they actually do for you? It sounds like they get to see their daughter and granddaughter once a week, which they might want to do anyway, without having to do even ten mins of travel. So frankly I'm not sure that counts

I hate this attitude. Just because grandparents get pleasure from their grandchildren it doesn't mean it isn't inconvenient to give up time to look after them. They are also having house guests every weekend which means getting beds ready, buying food etc. The OP is grateful for this but there are people who genuinely believe it's the grandparents duty. It really isnt.