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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not help my parents?

263 replies

FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 17:35

My parents have decided to go to Scotland for the week, leaving their two cats at home with no cat sitter organised. They came round for lunch today and asked if I would mind popping into feed the cats at least once this week. Baring in mind they are leaving tomorrow, and have only just sprung this on me today.

Ordinarily this would be absolutely fine but as my daughter is away with her dad for the week, I have organised work every day. They also live at least a 2 and a half hour round trip away from me (and thats excluding any traffic times!)

I explained that I would try my very best to go down there at least once and I would let them know as soon as possible if I could rearrange work. I also explained that it would have been better if they could have let me know sooner as springing it on me the day before doesn't give me enough time to re-arrange and sort things. I am self-employed so my work relies on me being reliable and keeping booked appointments.

It ended up in a massive row and with them leaving my house as my mum couldn't accept this and said I should just 'agree to go' as they do so much for me, and they would remember this next time I asked for a favour etc.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that it's wrong to just ask someone to change work commitments and plans the day before you are due to go somewhere?!

OP posts:
ilovekitkats · 03/04/2018 18:57

OP. I am glad that it is sorted out.

My neighbour always feeds my cat when I go away and I feed theirs. My parents are only a few miles away, but I wouldn't expect them to drive here every day to feed the cat when the neighbour is on the doorstep.

Your parents expecting you to do that many miles to feed a cat is ridiculous. All they have to do is buy the neighbour some wine, or flowers or something to say thanks. Still way cheaper than a cattery!

WhatchaMaCalllit · 03/04/2018 18:57

I was reading this last night and while I'm pleased on your behalf OP, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that it is not up to you, your brother or the neighbours of your parents to look after these cats. It is entirely down to your parents to sort out a cattery that can be called on at short notice, or make arrangements to get to know a cat-sitter to look after them. That is the conversation you need to have with your parents when they return from holidays.

Abbylee · 03/04/2018 18:58

I have occasionally left a cat for a week, bc kennels are more trying for them depending on the cat.
I left several bowls of water and food.

They were happy and healthy and less traumatised than going to my mother's.

Cats who are unhappy make no secret of it.

Dog, never even for a day.

Tinkobell · 03/04/2018 18:58

You did do the right thing saying no. You cannot risk your much needed job and their reason for leaving was leisure, a holiday!! They need a long hard think about their cats. I adopted a feral outdoor cat who would probably die of stress in a cattery. But I pay nice people to feed him twice a day and he has access to a heated shelter with bed, food and water 24/7. The weather in this country can have freezing storms and snow....cats need shelter in these situations. I lock even my feral cat inside if I believe it is for his own good....not easy as he climbs the walls!

jayne1976 · 03/04/2018 18:59

Your tank of fuel will cost more than a car sitter! Not to mention the long term loss of earnings from you letting people down.
Also hoping the cats have some form of shelter. Any chance you can pick them up and keep them indoors at yours - drop them back just before your parents arrive home?

Tinkobell · 03/04/2018 19:09

At my place for my adopted feral cat, we have a flap (Staywell) fitted into an outhouse with heating. But if they are worried about security, a flap could be easily fitted into a garden shed with some deep cosy bedding inside. If they don't sort something like this, i fear their outdoor cats could get very ill or even be found dead somewhere which would be awful.

GreenItWas · 03/04/2018 19:09

I'm pretty sure what they plan is classed as 'abandonment' in the eyes of the law and they are exposing themselves to litigation as far as the RSPCA would be concerned. Shocking bloody behaviour. They don't deserve animals.

Scotland32 · 03/04/2018 19:24

The short notice would really annoy me too but I know my parents would do something like that for me (maybe they genuinely just forgot to ask you) so I would do everything I could to help them. If you think they wouldn’t do the same for you then YANBU to say no! Totally depends on your specific relationship I think.

Fleshmechanic · 03/04/2018 19:25

It's too short notice to ask anyone but not too short notice to ask you? My cat is like a second child and is indoor too. I always arrange for him to stay at a cattery. I can't imagine not thinking of him when we go away. To me it's like not thinking about where your child would stay if you went away without them 🙈

WingsOnMyBoots · 03/04/2018 19:25

I'm sorry OP but this appalling to treat these poor cats this way. A whole week and just wanting someone to come round ONCE? And as you say, keeping them outside the whole time IS cruel. It is heart breaking. There are so many cat lovers you really wouldn't have to go far to find someone close by who is willing to visit them twice a day and wouldn't want paying - although if you have animals you SHOULD be paying for their care when you go away or are ill if necessary. I really wouldn't be able to stand by and let this situation continue. I would have to do something.

Smudge100 · 03/04/2018 19:29

Ridiculous demand. Who asks anyone, even family, to drive all that way at such short notice? They should either have let you know well in advance or arranged something locally or put them in a cattery, Total disregard for you and the cats. YANBU!

Tinkobell · 03/04/2018 19:36

Amazon sell the flap, its a DIY or handyman job to fit. There is a whole new industry now around at home cat feeders, look on the web. Problem sorted. Works well for our moggy!

Jux · 03/04/2018 20:00

Kidnap the cats and either keep them yourself (or your brother could) or take them to a Blue Cross or RSPCA homing centre. It aounds like your parents wouldn't even notice, or would just assume they've found a better source of food. Which they will have!

The elderly one needs a check, imo, but does it have anything which makes you think it may be unwell, or is it just that it's elderly.

Those cats will love you if you take them home and let them be warm and cozy and pets them. Do it. You know you want to..... Grin

DagenhamRoundhouse · 03/04/2018 20:33

This is cruelty to the cats, poor things.

Lifeiscrazy · 03/04/2018 20:47

Just an idea- could you have the cats stay with you??they would have to bring them though!!

Motoko · 03/04/2018 21:05

Just an idea- could you have the cats stay with you??

10 pages in, this has already been suggested loads of times. It's been sorted anyway.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 03/04/2018 21:09

RTFT people.

Meli1977 · 03/04/2018 21:26

Those cats are being neglected. They should have arranged with you before hand and given you notice. You can't leave them with no food though so please go feed them.

Icanttakemuchmore · 03/04/2018 21:43

Tiredmum100 we only feed our cats twice a day, dry food in the morning and then a mixture of wet and dry food in the evening. If we put more down they won't eat it . Are your cats fat?

sashadasher · 03/04/2018 22:51

Reading your post has made me so very sad for the poor cats.This is no way to treat any pet,if they can't be arsed to look after them properly they should rehome them.
My cats pine more for us when we're on holiday than the soppy dog.I honestly don't know how they can enjoy any hol without worrying about their welfare.

GabsAlot · 03/04/2018 22:56

glad its redolved for now i really feel for the cats though especially the old one theyre not feral or strays they shouldnt be out all the time

Cornishclio · 03/04/2018 23:29

The way your parents treat their poor cats is disgraceful. My DD and son in law have 2 cats and when they are away they keep them inside and we or my son in laws parents go over twice a day, sort out their litter tray, make sure they have food and clean water and pet them a bit and give them treats. We are local though so admittedly that is not a problem.

I can see your parents have now got their neighbour to sort them out but they were being presumptuous in springing it on you last minute and then flouncing off in a huff when you were not immediately able to agree to it considering the distance and your work commitments. Hopefully it will not impact on their willingness to help you with childcare but you would think they would be happy to see you and your DD anyway.

SherbrookeFosterer · 04/04/2018 00:08

If it were dogs, I would say differently, but cats are very self sufficient.

Just leave out plenty of water and let them fend for themselves.

I am mindful of something I once read; there are 3m cats in the UK but 5m people in the UK feed a cat.

The cats will either be gone to the better feeder when your parents get back, or show a little more gratitude.

Thehappygardener · 04/04/2018 01:05

We have two cats and pay someone to come and live in the house while we are away to care for them. If she can’t come along, our neighbour goes in twice a day to feed and talk to the cats. Unkind and too cold to be out over the Easter break.

Your parents might like a rethink on how they treat their cats AND their daughter. I’ll bet your parents won’t be looking for shelter in a cold garden while they are on holiday!

BrendasUmbrella · 04/04/2018 01:54

The older cat is getting to the point where she will have accidents so they have decided she is best kept outside so that they don't have to deal with it.

Oh no Sad An elderly cat needs lots of security and love, not to be slung out in the cold.

Talk to them about possibly rehoming the cats won't you? My local branch of Cats Protection funds a few "retirement homes" for cats, lovely ladies care for them in their own homes and CP covers their costs. You could call and see if their area has anything smiliar?

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