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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not help my parents?

263 replies

FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 17:35

My parents have decided to go to Scotland for the week, leaving their two cats at home with no cat sitter organised. They came round for lunch today and asked if I would mind popping into feed the cats at least once this week. Baring in mind they are leaving tomorrow, and have only just sprung this on me today.

Ordinarily this would be absolutely fine but as my daughter is away with her dad for the week, I have organised work every day. They also live at least a 2 and a half hour round trip away from me (and thats excluding any traffic times!)

I explained that I would try my very best to go down there at least once and I would let them know as soon as possible if I could rearrange work. I also explained that it would have been better if they could have let me know sooner as springing it on me the day before doesn't give me enough time to re-arrange and sort things. I am self-employed so my work relies on me being reliable and keeping booked appointments.

It ended up in a massive row and with them leaving my house as my mum couldn't accept this and said I should just 'agree to go' as they do so much for me, and they would remember this next time I asked for a favour etc.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that it's wrong to just ask someone to change work commitments and plans the day before you are due to go somewhere?!

OP posts:
Pennywhistle · 02/04/2018 17:54

Start thinking about alternative child care. Because they are going to threaten to withdraw it and you need to be prepared with an alternative.

Undercoverbanana · 02/04/2018 17:55

What’s wrong with their friends and neighbours? Someone should be making fresh water available every day. Cheeky fuckers and animal cruelty.

ilovesooty · 02/04/2018 17:56

If you have pets to consider you just don't book holidays at short notice without their needs being met.

notapizzaeater · 02/04/2018 17:58

Wow, are the cats used to being outdoors all the time ? It's bloody cold here today.

Fruitcorner123 · 02/04/2018 17:59

Maybe (as a favour because they do so much for you ) you could ring round and find a cattery. Then you could ring them saying you've found a cattery and it costs X. If you feel you could help with the cost offer to. (I have no idea how much these things cost)

It's important that you reiterate that you need at least a week's notice to be able to help with the cats in future.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 02/04/2018 18:00

I think we're all agreed they're massively unreasonable the question is what are you going to do? Trash your professional reputation and take half a day out to go up there or no. The fact that they say it's too short notice to get a cattery or a neighbour but it's fine for you says it all.

The fact that they help you out is going to be used against you. I would find some alternative childcare asap.

Iloveacurry · 02/04/2018 18:00

Your parents are being very unreasonable. Yes they do a lot for you, but asking you the day before they go is ridiculous!

cantstopfuckingeating · 02/04/2018 18:01

Depending on how much they do for you, you may BU
My parents do a lot for me and I am so grateful for it I would literally jump to do anything for them, because they are my parents, they raised me, made sacrifices and continue to do so.
You could turn it into a fun road trip with the kids.

expatinscotland · 02/04/2018 18:01

YANBU. It's not 'popping in'.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/04/2018 18:01

How do they help with childcare when they live so far away?

Rudi44 · 02/04/2018 18:02

I am shocked they would think it acceptable to leave the cats that long. However they have put you in a really tricky situation and whilst their demand is highly unreasonable if it were me I would have to go at least once to ensue those poor cats are ok.

Original poster
FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 18:02

The cats are outdoors most of the time, especially at night as my parents don't like them being indoors as they meow in the early hours. One of the cats is getting elderly now though and will always be inside at any opportunity.

I think they just take it as a given that either myself or my brother will help them, hence not looking for catteries or asking neighbours. My brother has no car this week so its virtually impossible for him to help, hence the onus is on me.

OP posts:
Aprilmightmemynewname · 02/04/2018 18:02

Not sure I would want someone with such little empathy for their family pets to look after my dc tbh.

viques · 02/04/2018 18:06

That is awful, both to leave the cats and to leave it so late to make arrangements. I have friends who are going away in August and asked me last week to look after their cat.

orangesmartieseggs · 02/04/2018 18:06

The onus is absolutely not on you at all. Your parents' pets are their responsibility, nobody else's. We have cats and make sure we have someone who can come in and look after them before we book.

They need to find a cattery or change their vacation plans. Even if you could go down midweek, that's not enough. Cats need more care than just some dry food being chucked down occasionally!

Bluelady · 02/04/2018 18:08

They're being massively unreasonable. Do they not have neighbours?

lattewith3shotsplease · 02/04/2018 18:10

OP,
Poor you and the cats. Shock

SunnyTikka · 02/04/2018 18:12

That is terrible. Poor cats. If your DD is away I would probably go after work one day, stay overnight so I could let them in and feed them, put them out again the next day and set off early for work. I would be doing it for the cats though, not your parents.

Tistheseason17 · 02/04/2018 18:12

They knew they were going away and they should have made arrangements.

Not your problem.

If you lived within 30 mins, then fine. But, 2.5hrs round trip is taking the P.

Nice guilt trip from them, though... :(

Nanny0gg · 02/04/2018 18:13

They shouldn't have cats if that's the way they care for them.

IAmWonkoTheSane · 02/04/2018 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedSkyAtNight · 02/04/2018 18:14

I agree that at such short notice and such a distance that they are BU. However, it sounds like your parents regularly drive the same distance to provide childcare for you so in your place I think I would have bitten the bullet and driven down at least a couple of times (unless you work 16 hour days or something stupid and it really wouldn't be possible to drive down after work.

Do you ever ask them for childcare at short notice? If you do, I see their point even more!

Fundays12 · 02/04/2018 18:14

Your definitely not being unreasonable. I have already booked the chattery for my cat in July. Lame family actually live across the road and work nearby but I would never as them to come in to feed the cat. He is my cat so I arrange care. Feeding cats once a week is unacceptable in my mind.

OneStepSideways · 02/04/2018 18:14

They're being ridiculous! They should have given you more notice and not assumed you'd drop everything at the last minute. Why can't they arrange for someone local to feed them?

CloakandDaggerNameChange · 02/04/2018 18:17

Could your bro borrow your car and help them?