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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not help my parents?

263 replies

FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 17:35

My parents have decided to go to Scotland for the week, leaving their two cats at home with no cat sitter organised. They came round for lunch today and asked if I would mind popping into feed the cats at least once this week. Baring in mind they are leaving tomorrow, and have only just sprung this on me today.

Ordinarily this would be absolutely fine but as my daughter is away with her dad for the week, I have organised work every day. They also live at least a 2 and a half hour round trip away from me (and thats excluding any traffic times!)

I explained that I would try my very best to go down there at least once and I would let them know as soon as possible if I could rearrange work. I also explained that it would have been better if they could have let me know sooner as springing it on me the day before doesn't give me enough time to re-arrange and sort things. I am self-employed so my work relies on me being reliable and keeping booked appointments.

It ended up in a massive row and with them leaving my house as my mum couldn't accept this and said I should just 'agree to go' as they do so much for me, and they would remember this next time I asked for a favour etc.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that it's wrong to just ask someone to change work commitments and plans the day before you are due to go somewhere?!

OP posts:
TomRavenscroft · 02/04/2018 19:35

perhaps you should have paid more attention?

Why the fuck should she anticipate every move they might possibly make, when they could have just asked with reasonable notice?

lattewith3shotsplease · 02/04/2018 19:37

OP.
Ignore all the posters trying to "take you down and make you feel guilty"

Your parents should be lucky you allow them to see their GC, with their awful bullying ways.

Good luck with your Cat issue.

GabsAlot · 02/04/2018 19:39

im just worried abut the cats its cruel to lock them out all week-if they want pets they should prepare to pay out when going away

people like that really annoy me

NoSquirrels · 02/04/2018 19:42

Why the fuck should she anticipate every move they might possibly make, when they could have just asked with reasonable notice?

I just think it odd that people OP sees every week have mentioned going away on holiday, obviously when they won’t have commitments to OP and childcare, and no one mentioned the date, that’s all.

I agree the lack of notice is shit. But I wonder if the situation might have been anticipated, that’s all.

TomRavenscroft · 02/04/2018 19:44

I just think it odd that people OP sees every week have mentioned going away on holiday... and no one mentioned the date, that’s all.

'no one' here being the parents. They're the ones who will need help, they should be the ones to 'anticipate' the situation.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 02/04/2018 19:48

Just stay over. Getting up at 6am for a few mornings is really not a big deal. Just go to bed an hour earlier. Or else take the cats to your house.

diddl · 02/04/2018 19:52

" they should be the ones to 'anticipate' the situation."

Exactly!

Do they not realise that their GD is with her dad so Op arranges as much as possible?

Although in the first post, Op puts that ordinarily it would be fine??

Do you work from theirs on the Sat that they have your daughter Op?

TomRavenscroft · 02/04/2018 19:54

Lego, it'd be a long day if the OP did that! And she says clearly 'Unfortunately I cannot have the cats here as my landlord has a strict no pets policy.'

mikulkin · 02/04/2018 19:57

Sorry OP but I am with your parents on this. So one of the day next week you may have a drive at 8:30 in the evening and get back home by 11 or even midnight. SO what? You can’t do that for your parents because it isn’t short notice and you will be tired? Yeah I wouldn’t even dream questioning that. Of course they expect flat yes - they do a lot for you whether prearranged or not. You can have one difficult day to feed their cats. I can understand they didn’t feel askin in advance because it is one drive durin the whole week!

NorthernKnickers · 02/04/2018 19:57

About the landlord...in all honesty...would they actually even know if you had a 'visiting cat' for one week? Seriously? Is he/she likely to turn up to do some kind of random (illegal!!!) inspection? I've lived in my rented house for 3 years now....never even met my landlord!

RockafellerSkank · 02/04/2018 19:57

The mid-week drive once, albeit late, is doable, imo. If I was getting so much help at the weekends, I'd do this.
TABU to ask so late, and expect it, but I think you can do it - unless you will be so tired from your job that driving is unsafe.

Original poster
FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 19:59

LegoPiecesEverywhere So I stay overnight all week. Get up at 5am every morning because I would have to leave their house to drive back to mine for work at 6am. Work from 8am - 8.30am, then drive back to theirs for 10pm. Hmm

diddl Ordinarily it would be fine as I have the luxury of working from home. Therefore if they'd have asked me even a week ago I could have organised work so that I had a morning or afternoon free to make the journey. I don't work from there house on Saturday, I travel to clientele in the local area in which they live.

OP posts:
carben · 02/04/2018 20:01

If the brother lives 5 mins from OP. Can't he borrow her car after he finishes work and go and feed the cats. Sounds like OP needs to be at home for all the meetings so won't necessarily need the car herself. Plus it's Easter hols so traffic will be much lighter in general.

Tinkobell · 02/04/2018 20:02

They could postpone their holiday by a day to make proper local arrangements, couldn't they?

Emma198 · 02/04/2018 20:02

I'd go and get them and bring them to mine - unlikely landlord will find out in a week! Poor cats.

Original poster
FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 20:03

I think as others have pointed out, it is cruel to leave the cats for a week outside and have someone pop in to top up food on only one of the days during said week.

I am going to see about the feasibility of the cats coming here this week, or at least in the future. It would mean them being kept in all the time whilst they are with me but better than the alternative. Hopefully the landlord doesn't find out/they don't do damage to the upholstery.

OP posts:
Godowneasy · 02/04/2018 20:04

Godown, are you failing to comprehend the OP's posts?

@ TomRavenscroft:

No, I fully comprehend the ops posts. I acknowledged the short notice of the request, and I stand by my previous post in it's entirety.

Original poster
FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 20:06

Tinkobell Yes, they could. They are staying with family so they won't lose out of pre-paid hotel fees etc. They categorically won't do that though.

OP posts:
AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 02/04/2018 20:10

Please contact the RSPCA about those cats OP,breaks my heart to think of them locked out, especially when they do desperately want to be in.

And YANBU, at all.

diddl · 02/04/2018 20:14

But even though you work from home-it still doesn't ean that you can drive an hr+ there and back without notice?

Perhaps they thought that as it's the holidays you wouldn't be working at all, or that as they only want you to opo in once you ould rearrange stuff?

Either way, daft of the to not ask well in advance & one visit in a week-disgraceful!

Original poster
FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 20:18

diddl - They know that I cram in as much work as possible when my ex has DD. So it's not even like they could assume I'd not be working. I think they just expect me to bend my week around helping them out at the drop of a hat. Every time they ask myself or my brother for a favour and we are unable to do it they make us feel horrendous and guilty.

I have asked them if they will ask the neighbour first and foremost if they can pop in as it is much more feasible then me or my brother making the journey. Otherwise I have offered for them to bring the cats here. I will update you if/when I get a response.

OP posts:
poobumwee · 02/04/2018 20:22

YANBU they are!

SpringNowPlease2018 · 02/04/2018 20:27

@FruitCorner123 - it's not an attitude, I was just thinking about the possibility.

Given the parents have shown extreme selfishness and oddness in a) really awful treatment of pets b) asking at the last minute, I just wondered if that was a possibility.

Some parents would be overjoyed with the weekly visit, who knows? I was just trying to establish that. Also I couldn't help noticing that the OP says they reference everything they do for her, but some people will say "I do everything for you" when they've done bugger all.

OP serious chance that the cats will take the opportunity to find a better home themselves. I can imagine them mewling outside a friendly house and being taken in. Are they chipped, do you know?

I think your parents should really think about rehoming the cats, they don't even seem to like them.

diddl · 02/04/2018 20:30

Well if no flights or trains to catch there's nothing to stop them bringing the cats to you/your brother first if the neighbour can't help.

Gabilan · 02/04/2018 20:33

As an aside tbough, 3 hours to do 60 miles?! Is it all 30 roads or something?! I do a similar drive to work and it takes 2 tops.

No. 75 mins to do 60 miles. Half an hour with the cats. 75 mins back. 2.5hrs travel and 3 hours in total.

OP my parents struggled to grasp that being self employed did not mean I could do whatever I liked when I liked. When I was self employed they'd skype at random times during the day and then get huffy if I rejected a call because I was working. They really just did not get the commitment that meant.

I'd have the cats at yours for the week.