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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that £150 is a lot to spend on a handbag?

204 replies

NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 21:32

I’m really wanting to treat myself to a Michael Kors bag on ebay or in the sale, but I’m currently 28 weeks pregnant with DC2 but am out of work and being very kindly funded by my DP (despite trying to look for work for about 5 months unsuccessfully...)

My DP are usually very kind and generous and offer to buy me something v nice, up to the value of £100. Not wanting to be frivolous, I’ve seen a Michael Kors handbag that I really like on Brandalley.co.uk that I’d like which is £185 - it is a lot more than the birthday budget, but I would try and fund the rest from selling things on ebay and having some money from other family members towards it too.

My DP didn’t think much of my idea about the handbag, and would rather I didn’t spend my birthday money on something that they don’t think is a worthwhile present. I’m very grateful for everything they do and give me, and I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth if they are offering money towards a different present, but AMA bit disappointed that I can’t buy what I really want for my birthday.

I’m probably going to come across as ungrateful or spoilt saying all this, and this is the last thing I want to be. Please tell me to get a grip on and be more grateful for being offered such a generous present, and think rationally about what would be a useful gift for my birthday. AIBU in feeling a bit unsure about how I should react and what I should buy now?

OP posts:
Evie0865 · 01/04/2018 07:24

Buying a bag that price isn’t unreasonable ... unless you don’t have the money, which you don’t.

Doesn’t matter how much it costs, It’s all relative .

Just drop it and wait until you are in a better position.

HuskyMcClusky · 01/04/2018 07:27

I didn’t call anyone chavvy, so get over yourself.

You’re the one calling people ‘bitter’ and ‘sad’ for having a different opinion to you.

Alwayswonderingwhere · 01/04/2018 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iceweasel · 01/04/2018 07:41

I don't think you mentioned if you already have a handbag? If it is falling apart and you may find it hard to find the funds after the baby is born then I would buy a new one that will last a few years. Can't comment on the one you are looking at buying. Will it be suitable for the baby things though?

Bluntness100 · 01/04/2018 07:42

Op, if your husband earns a healthy wage why are your parents having to financially support your family and you're having to sell stuff on eBay to just pay the bills?

I think you need to be realistic about the chances of getting work when heavily pregnant, and then how you will work with two kids.

As such, is the handbag like your families lifestyle, too expensive for what you can both afford? I think there is maybe a bigger issue here in terms of your family being self sufficient and living within your means.

Your op was misleading, many of us assumed you were a single parent, probably a young woman, pregnant and unemployed whose parents were financing her, you talking about getting birthday money from other family members, about how it was your main birthday present added to the impression,,,,but that's not the case, you're a married woman, probably at least mid thirties, having her second planned child.

I think it sounds like your parents have been fantastic, but do you and your husband need to reasses your lifestyle to ensure you can live within your means, Is that not the bigger issue?

CoffeeOrSleep · 01/04/2018 07:46

From your parents point of view - if I have offered a budget to buy someone something, I want to buy them something, not be one of several people who bought them part of something.

I think the idea of a fancy changing bag (in budget!) is a good one - a nice one will be your handbag for the next 2 years anyway.

Or if you already have a nice change bag, maybe a small cross body bag for your purse/phone/keys while everything else is in the change bag - would you really use the MK bag regularly once the baby comes? I don't know anyone who carried a "proper" handbag and a change bag out with either of my 2dcs, although many woman had a cross body small bag as well as the change bag (so they could leave the change bag hanging on the buggy handles at baby/toddler groups without having left their purse.

gressingham · 01/04/2018 08:06

Why are your parents financially supporting your family if your DH earns a decent salary? You are effectively a SAHM, expecting a planned second child, whose household income is high enough to make you ineligible for any sort of benefits besides child benefit.

LavenderDoll · 01/04/2018 08:15

You say in the OP
That your parents are usually kind.... I think paying for you to live and a hundred pounds on a bday present is extremely generous.
If you can afford to find the extra money you should be using it as income and not taking as much off your parent's

HappyEverIftar · 01/04/2018 08:24

I don't understand the conditional giving of birthday money..? The whole point is that it is for the receiver to spend as they wish. I know the point here is that more would be needed to be spent to actually purchase the desired item, but if people don't like what you have ear-marked the cash for, what's the point in giving it to them? Even as little children we could blow what we wanted with our birthday money as it was ours to do with what we wanted Confused

Aeroflotgirl · 01/04/2018 08:43

lipstick that's what I meant, I did not mean she go for it. If she really wanted it, she has that £100, she coukd save say £10 per month, if she is able to, and sell some stuff to help fund the rest.

Masterbuilders · 01/04/2018 08:59

It’s all relative. My last bag was £700 so no I don’t think it’s a lot. If I was on maternity leave and having another baby. Then yes it would be a lot and back then I wouldn’t have spent £50 on a bag. I’d have saved any left over money.

Bluntness100 · 01/04/2018 09:11

I don't understand the conditional giving of birthday money

I think that's a bit of a red herring, it's her parents polite way of saying no, because she's basically asked them to buy her a 185 pounds handbag when they offfered her a gift to the value of 100. She doesn't have the extra 85, they aren't giving her the cash to put towards it, she's asking them to go and buy it for her and pay for it all up front.

It's like the op title, is 150 quid too much for a handbag. It's irrelevant, how much anyone else spends on a handbag, the point is she's spending some one else's money, not hers, to get it.

As they are financially supporting her family for some reason, I very much doubt they would take the 85 pounds off her, even if at some point she could get it together, it would be a pointless gesture as they are financially supporting the family anyway.

So basically it's they have said we will buy a gift of something nice up to thr value of 100 pounds and she's responded with can I have a 185 pound handbag please and they have put their foot down and said no, they are not willing to spend that on a handbag for her.

waxedlyrical · 01/04/2018 10:26

But if you buy something cheaper it won't be the thing that you really want?

I think if you don't treat yourself often it's better to spend extra and get the item you really really want.

Although I wouldn't buy a MK bag. What about Kate Spade or Coachv

MargeryFenworthy · 01/04/2018 10:32

I’ve spent thousands on bags. The difference is that I can afford to. If I couldn’t I certainly wouldn’t. It’s irresponsible.

CheekyRedhead · 01/04/2018 10:38

£150 is cheap for a designer bag however I hate MK. There are so many fakes knocking around.
Start saving and get a Marc Jacobs instead. I've got 4 and they are still like brand new. Great quality. My pride and joy is my Stella McCartney bag. Hoping for an Alexander McQueen next. I treat myself once a year on black Friday at Selfridges. 20% offGrin

kentgirl1 · 01/04/2018 10:40

I'd say buy the bag, I love my MK bag. However, since Baby was born 6 months ago, I never use it as always got the changing bag with me instead. So I think a purse is a good way forward, then you can use that every day.

Gingersstuff · 01/04/2018 11:02

To be honest every single time I see an MK bag now (and it's a LOT) I think "fake". There's soooo many of them around. Get yourself a £20 fake as it's going to be ruined by baby anyway. Save the rest as a stepping stone to not being financially dependent on your parents. It sounds like you and your DH need to have a discussion about overhauling your lifestyle so that you can live within your own means.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 01/04/2018 11:28

I work with someone who has Michael Kors bags she really rates them
Never had one myself I think they’re ubiquitous

Original poster
NooNooHead · 01/04/2018 11:54

All very interesting things to think about here.

Yes, my DH earns ‘enough’ for us not to get any other benefits apart from child benefit but as a great proportion of his earnings go on tube fares in London, other bills and general living costs, we don’t have a lot of extra at the end for general luxuries.

And when I was self employed and earning in the past 3 years, it was very part time and barely enough to cover food each month (£300 for food and £300 for other bills I may have had).

I’m aware my OP wasn’t very clear. Yes, I am married, mid-30s and effectively a SAHM, and I should have made that clearer earlier.

So yes, the general crux of the matter here is really affordability and lifestyle, and using money well / living within my means a bit more. I hope the next couple of my months before my due date will be the time to really get my head down and sort out my finances properly before the baby arrives.

Thanks again all for your input - as much as it pains me to read the truth about my money habits and financial attitude, it is good to put things in perspective.

I think spending the money wisely should be my aim now really, and sorting my finances out in general.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 01/04/2018 12:00

It's all very well having designer bags and saving up for them.. But not if you're sponging off your parents for your daily living. That's wrong.

Viviennemary · 01/04/2018 12:02

Didn't read your last post. I hope you will see sense and take financial responsibility as an adult which it looks like you're going to do.

Forevertired19 · 01/04/2018 12:47

After my granddad died, who was more like my dad than my real dad, I broke down.
I'd come into some inheritance money from my stepdads uncle. (well.. He did. My stepdad gave me a hefty amount at 16) an it lasted me a good few years.. But after my granddad died I went out and bought a Marc Jacobs bag for well over £200.. It was grief.
I'm now needing to sell it for money but doubt I'll get hardly anything..
I always go for things with value. Admittedly, I mainly charity shop now, if I do at all, I've bought nothing for myself in around 2 years because I don't see the point anymore. But I'd go for the full whack. You only live once :)

TheTroutofNoCraic · 01/04/2018 12:47

OP.... I often see a few MK bags for around £100 (usually under) in TKMAXX. Have you looked in your local branch?

Forevertired19 · 01/04/2018 12:51

Sorry OP just rtft, no. Be wise with your money if you're struggling. I thought you meant DP as in your partner.
Keep it for emergencies.

saison4 · 01/04/2018 13:01

I think £150 is a hell of a money spent in a handbag (not a popular MN view, I know) but if you are pregnant and out our work, why would you need such an expensive handbag anyways. I'd be much more careful with money in these circumstances and save it.

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