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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that £150 is a lot to spend on a handbag?

204 replies

NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 21:32

I’m really wanting to treat myself to a Michael Kors bag on ebay or in the sale, but I’m currently 28 weeks pregnant with DC2 but am out of work and being very kindly funded by my DP (despite trying to look for work for about 5 months unsuccessfully...)

My DP are usually very kind and generous and offer to buy me something v nice, up to the value of £100. Not wanting to be frivolous, I’ve seen a Michael Kors handbag that I really like on Brandalley.co.uk that I’d like which is £185 - it is a lot more than the birthday budget, but I would try and fund the rest from selling things on ebay and having some money from other family members towards it too.

My DP didn’t think much of my idea about the handbag, and would rather I didn’t spend my birthday money on something that they don’t think is a worthwhile present. I’m very grateful for everything they do and give me, and I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth if they are offering money towards a different present, but AMA bit disappointed that I can’t buy what I really want for my birthday.

I’m probably going to come across as ungrateful or spoilt saying all this, and this is the last thing I want to be. Please tell me to get a grip on and be more grateful for being offered such a generous present, and think rationally about what would be a useful gift for my birthday. AIBU in feeling a bit unsure about how I should react and what I should buy now?

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 31/03/2018 23:25

You can have a treat though

I don't think you should spend the money on the baby. It's for your birthday.

Can you really not think of a treat you'd like at about £100?

(Btw Jaimx is right michael kors is tacky and there are so many fakes about it's not worth buying. You're having a hormonal moment).

Eveforever · 31/03/2018 23:27

NooNooHead if you were my daughter I would still want to get a gift that is just for you; I would want you to feel special and have a treat for your birthday. However, your circumstances aren't great at the moment, so don't pressure yourself or your parents to find extra money for this luxury bag at this time. There is a balance to be had between getting a nice gift and spending money you don't have when you need a treat, but have important expenses to pay in the near future. Things are sure to improve and you'll get your bag in the future and you will appreciate it all the more. How about getting a MK purse for now?

Eveforever · 31/03/2018 23:29

Her parents don't sound like they're being controlling that all. They gave her a budget of £100, excuse them if they aren't happy to be asked to pay for a gift that's £185!

Original poster
NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 23:31

To be fair, after the comments on here tonight and after having time to think, I totally am looking at it in coming across as an ‘entitled way’ now - only because I realise how little others have and what difficulties people go through just to get by to eat.

I’m not going to spend more than the budget but I’m going to buy something to treat myself WITHIN the budget - and then make a concerted effort to save properly when the baby arrives.

I’m certainly very lucky and have had a very middle class background / upbringing and perhaps these debates are here to bring me back down to earth and get me to be a bit more appreciative and mature about stuff. Thanks all for the kick up the backside I probably needed!

OP posts:
Glumglowworm · 31/03/2018 23:31

Get something nice for the £100 budget and put any more you make from eBay towards sensible things like living expenses and baby stuff

kristophersmum2008 · 31/03/2018 23:32

dh earns more than the maximum required?
not entitled to benefits (u wont get jobseekers if ure married and he earns to much)u basically forfeit ure income
u could still be entitled to tax credits though (dependant on last years earnings)
i would maybe see a benefit advisor as the involuntary twitch and mental health could be assessed for esa
u might not be back to work for another 9 months at least
good luck with the baby

Original poster
NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 23:35

We’re not entitled to any tax credits or benefits at all - and my income was so little over the past few years that I wasn’t entitled to jobseekers at all, kristophersmum2008.Sad

Hopefully I will be entitled to maternity allowance though - I am still waiting to hear...

OP posts:
Original poster
NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 23:37

A MK purse might be a good compromise Glumglowworm... good suggestion...Smile

OP posts:
rockinghorse284752 · 31/03/2018 23:39

It's entirely up to you what you want to do with the money. I have got to say though in your position there is absolutely no way I would be thinking about a getting a bag. Whether £150 is a lot to spend is dependant on how much you earn.

LesLavandes · 31/03/2018 23:40

OP. Buy the bag!!! And enjoy it 😊

gamerwidow · 31/03/2018 23:41

It's all relative isn't it. I couldn't spend that much on a bag because it would mean going without elsewhere but as far as I can see you're not suggesting cutting back on stuff for your child or not paying rent or bills so I would get the present you want with your birthday money.

kristophersmum2008 · 31/03/2018 23:41

u get child benefit?

notacooldad · 31/03/2018 23:43

Whether £150 is a lot to spend on a handbag or not depends on whether you can afford it or not.
Clearly you can't therefore it's a lot to spend at the moment.

dontbesillyhenry · 31/03/2018 23:44

Exactly. I wouldn't say 185 for a bag is expensive per say but it is when you can't afford it!

Original poster
NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 23:44

I think I am feeling more and more guilty about splurging on a bag the more this thread goes on... to think I have been talking about First World Problems when there are people going through so much suffering in the world...Sad

Maybe i’ll give half the money towards the hospice my DB passed away in, and treat myself to something nice too. I think that would be the best use of the gift.

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 31/03/2018 23:44

I also don't think presents should come with strings attached. If I give someone £100 to spend on something as a gift then I don't expect to get a say in how they spend it.

SunnyCoco · 31/03/2018 23:45

Realistically will you even be using a handbag with a new baby? I was lugging a changing bag around 24/7 😂

Original poster
NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 23:45

Yes, kristophersmum2008 we do get child benefit but that is the only benefit we get currently (and are entitled to I think).

OP posts:
dontbesillyhenry · 31/03/2018 23:45

Can't you just ask for the money and use it towards the bag when you are in a better position?

kristophersmum2008 · 31/03/2018 23:47

it doesnt make sense (if he earns so much why are your parents still bailing you out)
i get that uve sold most of ure stuff keeping u afloat but if he earns that much u shouldnt have to
i earn 6500 a year hubby earns roughly 12.5 i get tax credits and wtc get it looked at again

WellAndTrulyCurbed · 31/03/2018 23:49

I've spent that and more on a handbag so I don't think that is too much too spend on a bag. That's not really the issue though.
Pregnant with another kid, unemployed and supported by my parents???? There is NO WAY I'd be asking for extra than what they already give. That is not who I am.
As a single parent, I've spend more birthday/Christmas money on my children and necessities than me over the years. Don't need to now but have happily done it when I needed to so don't really understand those so vehemently opposed to using it practically. It's a 100 less to have your hand out for.

Original poster
NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 23:49

I can dontbesillyhenry - I was thinking that might be the best solution (as well as using it towards something good/useful too).

OP posts:
Original poster
NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 23:52

Maybe I should just ask to be given a present (that I don’t get a say in the value or get to choose!) in future... 🤔😖😞

OP posts:
kristophersmum2008 · 31/03/2018 23:53

ps (dont give it to charity ull need it first ) charity starts at home x

kristophersmum2008 · 31/03/2018 23:57

just wait uve only got 6 weeks to go ure emotional (tired frustrated and probably a bit angry) that uve explained yourself to total strangers if u still want the bag after uve had the baby ?
talk to ure hubby see what he suggests he knows u best