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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that £150 is a lot to spend on a handbag?

204 replies

NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 21:32

I’m really wanting to treat myself to a Michael Kors bag on ebay or in the sale, but I’m currently 28 weeks pregnant with DC2 but am out of work and being very kindly funded by my DP (despite trying to look for work for about 5 months unsuccessfully...)

My DP are usually very kind and generous and offer to buy me something v nice, up to the value of £100. Not wanting to be frivolous, I’ve seen a Michael Kors handbag that I really like on Brandalley.co.uk that I’d like which is £185 - it is a lot more than the birthday budget, but I would try and fund the rest from selling things on ebay and having some money from other family members towards it too.

My DP didn’t think much of my idea about the handbag, and would rather I didn’t spend my birthday money on something that they don’t think is a worthwhile present. I’m very grateful for everything they do and give me, and I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth if they are offering money towards a different present, but AMA bit disappointed that I can’t buy what I really want for my birthday.

I’m probably going to come across as ungrateful or spoilt saying all this, and this is the last thing I want to be. Please tell me to get a grip on and be more grateful for being offered such a generous present, and think rationally about what would be a useful gift for my birthday. AIBU in feeling a bit unsure about how I should react and what I should buy now?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 31/03/2018 22:42

If you are out of work and money is tight and you are being funded by your parents then I think the spending is far too extravagant when you have a baby on the way.

Jaimx86 · 31/03/2018 22:43

I've seen some nice Michael Kors, but haven't bought them because they're Michael Kors. They're not an 'investment' and the number of fakes around have completely put me off this brand. Wouldn't spend money on this at all.

Raven88 · 31/03/2018 22:43

Everyone deserves a special purchase once in a while.

wurlie · 31/03/2018 22:43

so I dont understand why people are still suggesting that she buys baby things.

Because she's having a baby Confused

Most decent people in this situation with no money of their own would surely say "that's so kind mum and dad, what I would really appreciate for my birthday would be a car seat / Moses basket etc." Not a designer handbag

Bluntness100 · 31/03/2018 22:45

windchimesabotage - it’s because some people can’t grasp the fact that the op parents might actually want to treat her and not spend it on baby bits! shock

Oh I think we get that, what you're not getting is they want to treat her to the tune of 100 pounds.not 185.and she doesn't have the extra 85 to put towards it. She should stick to thr 100and buy something for that.

windchimesabotage · 31/03/2018 22:46

coco i find that hard to fathom because would anyones parents actually buy their pregnant daughter baby items for the daughters birthday?
I actually asked my mum for some bits for my baby for my birthday and she got in a massive huff saying that wasnt the point!
And tbf I would be the same about if my daughter spent birthday money I gave her on something like that.

I mean you want to buy the people you love a nice gift on their birthday not have them spend it on someone else or a food shop or something!

dontbesillyhenry · 31/03/2018 22:47

This I want it now attitude is why there is so much debt and credit in this day and age. No income yet money to wanker on designer bags? Brilliant

AgnesBrownsCat · 31/03/2018 22:49

I don’t think it’s too much for a good quality leather bag however inyour current circumstances I wouldn’t be spending almost £200 on a bag . If you have to sell something to get it you can’t currently afford it .
Accept the £100 gracefully and maybe keep it towards a present at a later date . Don’t spend the £100 on something you don’t particularly want just for the sake of it .

Coco134 · 31/03/2018 22:50

Bluntness and I’m saying IF she can find the extra £85 then she should get it, if she can’t then she can get something else with the £100 + extra money that her family gives her.

House4 · 31/03/2018 22:51

It’s completely the wrong time to buy the bag. Treat yourself once you are employed and in a better position.

Coco134 · 31/03/2018 22:52

Most decent people in this situation with no money of their own would surely say "that's so kind mum and dad, what I would really appreciate for my birthday would be a car seat / Moses basket etc." Not a designer handbag

And most parents would say, ‘no get something for yourself not the baby. It’s your birthday, not the baby’s silly... so what would you like...’

Bluntness100 · 31/03/2018 22:53

Bluntness and I’m saying IF she can find the extra £85 then she should get it, if she can’t then she can get something else with the £100 + extra money that her family gives her

And this is where we part ways, if I was pregnant unemployed, being bankrolled by my parents, if I could, and that's a big if in this scenario, find an extra 85 quid, I would spend it on something for my baby and to ease the burden on my parents. You know, self respect and personal responsibility and all that.

SD1978 · 31/03/2018 22:53

I’m a bit torn. It’s your money, you decide who it’s soent. Getting a gift with conditions at any age is ridiculous. However. Whilst it’s nice- you’ll be carrying a nappy bag and handbag combo for he next few years- personally I’d probably be looking at a nice one of them instead of a new handbag. You’ll get much more use out of it. But your money. If you want to sell something to make up the rest, your DP should keep out of it.

Duck90 · 31/03/2018 22:54

Your Dp want to buy something to give you on the day. Unless you hope they will stump up the extra as a sub.

If you are relying on extra birthday money cash from relatives (I’m guessing you don’t know if you will get much, yet) and eBay selling whic takes time - and good things worth selling. You won’t be in a financial situation to buy the bag until after your birthday

Bluelady · 31/03/2018 22:55

I'd be pissed off if I gave money to my daughter (if I had one) for her birthday and she spent it on something for someone else.

Coco134 · 31/03/2018 22:56

Bluntness - good for you! I’m sure the OP loves being unemployed and having her parents helping her out! God forbid she spends her own bday money on herself Shock and finds abit extra to get something she actually wants. Self righteous or whatHmm

Viviennemary · 31/03/2018 22:56

You haven't got enough money to buy the bag. Stop being greedy and always wanting more. You should be grateful for the £100 which is very generous indeed and buy a present with that.

FizzyWizzyFlash · 31/03/2018 22:56

You're unemployed! With a baby on the way. And you want a designer handbag?! Which you can't afford?!

Words fail me

Really, I would save that £100s for a rainy day until you have a steady income.

kristophersmum2008 · 31/03/2018 22:57

I perhaps see things differently my mum and dad didn't have money to support us so when i was gifted money I bought things that the baby would need as there was no way i could have afforded some of the stuff.
I think the first buggy was something like 100
even when we had the baby shower

keep it till after uve had the baby by then u might have enough for the bag that u want and if u need to use the money for other things its there

Katedotness1963 · 31/03/2018 22:57

It's your birthday, treat yourself! I'm not sure if it's Dear Partner or Dear Parents, but it doesn't matter if they like it or not, it's your birthday gift.

HundredMilesAnHour · 31/03/2018 22:57

Are you fucking kidding? You are pregnant, unemployed and being bankrolled by your parents and want to spend that on a BAG?

This. It's time to grow up and act like an adult. Your parents are already funding you. Maybe you should think about easing the financial burden on them rather than thinking just about yourself.

Original poster
NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 22:58

Oh... it looks like I have divided opinion a bit here! I’m not going to say that I ‘deserve’ or need the bag - far from it, and I am sure there are lots of people on here who would say I’m acting in quite a spoilt way.

I’m going to try and defend myself a little bit by saying that life is pretty short and I have learnt that the hard way by watching my DB die slowly from bowel cancer last year, and have been through the mill quite a bit in the last few years with a lot of health problems - a head injury, post concussion syndrome, mental breakdown and drug induced movement disorder... plus an ectopic pregnancy last year, all of which have taken a toll on me a lot in different ways.

This is by no means a way of my justifying the reasons to buy the bag, or that I deserve it any more than the next person. Yes, my parents are helping me out with money and I’m incredibly grateful, and fortunate that I have that safety blanket, without which I would be in quite a mess. But... I have sold a lot (about £2.5k’s worth) of stuff on eBay since being made redundant last August and used this money to help my DH and me keep our heads above water the past 6 months. It’s not been easy being told your contract is up after your DB has passed away, nor is it that easy looking for work being pregnant. I’m sure it will get people’a backs up saying that I have had a shit time recently and wanted a little treat for my birthday before I have to pull the reins in even more when the baby arrives. Whether this is the right thing to do is one thing, but I don’t intentionally want to be an entitled or grabby person by any means - although I can see why it would come across that way.

I’m going to stop here before I dig myself a large hole! I guess it will be better and make more sense financially to save the money before the baby arrives, and once I find work again to save for luxuries like handbags in the future when funds aren’t so tight.

Thank you for your opinions though - it had been interesting seeing what others think.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 31/03/2018 22:59

Coco, on what fucking planet is 85 quid a "bit extra". To someone unemployed and pregnant. To most in that scenario that's a lot fucking extra. Have you no clue what it's like to be a single parent on benefits? Having to be supported by your parents because you can't afford to live?.

A hundred pounds gift is a lot. She should buy something nice with the hundred pounds. End of.

UndomesticHousewife · 31/03/2018 23:01

Get a fake one from China for £15 and use the money to buy something the baby needs.
All very well to have an expensive bag but not when you’re being funded by other people.

Bluntness100 · 31/03/2018 23:02

Ok, just seen your update, you're not a single parent, you have a husband and your parents are still financially supporting you? Is there a reason for this?

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