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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that £150 is a lot to spend on a handbag?

204 replies

NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 21:32

I’m really wanting to treat myself to a Michael Kors bag on ebay or in the sale, but I’m currently 28 weeks pregnant with DC2 but am out of work and being very kindly funded by my DP (despite trying to look for work for about 5 months unsuccessfully...)

My DP are usually very kind and generous and offer to buy me something v nice, up to the value of £100. Not wanting to be frivolous, I’ve seen a Michael Kors handbag that I really like on Brandalley.co.uk that I’d like which is £185 - it is a lot more than the birthday budget, but I would try and fund the rest from selling things on ebay and having some money from other family members towards it too.

My DP didn’t think much of my idea about the handbag, and would rather I didn’t spend my birthday money on something that they don’t think is a worthwhile present. I’m very grateful for everything they do and give me, and I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth if they are offering money towards a different present, but AMA bit disappointed that I can’t buy what I really want for my birthday.

I’m probably going to come across as ungrateful or spoilt saying all this, and this is the last thing I want to be. Please tell me to get a grip on and be more grateful for being offered such a generous present, and think rationally about what would be a useful gift for my birthday. AIBU in feeling a bit unsure about how I should react and what I should buy now?

OP posts:
MrsGrindah · 31/03/2018 23:02

Well OP your update has proved one thing.. life is too precious to be defined by possessions.

Original poster
NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 23:02

No, I’m not living with my parents. I had a good career in publishing for 10 years, was self employed for 3 and have a DH, DD and lovely home - so I am not someone living completely off my parents. Just getting supported in a very generous way, and am extremely grateful for all the help I get - despite coming across to some as otherwise! 😳😞

OP posts:
UndomesticHousewife · 31/03/2018 23:02

Does your husband work?

gressingham · 31/03/2018 23:03

If I was your parent, I would just gift you £100 cash for your birthday because £185 way exceeded MY budget. I’ve done this to my teenager who asked for an expensive gadget above my budget for his present. He is currently saving for it still (his decision!). Earning your own money is the best way to learn to value it!

Original poster
NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 23:04

Yes, because we don’t have a massive income but we also don’t have lots of luxuries- don’t go on holiday, don’t smoke or drink, don’t have flash cars and hardly go out. My birthday is probably the one time I get to have a bit of a treat, albeit this time probably isn’t like before as I am out of work and pregnant - so perhaps not the best time to be splurging so selfishly perhaps.

OP posts:
FizzyWizzyFlash · 31/03/2018 23:04

This

**I guess it will be better and make more sense financially to save the money before the baby arrives, and once I find work again to save for luxuries like handbags in the future when funds aren’t so tight.

puglife15 · 31/03/2018 23:04

I think it's pretty divisive to spend £180 on a bag full stop tbh, some people will think it's good value other people will say rip off.

In your circumstance I'd find a nice non designer bag within the £100 budget. You pay extra just for the MK logo tbh.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 31/03/2018 23:05

You have experienced some dreadful things inc bereavement, redundancy and health issues
However, a fancy bag isn’t the solution,pragmatically you’re skint.
Save the bag purchase til you’re back in work and back on even keel
Spend the £100 on something nice though as it was a graciously given gift

Bluelady · 31/03/2018 23:05

She isn't a single parent. I was. My mum used to treat me when money was tight because, like me, she knew life is for living and sometimes nice things can make life immeasurably better. She'd have been really cross with me if she'd given me money for myself and I'd spent it on my son.

puglife15 · 31/03/2018 23:06

I also agree with everything you have gone through that a designer bag probably isn't a real priority.

Coco134 · 31/03/2018 23:07

Bluntness- calm down pissy pants.

If she’s sold 2.5k worth of her stuff to keep her and her DH afloat then £85 isn’t a lot.

‘End of’

Bluntness100 · 31/03/2018 23:08

Op, 100 pounds is a lot of money for many people. Buy something nice with it. Don't ask for more, especially not knowing if you can pay it back and your husband and you can't financially support your family currently.

Bramble71 · 31/03/2018 23:08

I think if it's a good quality bag, that's going to be versatile, suits your style and will last you for years, then it's a great investment. Think of it in terms of the number of times you'll use it, then it doesn't seem so expensive.

I love my handbags. They make me smile. Simple as that. I have arthritis in my feet so I can't do fab shoes. I'm overweight so I can't do nice clothes. My gorgeous handbags are my pride and joy.

I think you should go for it, OP. Women will always needs bags, so it won't be a waste. I hope you love it!

Bluntness100 · 31/03/2018 23:09

Pissy pants.l.🤣

Eveforever · 31/03/2018 23:09

Yes she's pregnant and unemployed, but her parents want to get their daughter a gift for her birthday, which is exactly what most parents do! The problem is that she's been offered a gift up to the value of £100, but wants something significantly more expensive. You can get a nice gift for £100 and pregnant or not I think it's okay to accept it, but unless other people are willing to contribute to the bag as part of her birthday, I wouldn't be put funding this bag over putting money aside for baby things.

lostinjapan · 31/03/2018 23:09

You're pregnant, unemployed, funded by your parents, presumably have no real savings, and you want a £185 handbag, which you'll have to sell your possessions on eBay to be able to afford?

I'm not surprised your parents are unimpressed. You sound a bit spoiled and lacking in common sense. You can still ask for a nice birthday gift, but also one that's sensible, useful and not too extravagant, and within the £100 budget.

gressingham · 31/03/2018 23:13

YABU. Look, being offered a present budget of £100 but asking for one that actually costs £185 is being a CF! I know that I certainly wouldn’t do that to my own parents. I would choose something which came within budget. It’s hardly rocket science is it? I do think that you should be able to choose what you want (within budget) though.

Original poster
NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 23:17

Yes, I know it comes across as spoilt - I would be completely senseless if I didn’t think otherwise. I think it will be best to spend it on a purchase for the baby and then get something later on for me when I’m back in work with more money behind me.

To be fair, my self esteem has been petty shit since I had my head injury and mental breakdown, and my drug induced movement disorder is awful to live with - the involuntary movements make me feel very self conscious about getting customer facing or office based work as I worry what others may think of me.

(This of course is completely irrelevant to this thread but adds a bit of background - sorry to dripfeed though).

Life is too short for material possessions though, as PP have said. I’m going to have a lot to think about after this evening and the replies on here...

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 31/03/2018 23:18

Oh heaven forbid someone unemployed dare to want something niceHmm

emmyrose2000 · 31/03/2018 23:19

YABU

Original poster
NooNooHead · 31/03/2018 23:19

My parents are supporting me as I have found in incredibly difficult to get work again as a freelance copywriter despite having over a decade of experience in the publishing industry. I applied for other jobs in different industries too with no luck, and wasn’t entitled to jobseekers’ or any other benefits as I was self employed and my DH earns more than the maximum required.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 31/03/2018 23:19

I am sorry to read all the events you’ve experienced, that’s really grim
Take care and I hope you have a safe and happy pg and birth
The bag it’s nice,but it’s not the magic solution.

gressingham · 31/03/2018 23:20

If the OP’s parents are too controlling over what she should spend their offered £100 on, it’s an easy lesson to learn. Never accept money with strings! If it’s too much hassle, it’s not worth it.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 31/03/2018 23:21

What about asking your parents not to get you a birthday gift but get you a combined birthday and Christmas gift and it be the bag?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 31/03/2018 23:24

If the OP’s parents are too controlling over what she should spend their offered £100 on, it’s an easy lesson to learn. Never accept money with strings! If it’s too much hassle, it’s not worth it

Bit of a seriously nasty way of viewing someone saying “hey daughter your budget is around £100 what would you like us to buy for that for your birthday”

They haven’t given her money and been controlling about how she spends it they have asked her to choose her own present up to that amount.