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AIBU?

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Original poster

To really hate the word "passed" for someone who's died

293 replies

Slippery · 30/03/2018 17:37

Passed what? Passed to where? They've died. Doesn't matter how you try to dress it up.

I've recently had two family members die, and it really pisses me off when someone says they've "passed".

End of rant.

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 30/03/2018 17:39

Its taboo to mention someone has died in some cultures, so 'passed' is a suitable way of talking about it when its unavoidable.

StripeyDeckchair · 30/03/2018 17:39

No, it's ambiguous and I hate it.
Medical people are, apparently, told to use died to ensure that those they are telling understand what has happened.

thatsmyjoomper · 30/03/2018 17:39

Me too - the words don't change what happened. I'm sure by saying 'passed' it doesn't make it less terrible

bizmum1 · 30/03/2018 17:39

Wow! You must get pissed off really easily.

Some people may feel more comfortable using the term 'passed' - it's not just about what you prefer. Nothing offensive about the term.

NewYearNewMe18 · 30/03/2018 17:40

Your prerogative of course, but ramming your views down another bereaved persons throat is off.

The phrase is passed away

And this is a TAAT.

BringMeTea · 30/03/2018 17:41

YANBU. Grinds my gears too. It seems to be coming accepted as I have heard news presenters use it.

MayFayner · 30/03/2018 17:41

People get anxious talking about death. Better to use euphemisms than not mention it at all imo.

pinyata · 30/03/2018 17:42

I work in the funeral industry and when we're discussing arrangement with a family we alway use the word passed.

It can be a difficult and stressful time and using the term passed isn't as harsh sounding as saying somebody is dead/died repeatedly throughout a conversation.

ScreamingValenta · 30/03/2018 17:43

It isn't a term I would use myself, but in discussions about an individual's death, I always take the lead from the bereaved person and use the terminology they seem to prefer. If it brings someone comfort to think of their loved one 'passing' (e.g. passing to another place in a spiritual sense) then I certainly wouldn't interfere with that.

IHaveBrilloHair · 30/03/2018 17:43

Agree, but I'm atheist so maybe that has something to do with it?

Want2beme · 30/03/2018 17:43

My DM recently picked me up on this. They've died Want, not passed away. Where have the passed away to? They've died!". It did make me chuckle, but I've become conscious of saying it now. I know people die, but I think some people prefer to hear passed away.

CanIBuffalo · 30/03/2018 17:43

I think it sounds weird, like passed a test/exam. Or it sounds as if they can't be arsed with two words - passed on or passed away.
I don't like euphemisms for death personally but I don't get wound up about it. I just think it's odd.

RedDogsBeg · 30/03/2018 17:43

It seems to be a term widely used in America, I agree with you OP I don't like it at all.

sparklyllama · 30/03/2018 17:44

My DM has very recently passed away, maybe in time to come I will be able to use the d word, but right now it hurts too much.

AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork · 30/03/2018 17:44

I feel the same about using 'lost.' To me, you lose keys down the back of the sofa, you lose a bet. When someone says they've lost someone my first thought was did you find them?

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 30/03/2018 17:44

Oh c’mon. You know what it means. The phrase was around before you.

SmileyBird · 30/03/2018 17:44

Yes, I hate the term ‘passed’ as well. It’s a bit too Thora Hird lace doily for my liking.

Obviously the OP isn’t likely to ram this view down a grieving person’s throat, how odd that you think she might NewYear

Alison100199 · 30/03/2018 17:44

I hate it too. They are dead. Don't use euphemisms.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 30/03/2018 17:45

They have died. Using euphemisms won't make that any more bearable.

Although I do prefer "they have died" to "they are dead".

PlausibleSuit · 30/03/2018 17:46

Where I'm from - Manchester and Lancashire - it's pretty normal usage. Can't remember the last time I heard that someone had died (in my old area. In London people do seem to say 'die' or 'pass away'). I think it's colloquial.

Sometimes it just feels kinder. When my friend's mum died, people asked her things like "How did she pass?" It sounds a bit softer and less intrusive than "how did she die?"

Millipedewithherfeetup · 30/03/2018 17:46

I don't mind passed it's the no longer with us that I find a bit meh.

CanIBuffalo · 30/03/2018 17:47

Yes lost their lives is even odder.
I can just imagine my DM, having 'lost her life', looking around frantically and muttering where the bloody hell have I put that now!
She was always losing stuff. Grin

frasier · 30/03/2018 17:47

I don't like it either.

Someone once said "What? Driving test?" when a colleague announced that their sister has passed.

raspberrysuicide · 30/03/2018 17:49

And I've noticed that people kind of lower their voice and whisper that someone has passed on!
What is so terrible about saying they've died?
It's going to happen to everyone eventually

NameChangeBiatch · 30/03/2018 17:49

Me too. It's a euphemism. I say "died" . However I wouldn't bring my opinion up to anyone in grief for obvious reasons .

But when it's not a relative like tv presenters announcing it or something it does annoy. Just say it.

But then euphemisms get on my tits in general.