To really hate the word "passed" for someone who's died

[Slippery]

Passed what? Passed to where? They've died. Doesn't matter how you try to dress it up.

I've recently had two family members die, and it really pisses me off when someone says they've "passed".

End of rant.

I think you are brave to start this thread.
However I prefer passed away.
Passed sounds wrong.
Unfortunately so and so died is apt , as is passed away. imo

We say "passed" in our family but probably because it has to do with our faith. Each to their own is my philosophy in matters concerning life and death.

name

No, apologies. But I assume the people bitching about the use of “passed” are. However, I have never been to a welsh or Scottish funeral so fair enough

Sorry about that, fat fingers.

What I meant to say, in response to the pp saying they'd never seen an open casket English funeral in 30 years, was that yes, I have seen plenty. I work in a church and they are relatively frequent. It depends what you mean by 'a traditional English funeral'. It's true that white people are less likely to have them than some others (particularly people of Caribbean origin), although I've still seen a good few, but I don't know if 'traditional English' referred to the people or the style of funeral.

'Passed' is so ambiguous. Passed a test? Passed your house?

'Passed away' is much clearer, if people really don't want to say died.

Well I say my baby has passed away, not died, sorry if you hate it and it pisses you off. It feels softer and less aggressive, and reflects the innocence and beauty of a child.

You should try being softer and less aggressive, maybe.

There are some interesting euphemisms on gravestones in our local cemetery. So and so went to sleep.....went to see his Father.....

Well yes, traditional English. Obviously Caribbean people are bringing their own culture to the funeral (and people the same
Culture as me have traditional funerals here too, they are a very large population here)

sleeping" is another one. My baby was not born sleeping, my baby is dead. Don't make that face when I say it ,you are not miraculously bringing her back to life by pretending she is sleeping. She is not.
I do try to shut up about it, but it does give me the rage inside

This exactly! If I'd buried my sleeping baby I would now be serving a lengthy jail term.

In general I don't mind what other people say about their own bereavements but I tend not to use euphemisms myself. "Passed" on it's own is also slightly confusing because "Did you hear that Sarah passed?" could be either very good news, or very bad.

Nestlyn
read my post, I have no opinion about the way people deal with their grief, I already said that.

I do not like people using that term about mine, and making a shocked face when I say she is dead. They make it sound like it's too painful to hear.. well, yes, tell me about it. Why should I have to tip toe and be softer when I am dealing with my grief?

You know this is quite a hurtful thread and I don’t think it’s “in the spirit of the site” that HQ like to keep to. I’m reporting it for that reason. It’s helping no-one and upsetting quite a few.

There wiv da angles now hun.

You should try being softer and less aggressive, maybe.
You could be less condescending and spiteful, maybe.

I much prefer Gone Home.

If I'd buried my sleeping baby I would now be serving a lengthy jail term.

that so awful it made me laugh! I don't care what that makes me.

Passed has a religious connotation doesn't it?

Passed to the other place.

I don’t see an issue. This is what works and brings comfort to someone. Juts because you prefer the clinical terminology doesn’t make anyone else wrong. Older people (seem) to prefer using the term passed away. So what? You don’t, that’s great, but I’d never be mocking of the way someone else chooses to deal with their grief at a relative dying.

I hate it too. When my parents died, we said exactly that. Yes, it does sound final - because it is. Nothing is more final.

Sometimes it just feels kinder. When my friend's mum died, people asked her things like "How did she pass?"

There’s nothing “kind” about asking someone how their loved one died

i also hate the term 'lost' I have lost my husband i always want to reply 'thats a bit careless then' they died end of

How is it not kind? I don’t get that. People often want to talk about it, not have people shy away from it.

How is it not kind? I don’t get that. People often want to talk about it, not have people shy away from it.

If that reply was to me, I agree that sometimes people want to talk about it. But asking, rather than waiting to be told, is intrusive. You should always take your lead from the bereaved person.

Interesting that people link a preference for 'passed' with a belief in an afterlife. I can see it's logical, so my family (mostly Christians) preference for 'died' is possibly a bit wierd.

Dad died about five years ago. My mum had just left the hospital when he died so she got a phone call at home to let her know. I'm afraid she got a bit shirty with the nurse who phoned and told her dad had 'passed away"....

I don’t think it’s rude at all. My BFs dad died last month and when I met him I asked him to “tell me what happened” was good, he spoke for 2 hours about getting the call, making the trip etc. What else do you do, pretend it hasn’t happened unless the Person specifically mentions it?