To really hate the word "passed" for someone who's died

[Slippery]

Passed what? Passed to where? They've died. Doesn't matter how you try to dress it up.

I've recently had two family members die, and it really pisses me off when someone says they've "passed".

End of rant.

I deal with a lot of death and I don't like using the term 'passed away'. I say that the patient had died.

I just think passed away is more kinder, more gentle, than died, which can seem very harsh and final.

Wow aren't you a peach OP

Lots of people believe there is an afterlife. Only a real arsehole you by the sounds of it OP would dictate how people speak at a time like this.

Death is a difficult subject. Perhaps it would be best to acknowledge that people are allowed to describe it in the manner in which they feel most comfortable, and recognize it doesn't really affect you.

For the second time today, I genuinely am why people get so het up about terminology when people are trying to be helpful or kind. At this rate I'm going to say nothing to people in case they get offended.

I'd say passed away if I didn't know someone well, because saying dead or died could be painful for another. I'd rather take the awkwardness of saying passed away to someone who might be indignant or annoyed than risk upsetting someone during grief.

Tbh, I wouldn't care what someone said. I'd just appreciate their condolence.

Passed away >> no longer with us. They've gone aka they are dead.

I'm not a great one for euphamism but these seem fine to me.

I have never taken it to definitely refer to an afterlife but for religious types I think it would mean that too.

and also it implies they've gone somewhere else, which is utter nonsense as far as I'm concerned

Right, so because You don't have a faith, then no-one should, in their hour of need, refer to their beliefs ?

My sister always says this but she is a euphemism user, always flowers the bad stuff, she swears now and then and thinks she's being a rebel, but it irritates me when she tells me someone has "passed"

Some of us are religious and won't change our belief or phraseology because a random internet person doesnt like them

Only a real arsehole you by the sounds of it OP would dictate how people speak at a time like this

Saying you dislike something is not the same as dictating to other people. I didn't like it when people used the term to me when my parents died. But that doesn't mean I wrote back to them slagging them off for it, and I understood they were trying to be kind.

I have never met a culture less able to deal with death.

I agree with this, from Sprinkles - but on the subject of the thread I think it's because of this that the language matters. I find - because of their different take on it (wakes, caskets and all) people from Ireland and Northern Ireland are generally better adjusted. It drove me mad when my mum died the endless euphemisms from the funeral home and the humanist celebrant. Naming it is part of coping with it - there is of course that first phase of denial where it's too harsh and final to say someone has died but I think it's healthy to get there.

We need to talk about death more, and ahead of time.

(My faith related one is "gone to be with the Lord" - way to make outsiders feel a bit uncomfortable! )

The OED gives the first usage of ‘pass’ meaning to die at around 1300, predating ‘pass away’ by nearly a century.

I also dislike it, though, as it always makes me think of tacky, fraudulent mediums (not that there’s such a thing as a non-fraudulent medium).

"I have never met a culture less able to deal with death."
Goady

Um, alright

I don’t mind passed or passed on. It’s fairly clear.

I do not like “gone” “lost” “sleeping” as they are ambiguous. I don’t like it particularly when stillbirth is referred to as “born sleeping”. They aren’t asleep, and i think it’s a cruel way to remind bereaved parents they won’t ever wake uo.

I do find it a little amusing when i hear people say a death was “unexpected”. Obits are good for this one- mavis, aged 97, unexpectedly at home. She’s 97! How could you not expect it sooner rather than later!

Having lost a daughter suddenly, part of the grieving process meant l was unable to say died as it was too final so l say passed. Unless you have been in this position it is a easy to judge without considering what the other person is going through.

Ffs. If saying 'passed' 'passed away' 'lost' or whatever other euphemism you deem baffling, means someone copes with their Lisa of a lived one, then perhaps just find a hobby that takes your attention elsewhere?

It isn't up to me to mind what other people say.

I say "dead", because a) I work in a medical role and death is just a part of life and b) I think this country's unwillingness to talk about death (not people who are grieving - just talking about it in general) is part of the reason why many people have poor experiences of palliative care; because we can't consider the notion that someone can have "a good death".

If someone said passed away/lost/gone to sleep to my DD, I'd step in and say "they mean ___ has died". She's 4 and I don't want her becoming confused; being honest about death when her great granddad died helped her to understand what it meant, so even if it hurt their feelings temporarily, it's more important to me that DD has a healthy attitude towards death.

In any other conversation, however, I probably wouldn't notice whether they said "dead" or "passed away" because it's no business of mine.

Not keen on passed, but the one that really sets my teeth on edge is I’m sorry for your loss which is trite, twee and meaningless.

If a bereaved person says someone has passed or lost, fair enough, that’s how they are choosing to phrase it and I’ll respect their sensitivities, and take my cues from them.

If it’s a non bereaved person being coy though, and I can see relatives wincing at the terminology I struggle not to be irritated by the Hyacinth behaviour.

What is a good replacement for 'sorry for your loss'?

I don't think it's 'trite ,twee and meaningless' at all.

"Sorry to hear your mum/dad died" worked for me.

Wow!! Really disappointed and quite surprised by HQs response to the reports on this thread. Yet again, no consistency at all with HQs deletion policy. There are grieving people right here on this thread. Who is this thread helping??

Seems nothing is right. I would certainly never say 'Sorry to hear your Mum/Dad died' that's awful.

Especially if they had just told you.

I can't see what's wrong with "sorry for your loss", because it is a loss isn't it.

I think it's because I hate the way British English is being taken over by American English.

And . . . Bingo.