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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To destroy something which we found in our house but isn't ours

192 replies

ilovejohncooperclarke · 30/03/2018 10:52

The thread about finding things after someone has died made me wonder if mumsnet can help with this issue we have. I've changed my name, just in case.

Whilst clearing out our attic getting ready to lay more insulation DH came across a rusted cash tin, tucked away in a corner. DH brought it down and we were quite excited as to what it might contain as it had been well hidden. When we opened it we discovered my MIL had an affair with a family friend - there are letters to and from my FIL to the other man, and letters from MIL to FIL and the other man. My DH was in his early 20s when this happened (before I knew him, he's now mid 40s) and he says this discovery makes some things clear but he never suspected anything at the time and is struggling with it now. MIL and FIL still together. They are very churchy and this doesn't seem to fit but the evidence is clear.

My question is - what do we do with the tin and contents now? Just get rid so no-one else will find it? Or hand it back to FIL as it's really his property, but then he'll know we know? Or hang onto it in case FIL ever asks about it? We've hidden it again but I'm not sure we want it to be accidentally found again. I think we should destroy it but I struggle that it's not really ours, or is it, as it was in our house? I think if it had been full of cash, or share certificates we'd have tried to find the rightful owner. We've lived here for 10 years. It was PIL house for 20 years before that.

What would you do?

OP posts:
KerryMucklowe · 30/03/2018 10:54

Destroy it.

Pengggwn · 30/03/2018 10:54

Give it back to MIL and say you found this but didn't open it - is it hers? And then never mention it again.

Floopbloop · 30/03/2018 10:55

I don't think there's anything to be gained from bringing it all back up, so in this situation I'd destroy the letters.

QuietFin · 30/03/2018 10:55

I would probably put it back and pretend I'd never found it, they have obviously moved on from it and probably wouldn't want ancient history being dragged up?

DingDongDenny · 30/03/2018 10:56

I would keep it safe or 'hidden' until after their deaths, then destroy it

FlexTimeCheekyFucker · 30/03/2018 10:56

^^

Jon66 · 30/03/2018 10:57

Put it back where you found it. Whoever put it there might remember and retrieve it at some point. If they don't, it's all irrelevant once they've gone.

astoundedgoat · 30/03/2018 10:57

They were kept and not destroyed in the first place for a reason though.

Do you have reason to imagine MIL or FIL hid it? Whoever you think hid it, do what Pengggwn said above - give it to them and say "We found this in the attic - thought it might be yours, so we didn't open it."

user1499333856 · 30/03/2018 11:00

Just put it back where it was if you can and forget about it.

RawhideRingpiece · 30/03/2018 11:02

BLACKMAIL THEM!!!

Not really. Just get rid.

FinishingTheHat · 30/03/2018 11:02

Why is it FIL’s property rather than MIL’s?

SadieHH · 30/03/2018 11:04

Put it back and forget it. No point dragging it all up but as the people are still alive I wouldn’t be able to destroy it as it’s not mine.

BlondeB83 · 30/03/2018 11:05

I would tell them you’ve seen a tin in the attic but not opened it then ask if it is theirs/what they would like you to do.

Piffle11 · 30/03/2018 11:05

I wouldn’t give it back - it would bring up loads of painful memories for both parties, and I would think immense embarrassment too. Could change the dynamic between you and DH and his parents. As another poster said: keep it hidden away - just in case one of IL ever want it back (doubtful) - and destroy it after they’ve passed away.

Sunshinebeach · 30/03/2018 11:06

Don't give it back. Put it where it was and don't mention it.

Sunshinebeach · 30/03/2018 11:07

You don't want to bring this back now after so long. It won't help anyone.

PutTheChocEggDown · 30/03/2018 11:08

I agree - pretend never to have found it. If one of them asks for it return it. Destroy after their deaths.

retirednow · 30/03/2018 11:09

If you tell them you think it might be theirs they will know youve opened it, it could bring back bad memories, leave it or destroy it.

Sunshinebeach · 30/03/2018 11:10

They are not stupid; they won't believe that you never opened it. Just pretend you never find it

BarbaraOcumbungles · 30/03/2018 11:13

Put it back and forget you’ve ever seen it.

MiddleClassProblem · 30/03/2018 11:14

Another vote for re hiding and dealing with it post ther deaths.

They either know it’s there and have left it behind/may retrorbe it one day or have forgotten all about it. I think handing it over claiming to not know what’s in it could bring it all back up for them, even if it’s only MIL and she doesn’t tell FIL. It would create some awkward, guilty feeling again at very least.

Nanny0gg · 30/03/2018 11:15

Put it back and don't mention it.

They've sorted out how they want to deal with it and how they want to live their lives.

What good would it do to let them know you know?

DextroDependant · 30/03/2018 11:15

Put it back and don't mention it.

Viviennemary · 30/03/2018 11:16

I think the best thing to do is to leave it alone and not say anything. Even if you do say you didn't read the letters or open the tin if I was them I would always wonder if you did read them. So they'll never be sure that you don't know. Best thing is to leave the tin where it is and forget all about it.

MeanTangerine · 30/03/2018 11:17

I'm confused. Why would your ILs have hidden something in your house?

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