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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To destroy something which we found in our house but isn't ours

192 replies

ilovejohncooperclarke · 30/03/2018 10:52

The thread about finding things after someone has died made me wonder if mumsnet can help with this issue we have. I've changed my name, just in case.

Whilst clearing out our attic getting ready to lay more insulation DH came across a rusted cash tin, tucked away in a corner. DH brought it down and we were quite excited as to what it might contain as it had been well hidden. When we opened it we discovered my MIL had an affair with a family friend - there are letters to and from my FIL to the other man, and letters from MIL to FIL and the other man. My DH was in his early 20s when this happened (before I knew him, he's now mid 40s) and he says this discovery makes some things clear but he never suspected anything at the time and is struggling with it now. MIL and FIL still together. They are very churchy and this doesn't seem to fit but the evidence is clear.

My question is - what do we do with the tin and contents now? Just get rid so no-one else will find it? Or hand it back to FIL as it's really his property, but then he'll know we know? Or hang onto it in case FIL ever asks about it? We've hidden it again but I'm not sure we want it to be accidentally found again. I think we should destroy it but I struggle that it's not really ours, or is it, as it was in our house? I think if it had been full of cash, or share certificates we'd have tried to find the rightful owner. We've lived here for 10 years. It was PIL house for 20 years before that.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Bluelady · 30/03/2018 11:42

Put it back and destroy it after their deaths. No good would come of giving it to them.

CanIBuffalo · 30/03/2018 11:43

Replace it. Never mention it.

senua · 30/03/2018 11:44

There is no rush. Take your time to come to the decision.

BertrandRussell · 30/03/2018 11:45

Put it back exactly where it was.

BertrandRussell · 30/03/2018 11:47

Because if whoever put it there for some reason remembers it and goes back for it it will be utterly awful for them not knowing where it ended up.

MeltSnow · 30/03/2018 11:47

I’m suprised at those saying that it’s wrong to destroy the contents of the box. I would and I wouldn’t think about it for a moment. I think it would be silly to do anything different.

TansyViolet · 30/03/2018 11:48

I wonder if it's a common time for people to have an affair after their kids have flown the nest. My mum had an affair when i was a student and two of my friends at the time had the same happen. I remember us talking about it at a party.

Teateaandmoretea · 30/03/2018 11:55

I’m suprised at those saying that it’s wrong to destroy the contents of the box. I would and I wouldn’t think about it for a moment. I think it would be silly to do anything different.

Me too. You now own the house and they left it there so legally it's yours I imagine. But anyway in what possible scenario would either of them ask for it back? Confused. I wouldn't want it in my house.

LadyLapsang · 30/03/2018 11:56

Am I alone in thinking you shouldn't have opened something in your PIL's house without their permission?

turnipfarmers · 30/03/2018 11:59

The box is in their house so why on earth shouldn't they open it?

AnnieAnoniMouser · 30/03/2018 11:59

I can’t believe people would destroy something that doesn’t belong to them (when they know who it belongs to) 😳

Put it back in the attic and leave it well alone.

Does your DH see the ‘family friend’ she had the affair with?

EastMidsMummy · 30/03/2018 12:02

Destroy. It’s legally yours. Your in laws don’t want it.

8oOoOoOo8 · 30/03/2018 12:03

Reading comprehension on this thread 🙄

Don't reopen old wounds. Destroy it (I'm a scumbag 😏)

SoupDragon · 30/03/2018 12:03

Why would there be letters that were sent from your DH’s parents to the OM?

BertrandRussell · 30/03/2018 12:04

And if one of them remembers it and goes to look for it and finds it gone?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 30/03/2018 12:05

Interesting that you'd consider handing it over to your FIL? Why on earth would you do something so destructive?

MatildaTheCat · 30/03/2018 12:05

Destroy. I discovered something a bit similar once about my parents and it was very weird. Now I just accept it as part of their history which is none of my business.

LadyLapsang · 30/03/2018 12:06

Turnip, OP corrected the situation to state it was in the PIL's attic, not their own house.

PoorYorick · 30/03/2018 12:07

Destroy.

PoorYorick · 30/03/2018 12:09

Oh wait, it was in the PIL's attic? In which case no, just put it back where it was and never breathe a word.

InspMorse · 30/03/2018 12:09

Interesting that it was left behind. Whoever put it there either:
A. Forgot about it
or
B. Wanted your DH to find it.

In both cases, put it back and forget about it yourselves. It was their life before your DH came along so no point in dragging it up. They are still together so obviously worked through it.

8oOoOoOo8 · 30/03/2018 12:10

And if one of them remembers it and goes to look for it and finds it gone?

Could have been destroyed by any number of workmen etc.

My money's on it already being forgotten or hidden by one and assumed destroyed by another.

8oOoOoOo8 · 30/03/2018 12:11

Reading comprehension 🙄🙄🙄

Go back and read the op

PutDownThatLaptop · 30/03/2018 12:11

I am confused as to why this tin contains letters to and from people? Surely the recipient of the letters has those letters? If you write a letter to the other man, why is the letter still in your possession? It reads as if you have evidence of a three way conversation between three people but that does not make sense.

InspMorse · 30/03/2018 12:12

It WAS the PIL's attic (they lived in the house BEFORE OP and her DH).