Husband's inheritance

[samanthajonespr]

My husband's grandma died a few weeks ago and left some money to each of her grandchildren (10k). My in laws are being very controlling about the money and are keeping it in trust rather than letting them all have their share. Husband's been told that he has to put it in ISAs for the sole purpose of saving towards a house deposit otherwise he can't have it. (Those lifetime ISA setups where you declare it's for a house and then you get 25% added by the government)
I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old, he's got a decent job but money's still tight with only 1 income coming in. We have a small amount of debt and could do with moving to a house that doesn't have damp and has a proper garden for our child.
Since all this has happened, my husband has gone weird and cagey if the subject comes up. I suggested that out of the 10k we keep a little bit back and he maybe treats himself, puts some away for our son or we have a nice day out or something. I know that the deposit is very important to have but we have nowhere near enough to put down and we'll only have to save and add to it anyway. When I suggested it he said "I knew you'd do this, I knew you'd try and get me to keep the money", I'm really surprised because he's acting like Gollum and he's cutting me out of it all. My name won't be anywhere near any of it, eg. a joint savings account and I feel like this in just in case I turn into a gold digger and divorce him over half of his inheritance! If I was a gold digger, I really didn't choose my mark very well...
I share everything I get, when my grandma died she didn't have much and it was shared between 5 children and 7 grandchildren so I got a couple of hundred quid. I used it to get us both some new clothes and a nice meal out because she was all about enjoying yourself while you're still here. It hurts because of the principle. I don't want his money, I just to be included. Am I in the wrong here?

Sounds like he is in cahoots with his parents about keeping the money for himsel. I would let him put it in in an ISA and get proof. Then divorce him and get half.

Who are the executors?

If the will stipulates each GC gets £10K that they get £10K , no strings. the parents cannot add caveats.

I don't get your post. You say to need to move and give good reasons, but then you want to whittle away at the money that your DH has inherited. You husband sounds more sensible than you.

It's not up to you. It's his decision. and he's being sensible with it

If money is that tight maybe you should go back to work.

@Yarboosucks I only meant keep a little tiny bit so he can enjoy himself, her illness was long and drawn out and he's been ground down by it all. We don't really have a lot of money for treats or going out so what's wrong with him doing something for himself to make him feel happy.
I'd say I'm pretty sensible, I usually take care of most of the household admin and I'm the calm and dependable one in my own family

If it's £10k for the grandkids that seems pretty clear cut to me. It's for them, not you (or your DH)

If you did 'borrow' from it would you be paying that money back when your child comes to buy a house?

@Aussiemum78 I'm studying at the moment but thanks for the suggestion

Assuming your husband is not a child and he was a named beneficiary in the will either by name or class the money is his, his parents can’t decide what happens to it, keep it in trust or otherwise prevent access to the money. Tell him to get the money transferred to him ASAP without condition. You can then both decide what happens to it. Do not leap into tying it up. Personally I would prioritise wiping out the debt. What sort of deposit are you looking at. Could the 10k get you a property deposit if you use help to buy

^harsh; but there is some truth in that. He doesn’t sound like someone I would want to be financially reliant on.....sorry

I totally disagree. My dh share everything we earn together but I feel inheritance is different. When my dgm died, I chose what to do with the money and my dh has done the same with his legacy from his dgm.
My df puts money into an ISA each month for ds the expectation he will use it for a deposit for a house eventually. If one day, my ds has a partner I would be really hacked off if she tried to persuade him to use the money for something different to that original intention.

I think maybe it's a case of all money is joint money until he inherits some ! My dh has inherited a lot more than yours recently but I feel he's very much seen it as his money. Even to the point where he seems reluctant to even open an account in my name with a small portion of it to maximise ( pitiful) interest ! I think that we have had to be very careful with money for the past 20 years and now it seems to be so ingrained in him that he can't seem to have any fun !

His money, and looks like he's being sensible. ISAs are tax free and can't be jointly held so he's unlikely to be cutting you out. Perhaps, he just wants to ensure it doesn't get eaten into. Good idea.

BG2015 The OP's DH is a grandchild - it is for him.

@Schnauzermum2 he isn't named, it's just a general 'each of my grandchildren'. His mum had power of attorney, his sister has already bought her first house so I guess she's just allowed her share to do with what she pleases.
I would like to help him decide, I really think it's his choice to make. Not theirs.

Sounds to me like DH and DInLaws have the right idea. DH does not want to fritter enjoy it and how would it beneft anyone for it to be gifted to DS when you and DH need it for a house deposit? Forget it, unless you are divorcing it has nothing to do with you. YABU and very grabby.

Bg2015it’s the husband grandmother who has passed away therefore he is a “ grandkid” rtt properly

Does your DH do everything his parents tell him?! Having said that, the money was left to him not both of you and it's ultimately his choice. Just remember if you are ever in receipt of one too, though. There are clearly lines between his money and yours, has that come as a shock to you?

@GrannyGrissle I believe I said in my original post that I don't want his money. I want HIM to decide.

Is he from a more middle class background than you?

@JaneEyre70 yes, at the ripe old age of 30, he still does as his parents say. They are good at pressuring him. It's a shock because we are usually very open and we sort finances out together such as choosing our utility providers, budgeting and stuff like that

The Lifetime ISA is worth looking at as you get free money from the government. This is extra money that you (as a family) now have and shouldn't be frittered away on everyday things. This does seem like the sensible option that will give you security in the future

It's his money. He needs to tell his parents to butt out. It's nothing to do with them.

Inheritance is a funny thing. It takes a while to get your head round it being your money. Nearly three years on i still think of the money my dad left me - not us - as his. I refuse to spend it on anything he wouldn't have approved of. Maybe your husband is like me.

If its in trust you may not get a say in it at all. Your husband's could ask but its up to the trustees.

Even if its not, your husband sounds like he is actually being really sensible.

OP: the fact that your husband's mother had power of attorney is irrelevant now that her mother has died. It's what the will says that matters.