Husband's inheritance

[samanthajonespr]

My husband's grandma died a few weeks ago and left some money to each of her grandchildren (10k). My in laws are being very controlling about the money and are keeping it in trust rather than letting them all have their share. Husband's been told that he has to put it in ISAs for the sole purpose of saving towards a house deposit otherwise he can't have it. (Those lifetime ISA setups where you declare it's for a house and then you get 25% added by the government)
I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old, he's got a decent job but money's still tight with only 1 income coming in. We have a small amount of debt and could do with moving to a house that doesn't have damp and has a proper garden for our child.
Since all this has happened, my husband has gone weird and cagey if the subject comes up. I suggested that out of the 10k we keep a little bit back and he maybe treats himself, puts some away for our son or we have a nice day out or something. I know that the deposit is very important to have but we have nowhere near enough to put down and we'll only have to save and add to it anyway. When I suggested it he said "I knew you'd do this, I knew you'd try and get me to keep the money", I'm really surprised because he's acting like Gollum and he's cutting me out of it all. My name won't be anywhere near any of it, eg. a joint savings account and I feel like this in just in case I turn into a gold digger and divorce him over half of his inheritance! If I was a gold digger, I really didn't choose my mark very well...
I share everything I get, when my grandma died she didn't have much and it was shared between 5 children and 7 grandchildren so I got a couple of hundred quid. I used it to get us both some new clothes and a nice meal out because she was all about enjoying yourself while you're still here. It hurts because of the principle. I don't want his money, I just to be included. Am I in the wrong here?

I'm not claiming anything as mine. I'm really not like that. I want to feel like I'm my husband's equal, the money is immaterial really. It's the fact that I not part of any decision making process here.

I just wanted to comment on a couple of things.

The first being that in Scotland an inheritance does not form part of the matrimonial property. That may or may not be the case elsewhere, and may not be relevant to the OP, but if she is in Scotland then the inheritance is her husband's, and no part of it is hers.

Also, it usually takes months for estates to be settled and for any inheritance actually to be received. I inherited money from both my maternal grandparents, as did my cousins. My mother and uncles had nothing to do with it at all. It was dealt with by the solicitor, and the cheque came from the solicitor. What the OP says here - the grandmother died only a few weeks ago, and the MIL seems to be the one who's dealing with the money, rather than a solicitor - seems very unusual, and possibly dodgy.

Why are people stating that the money is the OP's HUSBAND'S money? And he can 'spend it how he wishes.'

No he can't.

They are married. It's 50% her money too.

Her husband isn't 'being sensible' or being reasonable;. He is being an arse!

Some ridiculous comments on this thread. I guess all the posters bashing the OP, would be 'cool' if THEIR husband had an inheritance and kept it all to himself, and would be totally fine with it!

Yeah right!

As someone else said have you actually read the will? If it stipulates that all GC will receive £10,000 then that is what will happen. Who is the executor? Perhaps you're mixing up power of attorney and executor of the will. Your MIL has likely inherited an amount and that's why she's put in a kitchen.
I've inherited from my brother, mother, father and aunts and uncles. My DH from his DM. A lot of money over the years but I miss these people terribly. Can't you just give all this a bit of a rest. it's unseemly.

But the money IS yours as much as his @samantha. Ignore anyone telling you any different.

If your husband is claiming you have no right to it, then he is either stupid, or a liar.

No an inheritance is not 50% the other person's. It belongs to the person who inherited it. If the partner wishes to share then fine. But it's not 50% the other person;s as much as some people like to pretend it is. It's not.

She will be executor, she's her Mum's only child and last living relative apart from the grandchildren
What's unseemly is them inheriting money and then immediately telling my husband what he can and can't do with it. Ffs the money isn't the issue here. I don't care how much he got or what he spends it on. I think people are missing the important issue. I don't want his money, I'm not salty about not being named (my husband isn't even named, the will was made before he was born), I'm not going to gold dig

And no I haven't seen the will. I would never ask to see it. That's up to my husband if he wants to demand to see it. We're just going off what we've been told by his grandma when she was alive and his mum now that his grandma isn't with us anymore

If the couple are married - all assets will be shared. INCLUDING any inheritances or lotto wins or anything.

No matter how much people like to pretend different.

I can completely imagine that it could be the case that DESPITE It being written into the will and therefore being a legal obligation and none of his parents business in the end, OPs DH bring under pressure to do what his parents say and they’ll give him the money once he’s agreed.

Legally & morally that is wrong, but it could happen within a family that is a bit controlling.

Anyway - it sounds a little bit of a storm in a teacup, OP. If you’d already researched the Help to Buy ISA and made a plan, then there’s no argument from anyone, is there?

Open the ISAs that will keep everyone happy, get DH to open another high interest savings account for ynr last £2K, then ease off the saving you usually go out if income for a couple of months and spend it on treats/day out etc.

Everyone happy.

@Viviennemary

An inheritance belongs to the person who inherited it (AND also their spouse.)

Corrected that for you.

What's unseemly is them inheriting money and then immediately telling my husband what he can and can't do with it.

Yes, this is annoying. But emotions run high after a death, so Best all round probably to keep quiet, let him stash it wherever (as long as his parents hand it over) and wait til the dust has settled a bit. You’ll just make him defensive, as you’ve discovered, so don’t push the point now.

Easter for you!

Did his grandma have a preference for what you did with the money?

Pretty much everyone I know who has received inheritance has used it solely for a house deposit. I've never inherited any money, but if I did I'd probably do the same, spending it on a meal out would feel strange to me tbh. I'm sure your intentions with wanting him to enjoy a bit of the money for himself and your family are good and well intended OP, but money is SUCH a sensitive subject. Personally I'd let him crack on with the lifetime ISA, sounds sensible and better for you all in the long run.

derxa

I've inherited from my brother, mother, father and aunts and uncles. My DH from his DM. A lot of money over the years but I miss these people terribly. Can't you just give all this a bit of a rest. it's unseemly.

that's quite nasty actually, derxa. OP has repeatedly said she suggested her DH spend a bit of money on himself or their DS.

You are used to inheriting money and may have bucketloads, but OP may not be. I think you talking about all your money is wuite unsemly, actually.

*quite unseemly

kimanda I think it’s unhelpfully inaccurate to say that actually. Both I and DP have been through divorces recently. DP ex claimed her inheritance was ring fenced and DP accepted that (under some pressure from her and the mediator). It didn’t seem relevant though that he had paid the majority of the mortgage. Inheritances do seem to get “special” treatment (albeit legally they shouldn’t , but most cases get sorted at mediation not in courts)

Similarly my ex tried to claim he should get the majority of the equity in the house because “his” money had bought it. This despite the fact that his bonuses could only be ringfenced for a house deposit because I was paying the majority of the rent and all bills from my salary.

I think it’s bad advice (particularly for sahm) to let them think they have a half claim over these things as in a divorce mediation you are led to feel quite differently. (I made it pretty clear in mine how aborrrent that interpretation of “our” assets was, but then I’m a lawyer so probably better placed than many to argue back).

No it doesn't. Inherited money does not belong to a person's spouse. The spouse may have a claim on this money under English law if they split up but when inherited the money belongs to the person named in the will. It's just not as simple as people are saying.

Vivienne is correct - in the case of a divorce, the money would be split as an asset, but legally it's her husbands now because he was left it. OP has no claim to it of her own unless they divorce.

Although I think this was solved a long time ago when someone asked if it was a joint account - if it was, the money in there all belongs to MIL now. She can then put conditions on it.

Thinking about it from another angle. I’m putting money into savings each month to help my children with uni/ house deposit when they are older. I would be pretty disappointed if their partner was persuading them to fritter that money away on computer games

No Vivienne is not correct.

Some terrible advice on here. And from people claiming to be lawyers too.

Oh dear.

Get proper legal advice OP. FFS don't take any notice of what some people are saying on here.

There’s a differencekimanda between what the law strictly is and what happens in mediation sessions. I have no idea whether we should be “ok” with that or not, but it certainly seems to be a common one. I’m not a specialist in family law but I have experienced divorce and my experience was quite different from the trite “all assets are 50/50 ina marriage” I see quoted here all the time. I think it is naive for people to think the law is that simplistic. Plus, day to day, morality/ family/ decency are more generally relevant in terms of how we approach a spouse’s inheritance. There needs to be sensitivity, where possible,
To the wishes of the relative
Op would be ill advised to get legal advice over her potential entitlement to £10K inheritance. That would be v grasping.

No Vivienne is not correct.

Can you explain why? I understood that to be correct but I'd be interested in correcting my knowledge if I'm wrong!

Thanks.

Like I said, I would, possibly strongly, encourage my child to do something worthwhile with the money myself. At the end of the day though, unless the will stipulates how the money is to be spent, your in laws need to accept, if they don't already, that your husband is an adult and they don't have the final say in what he does with it. If my partner inherited money I would be unhappy if he went all Gollum on me. Yes it's his inheritance, but you are in partnership, so it's hurtful and strange to cut you out of the decision making process. When you inherited money you shared and I'm assuming he didn't have a problem helping you spend it? Obviously it was a far smaller sum, but he's still being a little hypocritical behaving this way.

Kimanda, the OP hasn't said where she lives, but Scottish law is very clear that gifts and inheritances are not matrimonial property.

I'd be interested to hear on what basis you are so convinced that the OP does have a right to 50% of the money left to her DH by his grandmother.