Husband's inheritance

[samanthajonespr]

My husband's grandma died a few weeks ago and left some money to each of her grandchildren (10k). My in laws are being very controlling about the money and are keeping it in trust rather than letting them all have their share. Husband's been told that he has to put it in ISAs for the sole purpose of saving towards a house deposit otherwise he can't have it. (Those lifetime ISA setups where you declare it's for a house and then you get 25% added by the government)
I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old, he's got a decent job but money's still tight with only 1 income coming in. We have a small amount of debt and could do with moving to a house that doesn't have damp and has a proper garden for our child.
Since all this has happened, my husband has gone weird and cagey if the subject comes up. I suggested that out of the 10k we keep a little bit back and he maybe treats himself, puts some away for our son or we have a nice day out or something. I know that the deposit is very important to have but we have nowhere near enough to put down and we'll only have to save and add to it anyway. When I suggested it he said "I knew you'd do this, I knew you'd try and get me to keep the money", I'm really surprised because he's acting like Gollum and he's cutting me out of it all. My name won't be anywhere near any of it, eg. a joint savings account and I feel like this in just in case I turn into a gold digger and divorce him over half of his inheritance! If I was a gold digger, I really didn't choose my mark very well...
I share everything I get, when my grandma died she didn't have much and it was shared between 5 children and 7 grandchildren so I got a couple of hundred quid. I used it to get us both some new clothes and a nice meal out because she was all about enjoying yourself while you're still here. It hurts because of the principle. I don't want his money, I just to be included. Am I in the wrong here?

Legally his parents can't withhold the money from him - it's a criminal offence. So he can do what he likes with it; and I agree with him, lifetime ISA is the way to go.

He wants to save it and he's using his parents as an excuse.

@Bluntness100 wtf? Where did that come from?! What a boring thing to lie about!! His Grandma had to sell her house and go into a nursing home, his mum shared an account with her and was in charge of all her finances anyway. From what they've said, they already have access to the money

Presumably then the will says something along the lines of £x divided equally amongst my grandchildren.well that’s what happens. Your DH gets his share, unfettered by his parents. Personally although DH and I have separate finances we have always decided what to do with inheritances jointly.

BG2015 the DH is a grandkid, so it is up to him.

It wont be in a trust. 🤨

@Creambun2 no, both working class and grew up without 2 pennies to rub together

his mum shared an account with her and was in charge of all her finances

Was it a joint account?

@ExFury yes, I think she was added on to it after she had a stroke and couldn't take care of everything anymore

Op. It's illegal what you're suggesting, the estate will go through probate and then the funds allocated at per the will. The mum can't control it or keep it. It's illegal. Are you saying the mother is taking the money out her dead parents estate and doing as she pleases with it? This is illegal.

And why the angry reaction?

Bluntness is right though - unless there is something very specific in the will.

Providing you're planning to buy, put it in one of those ISAs, no questions; it's free money FFS! You'd be daft to do anything else IMO.

If his parents are just trying to uphold the intention of the GM, and your dh is happy to go along with that, then I don't really think it's your place to try and change things. You say you want him to decide, but it sounds like you only want him to decide if he agrees with you. He has already decided, and he's happy with thinking he's got something to go towards a house. You are married, so you would be included if the money were to be spent on that.

Bluntness100

How do you know? If my parents die their money is going into trust for me and same for my kids. Its administered by the trustees. There's sound financial reasons for doing that. There will be written in the grounds for disbanding the trust. The OP actually says its being held in trust by the parents.

*BG2015
If it's £10k for the grandkids that seems pretty clear cut to me. It's for them, not you (or your DH)

If you did 'borrow' from it would you be paying that money back when your child comes to buy a house?*

It's her DH's grandma who died and left her DH the £10,000, he's the deceased ladies grandson not the OPs child. You want to read the OP properly before you go off on one.

Honestly, OP I wouldn't ask about inheritances here, especially if it's not you personally who are the recipient because you are very likely going to get torn to shreds. Some here go a bit weird over this subject.

You've already been basically told to get your lazy arse back to work if you want money, been accused of wanting your kids money, had it insinuated you're silly with money and that's just for starters.

I personally don't think you are bring unreasonable to at least expect to have your say over what are your own families finances, you are after all a couple. For your DH to think his parents have the right to dictate what he does with his inheritance but your opinion means nothing must be quite hurtful.

My DH is about to inherit a significant sum of money. I do consider that it is his family money so he has the key say in what happens to it.
Similarly when I inherited a smaller sum it was spent in consultation but final decision was mine.

I think you are being hugely irresponsible to be honest.

You clearly have very little money and have been given a generous sum to put towards a deposit. With the ISA cash, you'll actually end up with 25% cash back. Several banks offer 5% deposits so unless you live in the middle of London, I would be very surprised that you couldn't get a mortgage.

The fact that you think keeping some aside for a 'nice day out' and a treat for your husband shows a lot about your priorities.

I think your husband agrees with his DM that this is the best idea for the money but obviously doesn't want to tell you as you've already started mentally spending the money.

@Bluntness100 sorry, I thought you were accusing me of making up the situation. In the will it says something alone the lines of "£10k to all my grandchildren" that actual specific amount. My husband seems to think that there's nothing about it being in trust. They're very controlling and weird about money. I didn't know it was illegal but they've bought themselves a new kitchen this week whereas they had no spare money before so make of that what you will

If it's held in trust there will be a number of trustees, not just the mum.

So I'm assuming then the gram set up a trust fund and said all the money from thr joint account for the ops partner had to go into that and the sister could have it? It has to be the grans intentions, not the mums. She cannot simply take the money out of the account and do what she pleases with it as she had power of attorney when she was alive.

The executors can't make stipulations. That money is his to do with as he pleases and his parents can't dictate differently. He should of course discuss it with you, his wife, and in your position I'd be advising him to pay off the debt and save the rest, maybe having spent a small amount on something frivolous like a night out together on the beers, or tickets to a show/sporting event - whatever you're into.

"His" inheritance is 50% yours. The parents cannot rule you out. Neither can they make decisions where it goes other than directly to your husband (and, hence, you too). Shame your husband is in a bad place at the moment (understandable, of course). But the two of you have to determine the best way to make use of this windfall. It usually is recommended to spend a little to soften the blow and invest the rest. You are on the right track. let your husband come round and then tackle his parents as they are being unreasonable. It's not theirs to control.

Your DH needs to get a copy of the will quick smart! And then ensure that the executors do things by the book... His parents can’t dictate any terms and conditions, though a trust may well have been set up.

I think it’s normal for families to share money. Your DH sounds pretty mean to me!

The money was left for the grandchildren not you.

Put the money away and forget about it, it is not your concern, butt out.

Hang fire, they’ve just spent money on a new kitchen? Which we assume came from the estate? And none of this has been done on the record? I smell a rat. A sizable rat!

Op, cross posted,

I assumed no trust, the account should have been frozen on her death, all assets brought together, all debts paid, and what's left allocated as per the will. That's the law. If you're saying rhe mother continued to spend the grans money after her death that's quite a serious allegation or even have withdrawn the funds and deciding what to do with them prior to probate. That's some really dodgy shit.

I was insinuating your husband has agreed this is what should happen to thr money when he gets it and is not being up front with you. He is allowed and this is his choice.

ounds like he is in cahoots with his parents about keeping the money for himsel. I would let him put it in in an ISA and get proof. Then divorce him and get half

Divorce doesn’t really work like that. But even if it did, solicitor’s fees will cost the £5k or her half of the money. Assuming she got half. And she might not.