Husband's inheritance

[samanthajonespr]

My husband's grandma died a few weeks ago and left some money to each of her grandchildren (10k). My in laws are being very controlling about the money and are keeping it in trust rather than letting them all have their share. Husband's been told that he has to put it in ISAs for the sole purpose of saving towards a house deposit otherwise he can't have it. (Those lifetime ISA setups where you declare it's for a house and then you get 25% added by the government)
I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old, he's got a decent job but money's still tight with only 1 income coming in. We have a small amount of debt and could do with moving to a house that doesn't have damp and has a proper garden for our child.
Since all this has happened, my husband has gone weird and cagey if the subject comes up. I suggested that out of the 10k we keep a little bit back and he maybe treats himself, puts some away for our son or we have a nice day out or something. I know that the deposit is very important to have but we have nowhere near enough to put down and we'll only have to save and add to it anyway. When I suggested it he said "I knew you'd do this, I knew you'd try and get me to keep the money", I'm really surprised because he's acting like Gollum and he's cutting me out of it all. My name won't be anywhere near any of it, eg. a joint savings account and I feel like this in just in case I turn into a gold digger and divorce him over half of his inheritance! If I was a gold digger, I really didn't choose my mark very well...
I share everything I get, when my grandma died she didn't have much and it was shared between 5 children and 7 grandchildren so I got a couple of hundred quid. I used it to get us both some new clothes and a nice meal out because she was all about enjoying yourself while you're still here. It hurts because of the principle. I don't want his money, I just to be included. Am I in the wrong here?

I don't think you can set up an official legal trust for an adult unless there is a reason they are not able to have normal adult responsiblity for their finances. I sounds like your MIL is simply being bossy about what he does with it but she won't actually have any official legal control to do this. He could simply refuse and claim the money due to him without condition.
It does however sound like he is happy to go along with her ideas but whilst trying to tell you he has no choice.

His parents have took that money and spent it and are now telling him he didn’t deserve it and making him feel guilty for asking about it.
He is embarrassed, angry and guilty which is making him behave like this.
That’s my take on things anyway .

In my household all money is family money. Inheritance, wages, bonuses. It’s interesting to see how others view inheritance.

I think he actually should be discussing how to spend/save it with op.

If it's in a joint account with your mil then it's not actually part of the estate and doesn't need probate for the mil to spend it. It's hers. Which then is likely why she feels she can put stipulations on it. Morally is a different case of course.

So all her money is in fil and mils bank account. Was there a Will that stated 10k to be given to each grandchild. Or was it just something they spoke about but never put in writing. Power of Attorney ceases when someone dies so that is irrelevant as others have said. Mil needs to contact the office of the public guardian to tell them she has died and they will cancel poa.

Anything that comes into the marriage is owned equally. That means a windfall or an inheritance. That's what being married means.

Well, that's not how it is here, so I guess I'm not really married.

I can see merit in the lifetime ISA, but do you have a 3-6 month savings cushion OP? You really should have that before you tie up money in a way that is hard/impossible to access. Also, try raising 'tax issues' as the reason that the money must be held in your OH's name. He should be earning any interest and paying any tax, not his parents. Also if anything happened to them it would be v confusing.

@NeverTwerkNaked I really do understand and appreciate what you're saying and this is an amazing opportunity for us. The issue is me being left out. I was brought up to treat all
money as family money and that's how we have been all through our marriage and even before. Also his mum should give him the freedom to choose. We appreciate every penny we get that's spare so we wouldn't have pissed it away even if he's just been given it as a lump sum. Buying a house is our next goal

Not all inheritance form part of the marital pot so don't have to be shared in the case of divorce.

As already mentioned.... l suspect that some of the grandchildrens money has been spent on the kitchen. I don't think your DH will ever see any of it.

I'm in your DH's position. My grandmother died a few years ago and there is an understanding that each grandchild is to have an equal sum of money from the estate. It's not written in the will, it's a joint decision made by my Dad and my Aunt who have said to us that we can have the money when we have something to spend it on - such as a house deposit or some kind of sensible investment. None of us are irresponsible with money, but it's important to them to know that is being used wisely. I imagine this is what your DH's family think too.

I see nothing wrong with this arrangement, it merely asks that I take a considered approach in deciding when to spend the money and what to spend it on. My OH wouldn't dream of telling me what to do with my inheritance and I'd never feel it was my place to suggest ways that he might spend his. We'll discuss it and very likely spend it together, but the final decision will be with me for my inheritance and him for his. I'd back off if I were you. You'll come across as bring quite grabby if you make a fuss about this.

@TefalTester123 yes, we have a savings cushion. That's why money is tight because we save what we don't spend on nursery fees, rent etc. Husband has inherited tightness with money from his parents. He worries about every receipt and bank statement

*being

I just feel that all finances (in my geriatric mind) are joint. If I was with someone, had children, home and a life together and they chose to ignore me regarding choices of how to spend money then I’d doubt their commitment to me as an individual.
Your are a joint enterprise - isn’t that not why people marry ?

Your answer is in your post title.

Is the money already in an ISA? Because those help to buy ISAs don't allow you to make one big deposit. You pay in monthly- up to £1000 (or something similar) in the first month, and £200 a month after. It would take quite a while to build up £10000.

Ooh @flutterbyee
What’s the point in marrying then if you’re just single people with separate finances ?

Mumsnet is crackers sometimes.

It isn't reality.

If you share, money, life and a home in every sense. Why wouldn't you see inheritance that way.

The law does! It's all in the pot to be decided upon.

I despair sometimes.

Op you are not grabby, greedy or needing to get off the couch. You have a valid point and it should be a family decision.

Bluntness is also correct- wtf do inlaws get to dictate? Unless they have been left the full capital.

To me it sound like your husband is just avoiding a confrontation with you because he'd like the money in a LISA and you'd like to fritter at least some of it away.

The money was left for the grandchildren not you.

Put the money away and forget about it, it is not your concern, butt out.

What a disgusting way of thinking. What a joyous family life if you think like that.

Families share!

@aharddaysnight we did some research after we found out he was getting some money and we found something about lifetime ISAs which you pay £4000 a year into and get 25% from government, as a previous poster said, he was going to do it either side of the tax year (my suggestion) and the remaining £2000 will go into a savings account in his name only

@physicsisfun1 - totally agree
OP you are correct
You share your life, home, love, family and the financial part is inclusive.

I've read the full thread - OP you should listen to Bluntness 100 who I think has interpreted this correctly

I just feel that all finances (in my geriatric mind) are joint.

I also FEEL that finances are joint. But the law feels differently. That's why I asked what the law is.

I love the terminology of ‘fritter’
Codswalop
It must be alarming op when you think you know someone and they go all weird about money though. I’d be inclined to leave him to it and just watch.

@Gardai we really do share everything. We were poor students living 200 miles away from our hometown and learned how to budget together. 10 years on, we still share everything. So it has been a bit of a shock. Also that he's just doing as his parents ask and excluding me. I really, really don't want to 'fritter', I just want him to be happy