Husband's inheritance

[samanthajonespr]

My husband's grandma died a few weeks ago and left some money to each of her grandchildren (10k). My in laws are being very controlling about the money and are keeping it in trust rather than letting them all have their share. Husband's been told that he has to put it in ISAs for the sole purpose of saving towards a house deposit otherwise he can't have it. (Those lifetime ISA setups where you declare it's for a house and then you get 25% added by the government)
I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old, he's got a decent job but money's still tight with only 1 income coming in. We have a small amount of debt and could do with moving to a house that doesn't have damp and has a proper garden for our child.
Since all this has happened, my husband has gone weird and cagey if the subject comes up. I suggested that out of the 10k we keep a little bit back and he maybe treats himself, puts some away for our son or we have a nice day out or something. I know that the deposit is very important to have but we have nowhere near enough to put down and we'll only have to save and add to it anyway. When I suggested it he said "I knew you'd do this, I knew you'd try and get me to keep the money", I'm really surprised because he's acting like Gollum and he's cutting me out of it all. My name won't be anywhere near any of it, eg. a joint savings account and I feel like this in just in case I turn into a gold digger and divorce him over half of his inheritance! If I was a gold digger, I really didn't choose my mark very well...
I share everything I get, when my grandma died she didn't have much and it was shared between 5 children and 7 grandchildren so I got a couple of hundred quid. I used it to get us both some new clothes and a nice meal out because she was all about enjoying yourself while you're still here. It hurts because of the principle. I don't want his money, I just to be included. Am I in the wrong here?

I don’t think the law has anything to do with OP’s scenario. She’s not going in that direction.
Just must be shite to think you know someone and then a scenario presents itself whereby you have to question everything.
No the end of the world.
Am sure op will be ok and I’m sure she know what his family was like.

Is it possibly the case that rather than it being specified in the will that each grandchild gets £10k, it is actually your MIL who is the executor of the will and all money has been left to her, but it was discussed with GMIL that each grandchild would get £10k.

If it is the latter, then your MIL has no legal obligation to stick to what was discussed (unfortunately)

I only know this because that's how it worked for my DM's will. She left everything to me and asked me to gift specific amounts to people. The solicitor advised that I wasn't legally obligated to carry out the request as it wasn't in her will, but it was a moral obligation for me

If it actually was a proper joint account and not just an account where another person is added as a nominee or has a POA registered, then it does muddy the waters somewhat. That money legally would become the mother's - though it gets messy if something then happened to the PILs. She may feel more rights in regard to that part of money than if she had to access it as an executor but it does sound as if she will release it according to the wishes, but what she deems to be a sensible manner. It's a sort of hypothetical trust - she is ring fencing the money within the larger amount. She shouldn't but she has and I think the son is quite happy to go along with it - maybe she doesn't know about the debt, which should be a priority to pay off before putting into the ISA and certainly before any treats.

@samanthajonespr
Sorry I didn’t mean to refer to you as ‘frittering’ - I was referring to a previous poster.
I like frittering
I’m good at it

I think you are being quite cheeky trying to dictate how he spends this money especially as he is being very sensible about it. Not sure I'd believe the tale about having to put it in some sort of ISA. He's probably saying that to stop you frittering it away. It's his money not yours.

I believe what a precious poster said is correct. If your MIL had a joint account with her mother, rather than power of attorney, then the money in that account would legally hers now, so maybe that's partly why she is more involved with the money?

This may be unpopular, but if my child was inheriting 10k I would be encouraging them to put it towards something significant too. It would take most people quite a long time to save up such a sum, so I would want my child to put it to good use and not squander it. If you really just want to buy a game and go for meal though, that would maybe be £100ish, so a small amount like that isn't going to make a big difference. Unless you actually want to spend hundreds more? Is it a case that your husband resents you spending £100, or is he under the impression you want to spend significantly more?

@Gardai I know what you meant, I was also responding to a previous poster's use of the word

Well let him be ‘all sensible’ about it.
Dear god, if I actually was arsed marrying my OH and then all this kind of shit happened I’d definately ltb.
Seriously though, it isn’t a ltb matter but since when has a married person lost their ability to be part of a marriage ?
Anyone look up the definition of marriage ?

You are in a rental and want to spend a portion of the money on a new rental and a day out when it could go towards a house of your own?? Not sensible OP.

The answers here that say that you are unreasonable are infuriating me.
For goodness sake, your baby is only two and would benefit way more from a garden now than a pitiful amount to put towards a deposit on a mythical house 20 years into the future.
Try and find a way to convince your husband of that fact. Not meaning to be dark but, tomorrow is not promised to any of us never mind the next 20 years

I’d also be happy if my child spent her money going to San Francisco and doing weird shit...but being happy.
Oh hold on- perhaps she’d be better putting it in an isa and staying in payroll ?

@Eveforever I wasn't even thinking that much. I don't want to spend it, I was just making suggestions to him. He's obviously been under a lot of stress. We've had a lot happen to us recently and his grandma passing away was the cherry on top, all I want is for him to be happy. It's his mum I'm pissed off at more than him.
There'll be no frittering, I'm really starting to hate that word

Why would any gold digger waste her time trying to hang on to a man for a poxy fucking ten grand?

Is he serious?!

He sounds like a twat. Sorry OP. You need to start looking into earning/obtaining your own money. He is not interested in looking after you long term. Look after yourself and your kids. Fuck him.

Op my dh and I were also 'poor students together and have always pooled our money. However I respect the fact that the money a grandparent or parent leaves as an inheritance is (usually) the result of hard work and/or sacrifice. Therefore I don't feel it's the right of a non-blood relative to have a say in how it's spent.

@samanthajones pr And why are you apologising to bluntness, she WAS accusing you of making it up (on page 1.)

Your attitude is a bit odd OP.

Have you (well, your dp) seen the actual will? Do you know who the other executors are, how much money was left to your dp's parents, if the sum involved is big enough to need to go through probate, what legal advice has been sought and if they are getting any help with sorting the estate out?

It might be worth posting in Legal to find out what the correct procedure for all these things is - even things like finding out if the bank account should be closed down if it was the gran's account with the mum having power of attorney access or if it was a joint account that all became hers on the gran's death (I don't know what the answer is - just know there could be a difference!)

If you can find out the proper procedure that should have happened, then it will be much easier to talk it through with your dh and for him to talk to his parents to ensure that he gets what is rightfully his, instead of ending up using his inheritance to buy his dps a kitchen instead of putting into a deposit for a house of his own...

aharddaysnight we did some research after we found out he was getting some money and we found something about lifetime ISAs which you pay £4000 a year into and get 25% from government, as a previous poster said, he was going to do it either side of the tax year (my suggestion) and the remaining £2000 will go into a savings account in his name only

Are you sure, OP? Like ahardday I thought you could only put £200 per month into the ISA, not thousands in one lump sum.

@derxa why?

Oh recently came into a bit of money and he didn’t even question anything. It was our money and I certainly wouldn’t treat it as such but he totally shared it. Perhaps that’s why this is striking a chord with me. He’s by far the most perfect example of a male btw.
I don’t think you are wrong op.

@Lacucuracha www.gov.uk/lifetime-isa
I'm doubting myself that I've interpreted this correctly!

I haven't rtft... so forgive me if it's already been said... but, he can't put the whole 10k into a lifetime ISA, he's only allowed to invest 4k a year in a Lifetime ISA (20k a year in total across other types of ISA). But you could both get a lifetime ISA (assuming you're both under 40) and put 8k of it away into lifetime ISA, to get two "lots" of the government bonus (you only get the bonus if buying a first home, or for retirement - if you withdraw the cash for any other reason except terminal illness, you get a 25% penalty, which could mean you get back less than you put in), but he'd have to trust you not to run off with neat half of his inheritance. But he can't just put £10k into a lifetime ISA in one "go". Although... if he gets his skates on, he could benefit from the tax year rolling over very very soon (6th April), and deposit 4k now and another 4k after 6th April... but he'd have to move FAST.

Why are people stating that the money is the OP's HUSBAND'S money?

They are married. It's 50% hers.

Kimanda not really. People in marriages are entitled to some money of their own.

It was a legacy....her name wasn't on that will.

If my husband inherited money, I would expect to defer to his wishes...he would always ask me what I thought about what he should do with it but I wouldn't call it half mine.

And if I inherited, he wouldn't say it was half his.

this is not the same as earnings...it is a gift. Same as if my Mother gives me a hundred pounds as a present...it's for me.

Legally inheritance is a joint asset.

I was quite gleeful when my horrid uncle had to give half of his to his ex wife as she put in a claim (4 years after the divorce i might add) but inky because he was a horrid greedy person.