Husband's inheritance

[samanthajonespr]

My husband's grandma died a few weeks ago and left some money to each of her grandchildren (10k). My in laws are being very controlling about the money and are keeping it in trust rather than letting them all have their share. Husband's been told that he has to put it in ISAs for the sole purpose of saving towards a house deposit otherwise he can't have it. (Those lifetime ISA setups where you declare it's for a house and then you get 25% added by the government)
I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old, he's got a decent job but money's still tight with only 1 income coming in. We have a small amount of debt and could do with moving to a house that doesn't have damp and has a proper garden for our child.
Since all this has happened, my husband has gone weird and cagey if the subject comes up. I suggested that out of the 10k we keep a little bit back and he maybe treats himself, puts some away for our son or we have a nice day out or something. I know that the deposit is very important to have but we have nowhere near enough to put down and we'll only have to save and add to it anyway. When I suggested it he said "I knew you'd do this, I knew you'd try and get me to keep the money", I'm really surprised because he's acting like Gollum and he's cutting me out of it all. My name won't be anywhere near any of it, eg. a joint savings account and I feel like this in just in case I turn into a gold digger and divorce him over half of his inheritance! If I was a gold digger, I really didn't choose my mark very well...
I share everything I get, when my grandma died she didn't have much and it was shared between 5 children and 7 grandchildren so I got a couple of hundred quid. I used it to get us both some new clothes and a nice meal out because she was all about enjoying yourself while you're still here. It hurts because of the principle. I don't want his money, I just to be included. Am I in the wrong here?

If we are looking at a simple situation where the grandmother has left a sum to each grandchild and your MIL (or someone else) is executor then the executor has absolutely no right to impose any conditions upon the release of the money. This is unlawful and fucked up.

In any event I don’t think that the money could be paid straight into an ISA by the executor. It would have to be paid into an account in your husband’s name and then he would open the ISA. So all he has to do is pay lip service to whatever his mother is suggesting so that she pays it out to him, and it’s then up to him to decide how to invest it. She can do nothing whatsoever about it.

I think you're being unreasonable. Your husband's grandma died only a couple of weeks ago, his parents are possibly being unreasonable re. inheritance and you're trying to make it about you (being cut out and excluded from the decision, when it seems it's not even been your husband's decision anyway).

You said your husband has been 'ground down' by his grandma's long illness, I imagine the last thing he wants right now is an argument with either his parents or you about money. He's probably emotionally exhausted.

What would his Grandma have wanted him to do with the money? Are his parents actually just trying to ensure her wishes are carried out - whether or not they're legally over-reaching (which depends on the actual set up of the will)? Or would his Grandma have really wanted him to have some fun with (some of) the money?

For me if I were to inherit some money it would be really important to me to use it in a fashion which respected the wishes of the person who'd left it to me - whether they were someone who really wanted to give me some financial stability, or someone who wanted me to do something fun.

Either way, he's not suggesting something massively irresponsible, but something which long-term will benefit your whole family. I think it's a sensible decision. Even if you and he ultimately decide you want to use some of it for a treat - there's no rush to do that, let him grieve for his Grandma first and then re-open the question, when he's in a position emotionally to actually enjoy it and get joy from her memory rather than when he's trying to recover. Practically speaking you won't be able to lock away the full 10k in a LISA immediately anyway, so there's no rush to make the decision. I think you should leave the topic well alone for now and focus on giving him whatever practical or emotional support he needs to deal with his parents and the loss of his Grandma. Given that you've said you normally have a good, equal, relationship, I think if he is being at all unreasonable now, it's probably to do with the stress of the whole situation and given a bit of time and space he'll be more open to discussing it with you.

It sounds to me more like it's an issue with your in-laws rather than with your husband. But when they and your husband are so recently bereaved, now's not really the time to make a fuss about that.

I know nothing needs to be done immediately op - but the last day of the tax year is on the 5th april which means if your dp doesn't already have an isa for this year (not sure if it also works on the homebuyer isa) he could open one on or before the 5th and then another one on the 6th or later for the new tax year. So if he wants (or his parents want!) him to tie money up in isas, now is an excellent time to at least get this year's allowance used up and then you don't have to rush for next year's allowance and you can usually transfer old isas into new ones so long as it is done properly (need to check with the individual terms and conditions and I'm not a financial person).

Lalala yes I used to work in a bank dealing with deceased accounts and a joint account when one party was deceased was automatically amended to the sole name(s) of the survivor(s) upon production of a death cert. As stated when these accounts are opened or people added it should be made clear what a joint account entails and do they want any particular instructions on it. It is better that the person wanting to help manage the account be given a separate mandate on the account allowing them to operate the account but is cancelled when the account holder is deceased and the account is then frozen becoming part of the estate. I have this on my mum's account and it works perfectly well. If these were the only monies in the estate then there would be no need to extract probate. Though we always had to advise solicitors of these accounts when they wrote to us for details of all assets held this was for the benefit of HMRC I believe. Solicitors sometimes also asked the date the account opened and when it became joint.

Looking on law firm websites, it's not always as simple as that - if all the money in the account was actually the grandmother's, with mil inly added to help manage it but not contribute to it, it can be contested that the money should not automatically pass by the rule of survivorship to the remaining account holder.

The contestor would have to prove that that's what the grandmother wanted, despite her not setting up a specific account (they are available) that meant the money was only hers and the MIL was just a money manager. That would cost more than the 10k in question I'd bet.

I'd bet it would cost more, too! Hence taking the path of least resistance if this has happened. It sounds like the intention is to hand some money over and if it's coming from what was a joint account, then the mil may well be claiming it is hers to add her own stipulations to (whilst sort of doing what grandma wanted, because she knows the money wasn't actually all intended for her, really). Not much anyone else can do about it if they don't want family arguments and to spend money on proper legal advice. At the least, they need to check whether or not there was a will, who the executors are (in case not actually mil), and whether the death certificate has been passed on to the bank to confirm the death. The executors should also be checking whether there were any other assets or debts and paying any tax owing.