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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should have introduced themselves?

365 replies

Uhuhhoney · 24/03/2018 23:44

Ive just moved into a new houseshare.

When i was moving my stuff in i heard one of the flatmates rummaging in the kitchen so i went downstairs and she scuttled back to her (downstairs) room. Hmm i thought... anyway, i was then making food this evening and hwr boyfriend came in and said im Courtneys boyfriend (me having no idea who she is). They're now chatting really fucking loudly downstairs and i feel like it would be awkward to go and make a brew.

Aibu to think shes been rude to deliberately ignore her only (new) flatmate!

OP posts:
frasier · 24/03/2018 23:46

Yes it's rude. She may be shy. No excuse, she's an adult, but it may be a reason.
Go and make a brew and find out!

Puffycat · 24/03/2018 23:49

Yes it could have been shyness. Make the brew and maybe pop yer head round an say ‘hi I’m honey, we missed each other earlier, want a cuppa?’
She might be rude but you don’t want to let this turn into a thing when you’ve just moved in. You’ve got to live with this bird!

LeighaJ · 24/03/2018 23:49

Yep rude.

LeighaJ · 24/03/2018 23:50

And being shy doesn't excuse rudeness, she's an adult so should act like one.

Kintan · 24/03/2018 23:53

I wouldn’t necessarily assume she was being rude - she may have just not been in a state to want to meet you at that moment - face mask on or only half dressed or something. Also why shouldn’t they be chatting in the kitchen? Just go down and say hi :)

SD1978 · 24/03/2018 23:56

If you let this fester, it’s going to be harder. You don’t k ow her motivation for not saying hi earlier, you can only choose how to go on. Head down, make a cups, say hi. If she’s rude or ignores you- you have your answer. If she’s friendly, then it’s all good.

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 25/03/2018 00:01

So as i was walking down the stairs she went to her room leaving her boyfriend in kitchen. You can hear everything in this house so im kinda convinced shes avoiding me

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 25/03/2018 00:07

But aren't you behaving exactly like she did?

It was odd of her to scuttle away, but it's also odd of you to avoid going into your own kitchen just because there are two people talking in there, however loudly. Adding that 'fucking' to that sentence makes you sound aggressive. If you want to make friends, you need to turn that aggression right down. Don't get off on the wrong foot by over-reacting.

She may be a horrible flatmate. Or she may be fine. Or she may be someone a bit irritating but you can tolerate. Or she may turn out to be a brilliant but slightly eccentric lifetime friend. One interaction is not enough to tell.

frasier · 25/03/2018 00:09

Have you met her at all? When you looked around the place?

AjasLipstick · 25/03/2018 00:13

Is she young? I was like this when I first moved out of home....just horribly shy and anxious.

ThanksForAllTheFish · 25/03/2018 00:13

Sounds like there is something going on you don’t know about. Maybe she is unhappy to have a new flat mate but was outvoted by everyone else. Maybe she is uncomfortable living in the same house as someone she doesn’t know.

It could be shyness but I think it sounds like more than that. I don’t think it’s because she doesn’t like you (she’s never met you) but it does sound like she is avoiding you. Maybe ask the boyfriend if everything is ok and he might give you some insight into what’s wrong.

Rollonweekend · 25/03/2018 00:20

Meh - she was rude. You are the new person moving in so she should have welcomed you and introduced herself. That’s basic manners. Not hard, even for a shy person.

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 25/03/2018 00:21

I am a year younger than her. Didnt meet her first time round as she cancelled the viewing and then second time round was at work.

Maybe its just because I've been used to houseshares with friendly people. I know that when new people moved in in my last houses id knock on their door to introduce myself, or if i heard them downstairs go down and say hi ...

OP posts:
himalayansalt · 25/03/2018 00:23

How could anyone want to live in the same house as someone they've never even met before?

Onlyoldontheoutside · 25/03/2018 00:25

How do you not know people you are house sharing with?

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 25/03/2018 00:26

Very usual to do this in London...

OP posts:
mojito55 · 25/03/2018 00:26

I kid you not, I have lived in a house of 11 people since September and I've not met 2 of them. There are 2 kitchens, so I just haven't bumped into them. A lot of HMOs are just like that, everyone keeps to themselves.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 25/03/2018 00:27

Himalayan, many people have no choice, given the inflated costs of renting and buying.
Surely you can see that????

Deshasafraisy · 25/03/2018 00:30

Ffs. Grow up! There’s a million reasons why she didn’t immediately introduce herself. Just get on with it. Go say hi.

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 25/03/2018 00:33

If she hasn't introduced herself im assuming she doesn't want me following her round the house trying to say hi. I think its pretty juvenile to do that in fact. But thanks for your input Smile

OP posts:
DairyisClosed · 25/03/2018 00:34

Maybe she's come down with this weird virus that everyone has and doesn't want to infect you/has a disgusting rash that she is embarrassed about? I really doubt she would avoid you without reason. That would be really weird.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/03/2018 02:01

Tbh,I think it’s not as bad or sinister as you think.for whatever reason Courtney isn’t in a talk to new flatmate mood
And she’s not obliged to talk either.maybe she’s had a long week or just wants to be with bf
None of this impacts upon your flat-share.i hope you settle quickly & are happy

Mynewnameforabit · 25/03/2018 02:07

How could anyone want to live in the same house as someone they've never even met before?
Someone always shows up and says this! Not everyone gets to interview existing residents and pick and choose based on checking them - an agent may show you round when they're out, and you either take it, or someone else will!
Also, you've highlighted why the flatmate is not being super friendly - she has had someone imposed on her, and may feel a bit that she never asked for this person in her flat and as if its an intrusion (even if she knows logically that a flatmate was inevitable).

cherrytomato51 · 25/03/2018 02:13

Be the bigger person OP. Offer to make a cup of tea or coffee. If she says, yes, great. Make her a drink and hopefully have a chat. If she says No, then fine. Dont offer anything again. You will have done your bit, ball is now in her Court. Sure she may just be shy but that does not mean you have to lick her arse just because she was there before you. If you are paying rent then you have a right to be there!!

Do it now!! XXXX

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/03/2018 02:18

No.dont offer tea,don’t be over keen you’ll look bulgy eyed & desperate
It’s saturday night.your flatmate is with her bf.leave her be
Meet naturally without an agenda.shes your flatmate not your friend