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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should have introduced themselves?

365 replies

Uhuhhoney · 24/03/2018 23:44

Ive just moved into a new houseshare.

When i was moving my stuff in i heard one of the flatmates rummaging in the kitchen so i went downstairs and she scuttled back to her (downstairs) room. Hmm i thought... anyway, i was then making food this evening and hwr boyfriend came in and said im Courtneys boyfriend (me having no idea who she is). They're now chatting really fucking loudly downstairs and i feel like it would be awkward to go and make a brew.

Aibu to think shes been rude to deliberately ignore her only (new) flatmate!

OP posts:
Sakurasnail · 28/03/2018 22:16

How does this spare room house share work? You said she was out for your viewing, so I guess she doesn't really know who she's going to be living with either if landlord/agency took her round? Could the dos and donts be associated with the house/owner rather than her?

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 28/03/2018 22:18

Boyfriend has been here all nights bar tonight.

My boyfriend is staying tomorrow, and will be here half the week probably! Makes me feel like we cant have sex cus my mums in the next room!

Donts also include smoke before coming into the house, use scented candles in the shared area, have the telly on in lounge after 10...

Do respect privacy, ask if you want people to stay, respect the housemates (errr she means her right?)

Too much. Im not thinking shes shy at this point

OP posts:
Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 28/03/2018 22:19

No its a handwritten note signed with her name. Quite worried as just realised this is quite revealing

OP posts:
Eveforever · 28/03/2018 22:21

How about asking to have a house meeting to discuss the dos and donts?!

AnnieAnoniMouser · 28/03/2018 22:22

If it’s not in your lease, it’s not a rule. Quite simple.

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 28/03/2018 22:22

She picked who she wanted the landlord to show round and then picked overall.. it wasnt a case of ME saying yes ill take it.. more like her judging who she wanted (seems odd i know). I didnt really care at the time, were both in same industry, both same age, she seemrd nice in messages, and im pretty easygoing and can make friends easily

OP posts:
YellowFlower201 · 28/03/2018 22:24

Write back. 'Thank you for drawing up the suggested house rules. Let's have a meeting to discuss. I have some ideas myself.'

Sakurasnail · 28/03/2018 22:25

Just because it's handwritten doesn't mean it's not 'houserules' which she's passing on - I doubt she'd keep a file of typed photocopies unless she was the landlord.
Smile
You probably don't have to worry about her reading this, I doubt a large proportion of young women who have yet to think about becoming mums are on here...

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 28/03/2018 22:33

@Sakurasnail

Cant tell if youre trying to make a bitchy comment there, but ill give you the benefit of the doubt.

OP posts:
Sakurasnail · 28/03/2018 22:41

Nah, I'm seriously not. I put a smiley face to try and indicate the attempt to be non offensive. What I said is the way I would be thinking about it, but I think once you have an idea in your head it's more difficult to see other interpretations.

Booboo66 · 28/03/2018 22:44

There are loads of childfree people on mumsnet. I do admit i was a little surprised when I first joined but it’s so common I don’t even question it now!

Sakurasnail · 28/03/2018 22:47

I don't doubt that boo. I specified young ppl who hadn't thought about being a mum, because I think the very name of it is (subliminally) less attractive to ppl who are deliberately /purposefully not interested in having DC at some point iyswim.

Sakurasnail · 28/03/2018 22:49

Unless they're following a link from sm or something on a topic of interest, I guess.

bluebell34567 · 28/03/2018 22:50

it looks like she is trying to keep her distance from you and at the same time trying to instil her rules. she sounds domineering. she is trouble.
'Makes me feel like we cant have sex cus my mums in the next room!
' I don't understand this. will your mum be staying there, too?

Paperthin · 28/03/2018 22:54

The do’s and don’ts are just strange, especially as she has a boyfriend who stays over but you can’t. Is she related to the landlord by any chance?

treacletoffee23 · 28/03/2018 22:57

Is there a chance shes on the Autistic Spectrum?

Areyousureaboutthat · 28/03/2018 23:01

Are you going to ask why her bf stays over if rules state no overnights?

LexieLulu · 28/03/2018 23:05

I'd ask your landlord! This is weird and odd.

How can there be no over night guests bar her boyfriend?

You are paying for the room, if you want someone in it why can't you?

CircleofWillis · 28/03/2018 23:12

I think you are sharing with Sheldon Cooper. “Change is never good!”.

BarbraDear · 28/03/2018 23:16

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. I'd reply on the note that as you both pay the same rent then you're happy to discuss some rules. She sounds awful.

Motoko · 28/03/2018 23:17

Some people just like to keep themselves to themselves.

Then I suggest a houseshare is not for them.

Any house rules should apply to both tenants, so if her boyfriend stays, OP's boyfriend can stay too.

MrMeSeeks · 28/03/2018 23:20

And weird. DD2 has crippling social anxiety but even she would have said, "Hi, I'm IFSAF DD2 these are your kitchen cupboards and these are your shelves in the fridge. I'm usually out by 9am and don't usually return until around 6ish. If there's anything you need to know while I'm not here, I've left my phone number on the table. Please text rather than ring as I find it really hard to speak with strangers as I'm in lectures all day. Hope you settle in ok." Before fleeing to the comfort of her room with palpitations!
Yes, but not everyone is the same Confused

She can’t tell you who you can and cant have staying over.
I’ve hated it, but you can’t dictate who stops over!
Can’t comment on the smoke/candle, that would leave me unable to breathe.
Did she specify non smoker?

aproblemsharedandallthat · 28/03/2018 23:40

Could the landlord be family and forcing her to share the house? Just a thought Smile

Mumto2two · 29/03/2018 00:00

Sounds to me like this young lady simply doesn't want anyone sharing at all. Of course she has to oblige the landlord, as she seems to have done 'choosing' a contender, but beyond that she's simply being downright difficult. And deliberately so it might seem! I certainly wouldn't tolerate that crap. Unless your lease stipulates anything specific, she has no business deciding who does what. And given her obvious unfriendliness this far, I'd be telling her so!

WellThisIsShit · 29/03/2018 00:20

She sounds like a flat mate from hell. Rules would be going in the —bin— drawer to show landlord/ letting agent when she escalates her rude-bitch-queen-of-flatsville routine, and you decide to move out ASAP.

Or perhaps to query in a faux innocent tone now, asking ‘just to check you’ve understood it right’ that moody arse flatmate has her boyfriend living with her but you cannot have anyone staying the night? :)

But then, I’ve lived in many flatshares before and can smell the not so subtle whiff of nightmare bitch on the non-air-conditioned air... these types don’t get better by pacifying, they just annex the —Czech —Republic— airing cupboard and start a Cold War in the fridge door space. Basically, shows your claws a little, firmly and not enough to go into a world war (ignoring any metaphors and similes I may have slid into here!), but enough to show she won’t get any satisfaction from pushing you around either.