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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should have introduced themselves?

365 replies

Uhuhhoney · 24/03/2018 23:44

Ive just moved into a new houseshare.

When i was moving my stuff in i heard one of the flatmates rummaging in the kitchen so i went downstairs and she scuttled back to her (downstairs) room. Hmm i thought... anyway, i was then making food this evening and hwr boyfriend came in and said im Courtneys boyfriend (me having no idea who she is). They're now chatting really fucking loudly downstairs and i feel like it would be awkward to go and make a brew.

Aibu to think shes been rude to deliberately ignore her only (new) flatmate!

OP posts:
PennyDreadfull · 26/03/2018 20:57

YANBU at all OP. Any joy yet?

Sakurasnail · 26/03/2018 21:03

Your expectation of people sounds very low
Not really. You're the one who wants to meet, so I expected you to do something about it instead of complaining on here. Have you?

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 26/03/2018 22:47

@Sakurasnail

Like i said in the posts above, why chase someone who doesnt want social interaction? aibu is for complaining about stuff so why don't you leave the thread if it causes you such annoyance Smile

Nope no joy. I left a note on the kitchen counter, saying id be back from work this afternoon and what my name was etc. Told her to knock on door if she wanted to chat. Note is not on counter, no knock ...

OP posts:
Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 26/03/2018 22:53

Its a two bed flat yeah. Chosen for the specific reason of not wanting a massive drama that are inevitable in large flatshares.

I think its gotten close to the stage of awkwardness. She was downstairs eating wth her boyfriend before, i went down, she webt to her room ...

OP posts:
Fitzsimmons · 26/03/2018 22:57

Could you talk to her boyfriend and ask him what the deal is?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 26/03/2018 23:01

Ha! See how long she keeps it up. I managed to avoid my flat mates at uni for 6 weeks Grin

Sakurasnail · 26/03/2018 23:19

Like i said in the posts above, why chase someone who doesnt want social interaction? aibu is for complaining about stuff so why don't you leave the thread if it causes you such annoyance
I don't care either way, but it's odd you banging on about wanting to meet her but not taking the initiative.

Nope no joy. I left a note on the kitchen counter, saying id be back from work this afternoon and what my name was etc. Told her to knock on door if she wanted to chat. Note is not on counter, no knock ...
So she's either busy, waiting for a more convenient time, or doesn't want to meet you. Go knock on her door and introduce yourself if you want. I don't know why you're making this such a big deal. In the time it takes to write a note you could have knocked and said hi. Job done. By standing back and overanalyzing her behaviour you're probably going to come to an incorrect conclusion which will colour you opinion of (and possible interactions with ), when there could be any number of reasons why she hasn't met you so far. Why are you so adamant she has to approach you?

Sakurasnail · 26/03/2018 23:22

I think its gotten close to the stage of awkwardness. She was downstairs eating wth her boyfriend before, i went down, she webt to her room ...
So did you see her leave? If not, you still don't know she left because of you. Maybe she did, maybe she has crippling social anxiety and doesn't feel up to it. Either accept she'll meet you when she's happy to, or go say hi yourself, don't see the problem.

Motoko · 26/03/2018 23:22

I'd ask the boyfriend what's going on.

milkysmum · 26/03/2018 23:26

Definitely ask the boyfriend what the heck is going on!

helpconfused · 26/03/2018 23:32

Next time you see him, just say you would like to introduce yourself to her. Just see what he says!

starskey80 · 27/03/2018 00:16

What's the boyfriend like, is he friendly ?

She sounds very odd and weird, shyness is no excuse.

toffee1000 · 27/03/2018 02:30

I agree with others, why don’t YOU take the initiative and introduce yourself by knocking on her door? She clearly isn’t going to do it to you, so you have to do it to her I’m afraid. If she tries to leave, tell her that she’s being rude. Don’t beat about the bush.

bluebell34567 · 27/03/2018 08:18

I think you need to speak to letting agency saying you feel unwelcomed, uncomfortable and ask what's going on with her.
-she may have crippling social anxiety.
-or she doesn't want to share with you.
ask what happened with the previous house sharer.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 27/03/2018 08:29

I wouldn’t knock on her door now, she’s made it pretty clear she doesn’t want to talk to you.

I’d have asked the boyfriend by now why she was avoiding me.

Sakurasnail · 27/03/2018 08:57

I think you need to speak to letting agency saying you feel unwelcomed, uncomfortable and ask what's going on with her.
Not sure they'd think the same. You thinking she's avoiding you because she's not come and introduced herself isn't that big a deal. Just makes you look a bit oversensitive. It's not like she's leaving horses heads in your bed. Grin

TenancyTroublesAgain · 27/03/2018 09:18

Ok she's being rude now ha. As nerve-wracking as I find meeting people I do try and make SOME kind of effort. Gosh.

bluebell34567 · 27/03/2018 22:11

'It's not like she's leaving horses heads in your bed. grin'
she doing in another way.
she runs away from her when she sees her.
she doesn't reciprocate her wish to introduce herself.
these are different ways of unwelcoming her. she doesn't necessarily need to leave a horse's head in her bed.
maybe she has some sort of mh, like social anxiety, we don't know.
but I appreciate it must be hard for op living in a house only 2 of them.

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 27/03/2018 22:37

She was washing up in kitchen before, went in all smiles, saying hey how are you, nice to meet you im honey.

Silence - bit of a smile and a nod.

Oh well, at least I've made my mam proud being friendly to begin with!

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 27/03/2018 22:46

well done Uhuhhoney. I hope it will get better.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 27/03/2018 22:57

Ok,so that’s a +ve.hope you settle in well and everything is ok

TheShaniaTwainExperience · 27/03/2018 23:04

What a bizarre situation!

PrincessScarlett · 27/03/2018 23:15

Kill her with kindness.

Sakurasnail · 27/03/2018 23:17

Oh well, at least I've made my mam proud being friendly to begin with!
Good for you. You prob didn't need to worry so much about her avoiding you, if she was trying to be purposefully rude she would have blanked you or something Smile

ittakes2 · 28/03/2018 14:40

I think its odd you moved in without meeting each other before it happened. Maybe she didn't realise at first you were home and had gone into the kitchen in her knickers.