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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should have introduced themselves?

365 replies

Uhuhhoney · 24/03/2018 23:44

Ive just moved into a new houseshare.

When i was moving my stuff in i heard one of the flatmates rummaging in the kitchen so i went downstairs and she scuttled back to her (downstairs) room. Hmm i thought... anyway, i was then making food this evening and hwr boyfriend came in and said im Courtneys boyfriend (me having no idea who she is). They're now chatting really fucking loudly downstairs and i feel like it would be awkward to go and make a brew.

Aibu to think shes been rude to deliberately ignore her only (new) flatmate!

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/03/2018 17:43

The absence of a punchline or 😁 made it impossible to tell it was joke

However as per your instructions I’ve climbed back into my bugaboo and stokke
Get back in your prams, great quip. Funnier in fact than your green eyed monster joke

Highhorse1981 · 25/03/2018 17:46

Shy
Ill
Not brushed her teeth
Semi dressed
Stressed
Face mask on
Sunday blues
Hangry

Don’t be quick to judge

cherrytomato51 · 25/03/2018 17:50

OK guys!! My fault for not making it clear I was joking!!

Sorry Highhorse.....Your excuses don't wash.....She was rude!!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/03/2018 17:56

It was worth it for the get back in your prams quip.
Might be shamelessly stealing that

ISaidIWasTired · 25/03/2018 17:56

Come on have you met her yet?!

Hope she didn't turn out to be a murderer and you're ok OP Thanks

shesalady · 25/03/2018 18:06

There are lots of reasons that don't all mean rude.

And for those of you saying shyness isn't an excuse Hmm.

I'm 90% of the time an EXTREMELY outgoing and sociable person. I went out just last night and made 6 new friends by going up and chatting to them.

But sometimes I suffer from crippling anxiety. And also OCD. It's impossible for me to even be around close friends or family when I'm going through a spell.

I house shared for 15 years and there were times when I'd go without food just so i didn't have to talk to anyone.

cherrytomato51 · 25/03/2018 18:08

Sorry,

If truth be told, I am actually getting a bit fed up with this post now and am aware that I am being quite sarcastic and cheeky!! Ooops!!

At the end of the day you either:

(a) Introduce yourself and have a chat or
(b) Don't bother - pay your rent and have a nice life!!

I'm out of here!!......(Flatmate has just made a lovely Lasagne for dinner!!)

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 25/03/2018 18:12

I literally sat in the living room all morning. Her boyfriend came in and spoke for about 20 mins. I went out and just come back in, she was in the kitchen and when she heard the front door close she ran upstairs. All a bit weird. Still havent spoke to her or seen her face (just the back of her!!!) Makes me feel a bit on edge

OP posts:
cherrytomato51 · 25/03/2018 18:24

Sounds like a weirdo OP. Why don't you find somewhere else to live. She is obviously making you feel very uncomfortable. She is making ME feel uncomfortable and I am not even there....

IAmWonkoTheSane · 25/03/2018 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/03/2018 18:59

No don’t ask her boyfriend if she’s ok,it’s a bit intrusive.well meant but intrusive

TenancyTroublesAgain · 25/03/2018 19:55

I wouldn't say it's necessarily rude. Some people may want to be friendly and introduce themselves but feel physically sick at the thought! I am the same, nerves get the better of me and it takes me a while before I can go and say hello. I find it painful. I'm not rude and I am an adult.

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 25/03/2018 21:12

I do understand it's hard for some people to be social! But i think 2 days without so much as an introduction is a bit aloof.

It's just me and her sharing as well.

OP posts:
Cheekyandfreaky · 25/03/2018 21:21

Just knock on her door and acknowledge the elephant in the room- just say ‘hi I’m your new flat mate, I feel weird having spoken to your boyfriend and not you so thought I would introduce myself, fancy a cup of tea?’

If she doesn’t answer the door then I dunno, move. I think it’s strange.

I moved into a house share once with 2 women and 2 men. One of the other women would do exactly the same and scuttle away and one of the guys told me she had got quite upset when she found out I was moving in as she would no longer be the youngest. No idea if it was true but I eventually wore her down and killed her with kindness.

himalayansalt · 26/03/2018 00:04

I've lived in 4 or 5 house shares in London. I've always known all the people I've lived with before moving in. If I hadn't had a group of friends to share with and had answered an ad I would also have expected to meet all the other occupants in the house before deciding to live there.

LegallyBrunet · 26/03/2018 00:20

I live in a flat of five in halls of residence. I have seen one of my flatmates three times since September, every time during a fire drill. It's nothing personal, he just prefers to keep himself to himself. Maybe your new housemate is the same?

Sakurasnail · 26/03/2018 03:09

I think regardless of being shy, not wanting to be friends, enjoying an evening with your boyfriend etc, you should say hi to someone you are living with.
And no doubt she will, when she bumps into you. You're making it sound as if you want everyone to make a special effort to come out and welcome you to the house now, regardless of the circumstances /situation they may be in. You have no idea whatsoever why they didn't on that occasion come up and say hi. Stop thinking the worst of someone you've never met and just get on with your own life. Does it really matter if you never cross paths? You're being just as weird by not making the effort to meet her.

demirose87 · 26/03/2018 03:34

Of course she's rude, there's no excuse for that behaviour. She sounds weird. You need to pull her up on it by now. Either that or find somewhere else to live.

Peeetle · 26/03/2018 05:52

I would hate this and think she’s weird and rude. On the plus side, you’ll have free run of any communal spaces whenever you are in.

LemonysSnicket · 26/03/2018 08:50

Maybe she wasn’t wearing many clothes and panicked when she heard you coming down?

snewsname · 26/03/2018 08:58

Just go and introduce yourself and get it over and done with.

ISaidIWasTired · 26/03/2018 11:00

This is only going to get weirder and weirder - I think you need to force a meeting.

Maybe she got Botox and it went wrong or something so she has droopy eyelids and is embarrassed!

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 26/03/2018 15:27

@Sakurasnail erm im more concerned that on day three shes still avoiding me. Theres only 2 of us living there, id like to put a face to the flatmate ill be living with for 6 months. It's rude. Im not looking for starjumps, just a 20 second introduction. Your expectation of people sounds very low

OP posts:
Cheekyandfreaky · 26/03/2018 16:00

Stop wasting time on here @Uhuhhoney and knock on her door.

Rafflesway · 26/03/2018 16:29

Just the two of you sharing? Blimey, I thought there would be 4 of you at least bearing in mind her weird behaviour.

Excuse me as I'm not familiar with London house sharing in 2018 but i can't figure out why the hell she didn't make herself available to meet you before a final decision was made. If she feels you have been foisted on her then she only has herself to blame. Confused. I used to house share many years ago and no way would any of my co sharers have agreed to someone just moving in without having met them.
I am assuming then that she had no say and that it was a decision between landlord and letting agent so now she is having a sulk. (Boyfriend sounds nice so he is probably embarrassed by her behaviour.)
Is it just a 2 bedroomed house then? If so she seems to be making a hell of a lot of effort to avoid you in a very small house.

I think after 3 days I would definitely make a point of ensuring she CANT avoid you and then hopefully you can clear any misunderstandings. If not then I would be having a serious word with the letting agent. You can't be expected to pay huge London rent and be made to feel hugely uncomfortable in your own home. 😡

Good luck OP, do keep us posted. I don't think YABU at all FWIW.