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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should have introduced themselves?

365 replies

Uhuhhoney · 24/03/2018 23:44

Ive just moved into a new houseshare.

When i was moving my stuff in i heard one of the flatmates rummaging in the kitchen so i went downstairs and she scuttled back to her (downstairs) room. Hmm i thought... anyway, i was then making food this evening and hwr boyfriend came in and said im Courtneys boyfriend (me having no idea who she is). They're now chatting really fucking loudly downstairs and i feel like it would be awkward to go and make a brew.

Aibu to think shes been rude to deliberately ignore her only (new) flatmate!

OP posts:
cherrytomato51 · 25/03/2018 02:50

Over keen..???? Your only offering a cup of tea!! YOU are the one who has just moved in OP. If it was me and you were my new flat mate regardless as to whether my boyfriend was there or not or whatever night of the week it was, I would still offer you a cup of tea or coffee in a bid to make you feel welcome. Imagine going to bed on your first night in your new home and your new flat "mate" totally ignores you, especially when she knows you are there!! That's awful!!!...
I consider myself to be a nice person and that is what I would do.... but then again not everyone is like me... :-)

(That's why I said "be the bigger person")...XXXX

Sakurasnail · 25/03/2018 02:59

Sure she may just be shy but that does not mean you have to lick her arse just because she was there before you.
Wow. There are loads of reasons she might not have wanted to meet you right then, on that occasion. Maybe she was nipping into kitchen in a towel, having just had a shower... Whatever. No one's saying op should lick her arse because she was there first!! Stop over thinking it and introduce yourself if you bump into her. Not everyone has the same view of social interaction with random housemates.

emmyrose2000 · 25/03/2018 04:10

She was rude.

NSEA · 25/03/2018 04:18

You think because she lived in the property before you she has to say hi first? If i were you I would have introduced myself regardless of boyfriend

Skittlesandbeer · 25/03/2018 04:34

Make the boyfriend a brew and enjoy it in the kitchen together. Maybe a biscuit, too?

I guarantee she’ll be out in no time!

(Yes, I’m making huge assumptions about OP’s gender and orientation!)

Mynewnameforabit · 25/03/2018 08:57

Make the boyfriend a brew and enjoy it in the kitchen together. Maybe a biscuit, too?

I guarantee she’ll be out in no time!

Yeah, thats going to make things a lot more cordial Hmm. I think people are stirring because they want you to provide entertainment here OP.

She isn't your new bestie, she doesn't have to chat, she may warm up when she isn't enjoying an evening with he bf. Or she may not. Chasing her with tea, or trying to engage her bf to annoy her, are indeed being pushy and quit manipulative (I would have hated a new flatmate doing those things, have always just co existed a bit at first, til you get used to one another around the place, though I am quite friendly!).
Either live with it, and say 'hi' when you do bump into her, or decide its not for you, and get some mates together to flat share. She isn't hurting you, and she doesn't owe you.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/03/2018 10:40

Mn makes flat share sound like a jolly wheeze in Mallory Towers

Mynewnameforabit · 25/03/2018 11:27

Mn makes flat share sound like a jolly wheeze in Mallory Towers
[Grin] it'll be fine, there HAS to be a midnight feast before half term, and then they'll be best chums Grin

MereDintofPandiculation · 25/03/2018 11:56

Not hard, even for a shy person. I take you're not a shy person then?
It can be really difficult and stressful, especially as shyness tends to go along with not being certain of your interpersonal skills, being afraid of saying the wrong thing or smiling in the wrong way. And then on top of it all, people call you rude.

Myheartbelongsto · 25/03/2018 12:17

I would honestly just get on with my life!

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 25/03/2018 16:23

I think regardless of being shy, not wanting to be friends, enjoying an evening with your boyfriend etc, you should say hi to someone you are living with. Intentional avoidance is odd and makes a new person feel unwelcome

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/03/2018 16:32

She’s your flat mate not your bestie,it’s a purely financial arrangement
You didn’t move in as mates.it is simply a room rental arrangement
And as flat mates go,one who keeps out your business and gives you space that sounds ideal

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 25/03/2018 16:33

Introducing yourself is not trying to be besties.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/03/2018 16:39

The only obligation your flat mate has is pay rent uphold lease conditions
She doesn’t have to do anything else socially with you. You’re reading too much into this
I hope you become happy in your new home and it’s a good flatshare for you

cherrytomato51 · 25/03/2018 16:54

I think the OP sounds like a decent person and as a decent person it would not bother her to offer to make this person a tea or coffee as a way of saying "Hi" and introducing herself, after all she is going to be living under the same roof. It will not make her look "bulgy eyed and desperate" as one Poster (rather stupidly) wrote, it will make her look like a "nice" person. Nothing wrong with that!!
Then if the other person still does not really bother with the OP then fine. At least the OP has made the effort and does not need to bother in future, thus taking any awkwardness away!!

IAmWonkoTheSane · 25/03/2018 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bluebell34567 · 25/03/2018 17:04

I think op is right, she was rude and I don't think she will be a good flatmate.
unfortunately there are many people like that.

Mynewnameforabit · 25/03/2018 17:05

offer to make this person a tea or coffee as a way of saying "Hi" and introducing herself, after all she is going to be living under the same roof. It will not make her look "bulgy eyed and desperate"
If this was when the OP first arrived, I'd agree, but given the background of the flatmate going back to her room, it'd be a very persistent person who goes knocking on her door!

She could feel unwell, or have had a row with the bf, or be in bed with the bf....its no one's business why she wanted to go in her room, and she's very unlikely into warm to someone going knocking and trying to insist she is more chatty.

cherrytomato51 · 25/03/2018 17:12

You are "assuming" she is maybe feeling unwell or had just had a row with her boyfriend.

Again, putting myself in this situation, I would push that to one side to at least say "Hello" to my new flatmate rather than be rude and just ignore her.

But then again, maybe I was just brought up with good manners!!!

Allthebestnamesareused · 25/03/2018 17:16

Maybe she didn't have her make up on and just hurried off because of that.

If they are talking loudly in the kitchen I'd just go down, make a cuppa and say hi.

cherrytomato51 · 25/03/2018 17:23

Maybe (and this is just a thought.??), the OP is very pretty and the flatmate's Green Eyed Monster has just risen to the surface!!

If that is the case, you will probably find the boyfriend will not be at the flat as often as he used to be!!....These things DO happen!! :-) :-)

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/03/2018 17:27

What a thoroughly depressing post for a woman to write about other women

toffee1000 · 25/03/2018 17:28

It would personally be my idea of pure hell to live in a house with a bunch of total strangers.
That being said, don’t rely on her to make the first move. If you say hi and she doesn’t reply, try not to take it as a personal slight. Maybe don’t just say hi, say “hey I’m Uhuhhoney” or whatever. If they turn out to not reply for whatever reason, then you won’t be able to change them. You’ve tried and that’s that. You have other housemates and hopefully they turn out to be better.

Birdsgottafly · 25/03/2018 17:31

"Maybe (and this is just a thought.??), the OP is very pretty and the flatmate's Green Eyed Monster has just risen to the surface!!"

Why have Women always got to be in competition which each other?

My DD wouldn't get a parcel the other day because she had dye on her eyebrows and a sugar scrub on her lips. I won't be around other people if I haven't had a bath etc.

It was more likely that she was caught off guard. I don't understand the angst, tbh. just go and make a cup of tea and say hello on your way past.

cherrytomato51 · 25/03/2018 17:36

LOL!!! Green Eyed Monster was supposed to be "sarky" "tongue in cheek" (bit like not wanting to see the OP because she had no make up on!!??

Get back in your prams!! LOL!! :-) :-)