To want to leave DH and be reckless?

[AshiBarai]

DH and I have been married 2 years, together for 6. He's 10 years older than me (he's 46). We both have two kids each to previous relationships.

I'm bored. We have regimented sex one day a week. We do nothing else together other than watch TV and go on holiday twice a year.

More and more recently I daydream about leaving him, buying a "do-er-up-er and basically just having fun. Casual relationships, travelling, new experiences, meeting new people shagging around ... just being free. I'm 36 and I'm so fucking bored and frustrated. DH is fast asleep next to me as I type this. We live in a "posh" detached 4 bedroomed house on private estate - I picture myself on my own in a terraced victorian house wondering if I'll be getting laid at the weekend.

I'm scared. I'm a nurse, I work with old people and they always tell me "follow your instincts while you still have them" - my instincts are telling me to sack off this marriage and sensible persona and go back to being free and reckless. We only live once. What the fuck do I do?

A gilded cage is still a cage.

A gilded cage is still a cage

How utterly pathetic.

The OP is not imprisoned. not abused, not held against her will.

Snowflake statement at its worst.

Great steps in your update OP! Really glad you're doing something about it :)

It's harsh to read the opinions that OP had kids way too early. Yes, she had them young. Pros and cons to this, as there are to having them at any age. We follow different paths and timelines, we are not robots.
Perhaps OP can focus on identifying what she and her husband see as a fulfilling future, some interests/activities together, some apart. Some people have their first kids in their 40s, so child rearing will continue into their late 50s, early 60s. Others have them in their mid 20s so by mid 40s this life chapter will end. OP has almost done the child rearing life chapter and can now look forward to having more focus on her needs / interests and those of her husband. There's room for optimism and enjoyment.

why on earth would people be encouraging somebody in the prime of their life, in a relatively short marriage, with grown up children, who was bored and restless and in an unfulfilling relationship, who was quite clear they wanted adventure and to shag around a bit, to stay in their relationship?
What for?

Branleuse - Because only two years ago she apparently loved this man enough to spend the rest of her life with him. So it seems worth exploring the reasons for the change of heart, and whether leaving him is actually the way to solve her unhappiness.

I became single today (my choice) at 42. I’m now very concerned that I’m going to turn into a harrriden overnight and only attract bald toothless men!

Ultimately I think you are bored. Bored with yourself mainly and finding it easier to blame your DH.

Pleased to see your doing something, don't slide back after a few months though.I think if you build up your self esteem and find things to do that genuinely interest you or are just fun life may be less boring.Also slowly build up some friendships and support network, doesn't need to be big just a few friends to relax with and confide in or share a rant with.
Hope you enjoy your night out.If you do tell him

Thisisanewbeginning it definitely widens the pool of potential partners if you like baldies

I actually feel for your dh. 2 years of marriage and all you can think of is Shagging randoms and how bored you are? I hope he wises up and leaves you.

Shagging randoms is not a great ambition to have, I'd be embarrassed if that was my goal in life.

While you're out together next weekend, why not discuss a weekend away to the coast for the next week or two. You can find dog friendly cottages. Have fun together and find things to do yourself so you are not so reliant on your Dh for your entertainment.

Making rash choices because you’re bored isn’t going to end well in the future. You’ve said you’re a loner and fed up with yourself more than him. Will your opinion change once you get friends and a life of your own? Because if that is the case then you need to grow up. You were considering leaving your husband because you were bored with your apparent lack of a social life. If you truly think you’ll still be ‘bored’ of him then consider leaving. But not because you want to fill out some inane fantasy of being feckless, fancy free and horny again.

And before I get jumped on I don’t have an issue with people (yes, people, women AND men) following these desires if they are truly unhappy or simply want to ‘live’ more. But throwing away a marriage to a man who you loved enough to make that commintment to and making a rash choice might not be good for you in the future.

This is one of the most unpleasant, misogynistic, and offensive threads I have read on here in a long time.

With attitudes like some of yours, who needs men to drag us down.

Well done OP, glad to have got to the end and read some positivity and light from you.

If you want to leave and live a 'wild life' then do it. But don't blame your husband because he is older and a bit pedestrian and likes to chill and watch tv. You must have known what he was like when you married him. Poor man. He deserves better.

^This

I hope it's not on the same night you were going out with your mate!

I have a feeling the more adventurous and sociable you become the more interested your husband will be.

No advise really but a 20 year old still does the access weekend thing? is that not a bit strange?

I agree @Branleuse

Go for it.
My partner kept threatening that she was going to leave me and her two kids. Accusing me of having afairs. While she was going out and being all secretive until I had enough of all the bull shit and left.
That was 5 years ago and I’ve had a whale of a time since traveling all over the world.
She still blames me for the breakup but then I don’t care any more.
Yes it’s hard being single but I’ve found my sole mate now and still having fun.
Good luck from Bangkok

How long has it been like this and what do you think caused it?

Suggest making a list of things that you want to do, ask child if they want to come along, go with DH out at weekend concert, theme park, swimming, dancing, weekend at seaside, day out to somewhere new. Give yourself a timeline. If nothing improves, I would suggest separate and move on. Life is far too short to be sat on the sofa being bored !

The ppl saying, 'why is op's husband responsible for fun' or 'why don't you go out alone' ect I agree and it's great op is now seeing friends and volunteering.

But equally its about balance. When you are in a marriage its normal to want to do things together and look forward to things together. I don't think it's wrong that op wants to go out with her husband at the weekend. It's great he's booked a table. The whole waiting for the son thing I would get really annoyed with and it's up to the husband to put a stop to it. Either it's planned or it isn't.

My other suggestion is to look further into the year and find things to suggest to do eg country fayre, festival, free things, theatre, easy jet cheap weekend away, car rally, something different. I don't know your budget, but you need to do some new things. You and your DH need to put time and effort in. You can't sit there and wish things are going to change, you have to do some things to make it happen !

I'm glad to read this through and see that both you and DH seem to be making an effort.
My question for you OP is, if you left him where would the friends magically appear from that you will be having all the wild fun with? Where are they now? How are you going to make new friends when single and what is stopping you from making them now?
I think you need to work on a bit of self awareness.Having kids so young has kept you too busy to work out who you are and what you want. Go and have some therapy to find these things out before you blame your DH for not meeting needs that you can't express yourself.

It sounds more like you need to pick a social life that doesn't include him, gain more girlfriends. Why don't you join a running club, sports team, or if you don't like sports, anything that gets women together really. Also, why don't you & him do date nights? Like, Friday night go out for a nice dinner, or a few cocktails, whatever takes your fancy. Cinema? And try to change it up slowly?

Finding a decent man who will take care of you is SO hard. Shagging around isn't much fun at all, it's empty and unfulfilling. So many men are just arseholes, it's hard to find one who isn't. I'm sure when you were younger nbeing skint & shagging around was fun. But, I can whole heartedly tell you being skint is NOT fun. Think about it.. Maybe organise some weekends away, or romantic ones.

Hi OP how are things? x