Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the fact that dh doesn’t understand the relationship I have with my family?

128 replies

Jasperparker · 23/03/2018 14:30

I am very close to my family (it’s only me, mum, dad and brother) and I go and stay with my parents a few nights a week as dh works away for 2 weeks at a time, obviously when he is home I don’t go to stay and spend all my time with him, I don’t like being alone so don’t see why I shouldn’t stay with them but if he phones me while he is away and I’m at my parents he gets so annoyed as if I’m betraying him. Dh hates his own family and never really sees them, he finds it really odd that mine and my brothers bedrooms still have our stuff in - not like a shrine or anything but when we moved out into our own houses we both wanted to buy all new stuff so they kept our beds and wardrobes and stuff for when we visit, they have 2 other spare rooms so don’t need the space, I think its sweet they’ve kept it for us and let us know we always have a place to go. All my friends say their parents got rid of their rooms as soon as they left so maybe we are a bit unusual, I didn’t leave home until 4 years ago when I was 24 and would probably still live there now if I thought I could get away with it and hadn’t met dh.

OP posts:
missiondecision · 23/03/2018 14:36

He is probably a little jealous even if he doesn’t realise it. He is a massive twit to be annoyed that you stay with your parents whilst he is actually away. It makes no difference to him.
I’d understand if you went to stay whilst he was home but even then, so what? I think parents clear out bedrooms if they need th space, your parents clearly don’t and it’s not weird at all. He is though.

Trinity66 · 23/03/2018 14:39

Odd thing to be annoyed about, he should be happy that you're not sitting home alone while he's away working

kimanda · 23/03/2018 14:40

He does sound jealous and bitter that you are so close to your lovely, close-knit family.

Shame he can't be happy for you.

Carry on as you are. It's his problem, not yours.

statetrooperstacey · 23/03/2018 14:42

I would say possibly one of these two scenarios.
He is jealous of the relationship you have with your family. Or, when he is away he likes to think of you and home as a comforting thought, but if you're not there he can't. Does that make sense?
Whatever it is he needs to get over it tho! It's nice you are close to your family. Keep it that way.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 23/03/2018 14:43

My adult children (hate saying that, makes me think of those men who wear nappies and pay a woman to mother them!) have their own rooms in my house. If they had a serious relationship and had their own home with a partner, I'd think of downsizing, but otherwise why not?

He sounds very strange, tbh. Why is he bothered that you're there instead of at home alone?

Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 14:45

Hmm. I think if this question was being asked about a man who stayed with his parents a couple of nights a week the answers would be very different.

I think if I was in a relationship (with a male or female) who had left home fairly late and was still going back home for large chunks of the time it would make me question their maturity and what a relationship with them would be like.

There are lots and lots of threads on here about suffocating in laws who can’t deal with the fact their children are grown up and independent now and are overbearing in the relationships of their children. What your doing would ring alarm bells.

NFATR · 23/03/2018 14:48

It's probably a combination of a little jealousy (which you should be kind about, you have a close family and he does not, no need to be mean about it) and finding it all a bit childish and odd (which many would)

Roussette · 23/03/2018 14:57

Hmmm... is your bedroom kept as if you were still a teen? Shock

I've mixed feelings on this. How far do you live from your parents?

I have 3 adult DCs (one a DSS) and I would find it a bit odd if they kept coming home! I love love love having them here but they have their own lives and TBH are far too busy to keep staying for nights on end. And they don't live that close. How many nights in a week do you mean? 2 is fine but 5 or 6 is a bit strange.

Also, why don't you like being on your own? I can understand wanting a break in a two week period if your DH is away but if you basically debunk to your parents when he's away, I'm sorry but I do find it a bit odd.

DullAndOld · 23/03/2018 15:00

I don't think most people don't like being alone, that is why we have friends and family. Personally I hate living on my own, I think this is normal.
I suppose he is just jealous.

TomRavenscroft · 23/03/2018 15:03

I think if this question was being asked about a man who stayed with his parents a couple of nights a week the answers would be very different.

There was a thread like this recently, in fact. I don't remember all the details, but the difference was that in this thread the DP (a man) stayed at his parents' when the OP was around.

That's quite a significant difference IMO.

YoloSwaggins · 23/03/2018 15:04

I find that really odd just because when my partner goes away for work, I think "YES! Time to myself!".

It wouldn't cross my mind to go back to my parents. You do seem overly attached which is a bit weird when nearing 30 - sorry.

YoloSwaggins · 23/03/2018 15:05

I loved living on my own.... I only agreed for my boyfriend to move in because the rent would halve.....

fruitbrewhaha · 23/03/2018 15:05

I'm 43 and I still have "my room" at my parents. It has a new double bed but still the same furniture. Although the wardrobe is full of my mother's clothes.

My brothers was redecorated though, and now has twin beds. But it was orange.

DullAndOld · 23/03/2018 15:05
  • I don't think most people like being alone..:)
Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 15:10

But even if you don’t like being alone, I would say the normal, adult thing to do (unless you live miles away) would be to visit for dinner, stop a few hours and then go home and sleep in your own home in your own bed. Or even have your parents to your home sometimes.

It would just say to me that this was not an independent adult and that they hadn’t mentally left home even if physically they had done some of the time.

teaandtoast · 23/03/2018 15:12

I find this a bit odd. Sorry!

DrEustaciaBenson · 23/03/2018 15:13

I don't think most people like being alone..smile

Some people might not like being alone. Many people do like it. I like living alone, I'd never choose to live with someone else.

Lacucuracha · 23/03/2018 15:13

Bundles - what utter bollocks.

Humans are social creatures, it's natural for OP wamt to be with family when her partner is working away for two weeks.

Zaphodsotherhead · 23/03/2018 15:14

I'd just say, reverse the sexes and see if it doesn't sound weird.

Anyone not liking being alone to the extent that they go and stay at their parents' house every time the OH is away might need to work on themselves a bit. What if the parents want to go on holiday? Would you go with them? Or stay at home alone?

Roussette · 23/03/2018 15:18

I find it weird too. I use the time DH is away to catch up with friends, watch rubbish on telly, cook things I like, go off to the cinema on my own to a film he'd hate, go on long walks in the summer, spend hours on the phone nattering to friends etc etc.

Totally agree with Bundles

Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 15:19

Humans are social creatures, it's natural for OP wamt to be with family when her partner is working away for two weeks.

Yes, but as I said. Most adults would do that by popping in for dinner and a chat. Moving back in for weeks at a time is strange.

If I was the OPs DP, I would think that the parents remained the OPs primary home in her mind, and their home was secondary.

SilverySurfer · 23/03/2018 15:19

Bundlesmads
I think if I was in a relationship (with a male or female) who had left home fairly late and was still going back home for large chunks of the time it would make me question their maturity and what a relationship with them would be like.

I totally agree.

ConkerGame · 23/03/2018 15:20

I would do the same OP - would get very bored/lonely frequently being on my own for two weeks at a time. Your DH should be happy you have people around who you can turn to when needed!

EthelHornsby · 23/03/2018 15:24

I would think this was odd - if you go back to Mum every time you are on your own, sounds like you are not ready for an adult relationship

Laiste · 23/03/2018 15:25

OPs DH goes away for 2 week spells. OP goes and stays over at her parents for a few nights during that time.

It doesn't sound as if they have kids together so why not go off and spend a night or two with people you like and love while your other half is out of town? If she was decamping with DCs i might say it was a bit OTT.

I'm not close to my DM and wouldn't have done this in a million years, but i can imagine any of my older DDs doing it. In fact the ones who have left home do come back for the night if their other halves go away for the weekend ect. We all get on like a house on fire and have a right laugh together.