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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell a wedding guest they can't turn up halfway through the day?

129 replies

MarkBorrigan · 19/03/2018 12:03

Getting married on a Friday so I know this type of thing is self inflicted. Wedding guest cannot make the ceremony time, but has informed us they will be arriving 1-2 hours after the ceremony has finished, presumably in the time in which we will be having photos, drinks, chatting to guests before the meal. So, a few AIBUs:

AIBU to be annoyed at being informed by the guest (not asked if it's ok) that they will be arriving at a different time to the one stated on the invitation. For background, said guest asked me more than once to move my wedding entirely, even suggesting 3 different months (other than the one DP and I chose) that would suit them better.

AIBU to not want the disruption of the guest arriving at this time, possibly entering the ceremony late if it runs late, and having to consider them for meal timings if it runs early (time given of their potential arrival was extremely rough).

WIBU to ask that they just come for the reception?

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 19/03/2018 12:04

What's their reason for being late?

BossWitch · 19/03/2018 12:07

YANBU.

Text:

"I'm sorry you won't be able to make the whole day, but I understand it's difficult what with it being a Friday wedding. We've moved you to the evening reception list so that you don't need to rush and the venue will have define numbers. See you at 7!"

Babyplaymat · 19/03/2018 12:09

I'd let them tbh, where's the harm?

Original poster
MarkBorrigan · 19/03/2018 12:09

The reason is work, so a decent reason, but they've had SO much notice. and got married on an even more inconvenient weekday themselves

OP posts:
ikeepaforkinmypurse · 19/03/2018 12:10

Is it a really small wedding? Is it your mother?

If not, you won't even notice. Unless the guest pops out of a wedding cake, most people won't really notice either, it really doesn't matter if someone arrives whilst everybody is chatting away, they might as well have come out of the toilets for what everyone cares.

You don't have to plan anything around them, do your things, have the meals at the organised time, if they turn up late, it's their problem not yours.

Echobelly · 19/03/2018 12:14

I don't understand what the harm is of them arriving in between when people are doing photos etc? If the ceremony does run late, will it really be 'ruined' if someone comes in during it? Honestly, during our ceremony I'm not sure I'd have noticed if Godzilla came strolling past!

I can understand you feeling annoyed at them for suggesting you move the whole thing, but I'd let go of any feelings about them coming in part way, it's just not worth being concerned about. A weekday wedding isn't workable for everyone so it sounds to me like they've just made a compromise to join for as much of the day as is possible for them.

Original poster
MarkBorrigan · 19/03/2018 12:14

Quite small, 50 day guests.
No, not my mother Grin

OP posts:
ikeepaforkinmypurse · 19/03/2018 12:16

i didn't dare suggesting your MIL Grin

50 guests is small-ish, but big enough that one person - or one couple - won't be noticeable. I wouldn't worry about it, but I wouldn't plan anything around them, it's your day

CruCru · 19/03/2018 12:17

It probably won't make a whole lot of difference on the day itself. One of our guests is an actor and disappeared in the evening for an hour and a half because he was in a West End play.

The guest wanting you to move the wedding is quite irritating though.

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 12:18

I would let them come but explain that if they arrive before the end of the ceremony they have to wait outside for it to end rather than coming in late, and that if they arrive after the start of the meal you can't guarantee that their food will still be available (if they arrive after it's all been served, for example)

BossWitch · 19/03/2018 12:19

See, I would have gone with just let them turn up when they can, but the details about them suggesting alternative dates to the OP on several occasions makes me think they are a pain in the arse and makes me feel far less relaxed about the idea! A normal person would be able to turn up late, assess the stage the wedding was at, enter unobtrusively so as not to disrupt the ceremony or the speeches or something - but a normal person wouldn't tell someone that the date was no good for them and how about this date instead!

Snowqueeny75 · 19/03/2018 12:19

I had a non-negotiable, un-moveable thing on a friend’s wedding day (although I didn’t ask her to move wedding Grin). I moved hell and high water to drive several hours after the thing I moved to arrive after the dinner but in time to congratulate them and have some drinks. She was I think a bit pissed off but in retrospect doesn’t care and acted very graciously on the day.

PuppyMonkey · 19/03/2018 12:20

I don’t see this as particularly awful behaviour either. They might well have not told you anything beforehand and then turned up late anyway.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/03/2018 12:20

If it was just being late to the wedding on account of work, I would say YABU.

But given the rest of the background, with them trying to make it "all about them" and their convenience, then no, YANBU.

Downgrade them to evening only.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 19/03/2018 12:21

I would simply say you will be glad to see them when they make it. Don't give them any more head space.

clumsyduck · 19/03/2018 12:21

I honestly don't think it will make a difference I doubt you'll notice so from that aspect is be fine with it

However - they asked you to pick a different wedding date that suited them better ?!?!?! Shock Jeeeez some people !!!!

KarmaStar · 19/03/2018 12:21

@BOSSWITCH not the nail on the head OP
Congratulations on your forthcoming weddingFlowers

RedSkyAtNight · 19/03/2018 12:21

I can't see the harm with letting them arrive late. I wouldn't expect to make any special arrangements for them though (if they e.g. arrive after meal has started then they just eat what's left).

Presumably you invited them because you wanted them to come?

KarmaStar · 19/03/2018 12:21

Hit the nail!

CoffeAndCream · 19/03/2018 12:22

Do they work in a job where taking Friday off is impossible ie teacher or are they just being difficult?
How much impact would rescinding the invitation cause?

Are you more annoyed about the guest calling the shots or the disruption it might cause?

IAmMatty · 19/03/2018 12:23

If the person matters to you, then them turning up late wouldn't matter too much, because you'd want them there regardless.

Sounds like they're a duty invitation though, so it's up to you if you want to facilitate them or not.

MrsPreston11 · 19/03/2018 12:24

I'd just say that's fine they can't make the ceremony and the evening reception starts at xxpm and you'll see them then.

GingerFoxx · 19/03/2018 12:25

What Bosswitch said

FloydOnThePull · 19/03/2018 12:25

Just set a place up for them and tell the venue what time they will be arriving so they can greet them and seat them. You are paying them so you don't have to worry about this sort of thing.

Viviennemary · 19/03/2018 12:25

I can't see why not. They've let you know in advance they won't be able to make the ceremony. And you hope they won't come crashing in to the ceremony disrupting everything. You won't even notice who is there and who isn't. It was a bit cheeky of them to ask you to move the date to suit them. And agree that no special consideration if they can't make the start of the meal. But they do sound one of 'those type of people' In other words quite hard work.

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