Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell a wedding guest they can't turn up halfway through the day?

129 replies

MarkBorrigan · 19/03/2018 12:03

Getting married on a Friday so I know this type of thing is self inflicted. Wedding guest cannot make the ceremony time, but has informed us they will be arriving 1-2 hours after the ceremony has finished, presumably in the time in which we will be having photos, drinks, chatting to guests before the meal. So, a few AIBUs:

AIBU to be annoyed at being informed by the guest (not asked if it's ok) that they will be arriving at a different time to the one stated on the invitation. For background, said guest asked me more than once to move my wedding entirely, even suggesting 3 different months (other than the one DP and I chose) that would suit them better.

AIBU to not want the disruption of the guest arriving at this time, possibly entering the ceremony late if it runs late, and having to consider them for meal timings if it runs early (time given of their potential arrival was extremely rough).

WIBU to ask that they just come for the reception?

OP posts:
ikeepaforkinmypurse · 19/03/2018 13:02

BitOutOfPractice

thank you Grin

don't get me wrong, a guest trying to re-arrange a wedding is rude, but all you need in an office is a couple of people already having booked a day off for not being able to take it off yourself. You can argue for a close relative, but more difficult if it's a cousin.

Raaaaaah · 19/03/2018 13:03

I assume that they are your friend and you want them to be at your wedding? if that's the case than just say "great, arrive when you can, we will just be thrilled to see you". If you don't partcularly like them

and they annoy you, as your post suggests then why did you invite them?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 19/03/2018 13:04

Unless this guest is one of the wedding party , their late arrival matters not a jot

AIBU to not want the disruption of the guest arriving at this time, possibly entering the ceremony late if it runs late, and having to consider them for meal timings if it runs early (time given of their potential arrival was extremely rough)

No reason for the ceremony to run late as long as the relevant parties turn up on time.
Meal times won't run early. You agree with venue that lunch or whatever will be sreved at X time and ask that guests are directed to dining room 20 minutes before this

Ask latecomer guest if they miss beginning of ceremony, to please wait until it is over,

Nocabbageinmyeye · 19/03/2018 13:04

Your getting married on a Friday ffs, just text back "no problem, looking forward to seeing you when you can make it" and stop being so awkward

Raaaaaah · 19/03/2018 13:05

I have never been married so I struggle with this kind of angst.

BossWitch · 19/03/2018 13:05

All those people saying it's petty, you won't notice etc are working on the assumption that this is a normal polite person who won't disrupt the wedding at all with their arrival... but what if they're not?

What if they're like one of the people on this thread... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1832446-Terrible-wedding-behaviour

Only you know for sure OP!

C0untDucku1a · 19/03/2018 13:05

Yabu. Really. If they cant leave work early enough, they cant leave work early enough. Sith some jobs it doesnt matter how much notice young Give. Somethings yu cannot miss.

Why would it disrupt the guests?! Do you expect all eyes on you alone all day?

Id arrived at teo weddings after the ceremony. One because i had year 11 that morning and work said i could leave after that class. The second because i got the times wrong in my head Confused but i didnt disrupt anything? I just walked in quietly.

DeltaRomeo · 19/03/2018 13:08

Definitely agree with BossWitch, this person sounds like a regular CF, you are not being awkward. Guest has had lots of notice, move to evening list. Have a great wedding! Flowers

SilverySurfer · 19/03/2018 13:08

They were obviously BVU to suggest alternative dates for your wedding but I can't understand why it's a big deal if they arrive a couple of hours late. Providing they know time of ceremony, time for eating etc, why can't they just slot in? I doubt you will even notice.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 19/03/2018 13:10

Just reply ‘fine’. Don’t give it any further headspace.

You’ll be far too busy on the day to care what time they arrive. Nothing needs to be rescheduled, they arrive & join in - end of.

morningconstitutional2017 · 19/03/2018 13:10

The idea that Bosswitch has suggested sounds just right to me.

Xmasbaby11 · 19/03/2018 13:11

I'd just let him come whenever. I had loads of people arriving late, some during the ceremony and some soon after. It didn't bother me. Tbh there were a few babies and small children in the ceremony who were in and out as well but I didn't mind. I just wanted my chosen guests to be there. I suppose it depends how formal you want it to be.

TheJoyOfSox · 19/03/2018 13:12

I don’t see why it’s an issue, but it’s your day. Tbh, it’s not guests that have informed you they will be arriving late that are the real pita, it’s the ones who have said yes and then just don’t turn up. We had 5 no shows to our reception which at £60 a head is annoying and quite disrespectful. That £300 could have been spent on having evening guests as day guests.

BevBrook · 19/03/2018 13:47

I don't get how it affects you at all if they arrive late, as long as they are on time for the meal? If they are planning on arriving one to two hours after the ceremony ends, it would have to over-run a huge amount for them to interrupt it - if it is over-running to that extent I think someone arriving midway through is the least of your problems.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 19/03/2018 13:56

You say they are due 1-2 hours after the ceremony has finished so they are hardly likely to interrupt your big moment!

Wouldn’t bother me. Just say you’ll see them there.

honeyroar · 19/03/2018 13:59

I wouldn't have a problem with this. I wouldn't even had told you, just slipped into the crowd at the reception. I think that she's only telling you to be dramatic and attention seeking. So while, with anyone else, I'd say no problem, with her I'd email and say can she guarantee that she will be there before 2pm (or whenever you expect the meal to start). Don't tell her he meal starts then, just ask the question. If her response is anything other than a definite yes email back and say it's best that she just comes to the evening reception and you've got someone else who can take her place for the day reception. If she grumbles just say you don't want her disrupting the day reception by arriving late. (I think that she will make a dramatic late entrance otherwise).

Eveforever · 19/03/2018 14:03

I probably be a miffed about someone creeping into the middle of my ceremony because they're late, but sounds like they'll arrive afterwards. How annoyed I would be would depend on how close I am to the person and how good their reason is for not being able to get away from work earlier. Asking you to move your wedding is a rather bold request I must say.

YellowFlower201 · 19/03/2018 14:05

I'd let them do it. You won't notice on the day and the venue will sort it out.

PurpleDaisies · 19/03/2018 14:11

It sounds like you’re generally pissed off with them and this is just another thing to get annoyed about. On its own, it really shouldn’t be an issue. You risk looking small minded and petty by maki g a big deal of it.

OlennasWimple · 19/03/2018 14:18

I don't get the fuss.

We had people turn up late at our wedding (both planned and unplanned - thank you M25 traffic....). I have been the late guest to a wedding (thank you work and babysitter crises...), almost every wedding I have been to has had someone who has slipped in discreetly at some point during the reception.

Just put a seat aside for them (near the door!) if you are having a seating plan and give it no more head space. Don't hold up timings or try to re-arrange stuff to accommodate them. Just proceed as planned.

Honestly, this doesn't need to be a palaver

thecatsthecats · 19/03/2018 14:20

My brother was late to my sister's ceremony, and the saving grace was that he didn't interrupt the ceremony.

I wonder if I have poor hearing sometimes, or maybe extra-good hearing, when I hear all these people saying 'just one person slipping in won't disturb anything'. Creaky doors, clacking heels, people budging up looking for a seat? Always makes a racket.

mintich · 19/03/2018 14:20

I've had someone suggest I get married abroad as they would quite like some sun while listing some destinations for me. They knew I had already booked my venue!

FluffyWuffy100 · 19/03/2018 14:20

I would simply say you will be glad to see them when they make it. Don't give them any more head space.

^This

JaneEyre70 · 19/03/2018 14:25

Any number of your guests could be late - traffic, babysitter issues, medical emergency. Would you turn them away too??! At least they've had the decency to let you know. I'd just be glad they're still coming and focus on your day.

Astrabees · 19/03/2018 14:26

A few of my guests arrived late. Two were travelling from London to the midlands and had train problems. I'm from a farming family and a couple of others were making hay while the sun shined. No great problem. The venue cooked an extra meal for the two who were very late and we just all got on with enjoying ourselves. Where I work we have a maximum number of people on leave on any one day, maybe your guest just can't be allowed leave in the early part of the day.